(CAUTION: Before anyone gets hurt, I should warn you I’m actually over at Long Awkward Pause today! Feel free to get started here and then join me over at LAP. But please: No running…)
There was a time when manufacturers included warnings on their products as a way to provide useful information that could potentially save our lives. Or, at the very least, our eyebrows and/or stomach lining.
However, that all changed more than a decade ago when McDonald’s had to serve up a McMillion dollars for the lady who didn’t realize that spilling hot coffee on yourself while behind the wheel of a car can lead to a condition commonly known as “The Open-Road Lap Dance.”
Taking a deeper look, that condition is really just an extension of the more common rule known as “Cause and effect,” which states:
‘Cause I’m dumb enough to place hot coffee next to the most vulnerable spot on my entire body, I am, in effect, going to do something even dumber by spilling it there. Probably before I leave the drive-thru.
Though the woman claimed to be unfamiliar with either of these two concepts, she WAS familiar with the judicial system, and how her coffee mishap could lead to litigation and a new home in the Hamptons. That landmark decision opened the floodgates to a barrage of wrongful injury cases aimed at sending a clear message to American businesses:
We will buy your products.
We will use your products.
And, God willing, we will hurt ourselves with your products and retire early.
(Read more at LAP!)
Ned's Blog 
Commented over at LAP.
Me too! 😉
You. sir, are an evil – and hilarious – genius.
Thanks, Robert! It’s nice to be recognized by my peers.
Sir, My client read your post and laughed out loud thus giving him a mild hernia. Please forward $1,000,000 immediately. We remain yours etc Suet, Grabbit and Run (Attorneys)
Ok. But I’m countersuing for mental anguish.
i intend to sue hewlett packard because i got a paper cut while loading up one of their printers. look for me in the news.
Dang it! I was going to do the same thing! Now everyone will just think I’m a copycat…
OUCHHHH! That damn sign… Why didn’t it have a warning sign?! ….oh. It did 😜 My bad!
Haha! Don’t worry, Amanda, I’m sure there’s a lawyer somewhere who’d still be willing to represent you.
💰💰💰 ??? You know, I think you might be right. I’ll call them tomorrow! 😜
Is it wrong I laugh at the warning labels wondering what idiot caused it to be necessary in the first place? Because if so then damn it I don’t want to be right because that shizz is hilarious.
I just read about aa woman who went to the hospital because she confused plumber’s foam with hair mousse… so yeah, if we didn’t laugh we’d be crying for humanity.