The Most Outlandish Tale About Anxiety and Depression Ever Told

(Continued from Jessica Sita at Watchful Creature)

Before I can turn back for a more suitable weapon from my purse, like maybe an eyeliner shank, a crunching sound causes the two figures to stop in mid stride. I glance down and see a discarded sandwich bag filled with Lucky Charms. No marshmallows. Only that crappy cereal that tastes like shaved dog treats. I hated that cereal as a kid. Now I had reason to hate it as an adult; thanks to that damned crunch, the two figures were looking right at me. There was no turning back now.

Lucky Charms my ass.

I tightened my grip on the mascara tube, prepared to either bluff my way out or, if necessary, give these two creeps a total makeover. And by that I mean jamming the tip of that voluminous mascara applicator somewhere Avon never intended. Ding dong, Avon calling

Drawing closer, I could begin to make out their faces. Regardless of how this turned out, a makeover wouldn’t hurt these two. Aside from being the most unattractive potential murders I’ve ever seen, I noticed something more important: Whatever was wrapped up in that tarp had an extension cord sticking out of it…

(To continue the story, Click HERE…)

(To start from the beginning, click HERE

…… ….. ….. …..

(Ned Hickson is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His first book, Humor at the Speed of Life, is available from Port Hole Publications, or Barnes & Noble.)

41 thoughts on “The Most Outlandish Tale About Anxiety and Depression Ever Told

  1. Pingback: A Nickel’s Worth from ‘The Most Outlandish Tale About Anxiety and Depression Ever Told’ | Ned's Blog

  2. The Lucky Charms portion was fab. Without hte marshmallows what’s the damned point.
    Plus, we were never allowed to eat cereal with sugar in the ingredients as we kids.
    Therefore: They are evil. Now I know they’re dangerous as well.
    Your chapter w as funny as hell. Loved it.

    • Thanks, R.C. I really do hate Lucky Charms, haven’t written from a woman’s perspective before, and drew upon what I’ve seen in my wife’s purse for the eyeliner shank idea. Kind of a writing trifecta for me…

  3. Now I know for sure you’re inside my head. First Pet Day when I dog post–and now you reference Lucky Charms, “magically delicious,” the name of my post today? I’m getting creeped out. BTW, Avon Mega Effects Mascara has a bendable wand that juts out at 90 degrees. I hope that is your weapon of choice.

  4. Oo your potential murderers are extra evil now, because everyone knows the uglier the character the more evil they are. Nice continuation!

  5. Ned, I just wanted to tell you that you look beautiful in mascara, and I like that green shade you showed me the other day the best. And the beauty mark looked good too.

    P.S. Don’t forget to change the forward link to Chris’s actual post – not his blog URL – so that we can keep the story alive \m/

  6. Pingback: The Most Outlandish Tale About Anxiety and Depression Ever Told. | watchful creature

  7. Great follow-up to the (already great) material you were dealt…really like this concept. I don’t know the other writers (yet), so I couldn’t tell with them, but this piece of writing definitely has Ned written all over it, despite it being a departure from your usual (funny) stuff,

No one is watching, I swear...

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