In my 15 years here at the newspaper, I’ve grabbed more things off the printer than I can count. Which I realize isn’t that impressive considering the source. But a few minutes ago, not only did what I send to the printer disappear in to the void of space, but what I found waiting for me is possibly the most cryptic message I have ever received not involving a lawyer or psychic. So far, no one in the newsroom has claimed it as a missing page to their story — which makes me wonder: Is “Neo” trying to contact me from somewhere in the Matrix?!? Is the office suddenly going to dissolve into green, numbered code all around me?!? Am I just a human Duracell for The Machines?!?
Or have I just had too much coffee on deadline day?
83 thoughts on “Um… I think I may have entered the Matrix”
Hmmm. I love this. I probably would have written a poem about it Cuz that’s what I do. Otherwise what else do you have? Trust and obey. It’s a message from God 🙂
It sounds like the kind if thing He’d do 😉
It is your message so get out there and trust and obey.” or else.
So, you think it’s from… my mother?
It may be from your mother. It could be from the government, or it could be from… a higher authority.
Or maybe it was a reminder that the maintenance contract on our printer expired?
The mission is yours should you choose to accept it- trust and obey.”
I accept! But does that mean I have to eat the note? It’s standard copy paper size and I just had a chili dog.
Isn’t t a little early for you to be awake- and eating chili dogs- who is in charge of you, obviously you needed that note!
Hahaha! I am heading to a firefighter training and just grabbed something I could heat up fast. Plus I am driving up with another firefighter, so the chili will make good conversation 😉 Have a great day!
I think Dominatrixes use that line…
I see, so maybe from a Domimatrix…
I just got chills down my spine! I would stay away from skinny men in suits with dark sunglasses.
I will NOT be answering any ringing phones that aren’t mine! 🙂
I am NOT answering any phone that isn’t mine! 🙂
Maybe your being watched!
Well, taxes are due in a few days. Maybe it’s the IRS?!!
sounds like a fortune cookie fell into the printer
Haha! That sounds like the kind of fortunes I get.
I like to think it’s a message from the language Gods for you to trust and obey your writing instincts. They’ve done you well so far. 😉
Thanks, Susan — I like that 🙂
oh it’s mine, sorry, i must have pushed print at the exact same time and you did and it canceled yours out. i was working on my new online dating profile. would you mind hanging onto it until i can claim it? thanks in advance.
LOL! No problem. I will keep it safe. I’ll also look for the rest of it in the paper jam bin.
Trust and obey as part of on online dating profile? Ned, there’s material in them there words!
I tried that as my profile name years ago. Bad idea…
Uh oh–I think you left waayy too much to my imagination. lmao.
That’s good strategy, using ‘trust and obey’ for an online dating profile. You’ll be prepared for writing the wedding vows.
Yeah, but I had to take the …”or I will be spanked” part out. Catholic wedding…
I had a Baptist wedding, so there was no dancing or beer. Somehow spanking stayed in our vows, though.
Good for you; it’s a good trade off. On the spanking instead of beer and dancing I mean, not trading off on the spanking. At least not on the same night.
That is reserved for revival services.
I knew I should have been a born-again Baptist.
Spanking??? Did somebody say something about spanking??? 😀
Just throw it away and get the hell out of there!
I’m already gone… wait, haven’t we had this conversation before…?
What color pill would you take?
Definitely the red. It’s my wife’s favorite color and that always leads to something good 😉
Apparently Neo is using a hymn book for code. Respond with “For there’s no other way”. You’ll be in. Wear black.
The fact that you remember that is very impressive. And frightening. But I wearing black anyway, just to be safe.
My mother placed a hymn book underneath my pillow every night as I said my prayers. Holy osmosis. Singing the hymn every Sunday during my formative years means I’ll be muttering Trust and Obey, The Old Rugged Cross, and I Surrender All in my senility.. which isn’t all that far off. I know the hymns better than I know the national anthem. (I feel a blog coming on… hmmm)
Holy Osmosis? Didn’t batman once say that?
Probably Robin. He was the student.
Holy Apprentice! You’re probably right.
Holy sh…. oh, never mind.
Actually, I think it was the name of a super villain. He was a televangelist who was going to take over the world through donations and prayer offerings.
I’m from the south and I honestly think that’s the nicest thing I’ve heard anyone say about Jim Bakker in two decades.
You two have reminded me of a portion of the lyrics from one of my favorite songs, ‘Cash Cow’ by Steve Taylor. He picked on Robert Tilton, not Jim Fakker.
The golden cash cow had a body like the great cows of ancient Egypt
And a face like the face of Robert Tilton
…without the horns
And through the centuries is has roamed the earth
Like a ravenous bovine
Seeking whom it may lick
Wow! Remind me to never challenge you in a game of Trivial Pursuit.
Probably a wise choice, but I will never ever challenge you to a game of Pictionary.
Agreed. I’m pretty good with a marker. Ask any of my friends who have passed out.
You play Pictionary for shots?
Apparently, you haven’t read the rules on the inside of the box cover.
Wait… wasn’t Osmosis the one who parted the Red Sea?
He was Moses’self absorbed brother.
His son would be Absorbing Jr., then?
Yes. And the twin, of course, Ben Gay.
LOL 🙂 I don’t even want to know what those “Wonder Twins” activate.
LOL — nice pun exchange, by the way. I figured that I would be the first to blink.
I’m still laughing about “Salmon on the Mount.” That was brilliant. Thanks for playing along. And I don’t recall if I told you before, but it bares repeating that I really enjoy your stuff. Enjoy the day.
Yeah, I sent that. Are you going to do it, or do I have to come see you face to face so we can have a little chat?? Signed– The Goddess of Fabulousness
My husband will sometimes email creepy messages directly to our printer when I am home and he is not. The machine starts printing… “I can see you…” *Shudder* I always know it is just him, but still..Fracking creeps me out every time.
That is hilarious! But how did he get this number…?
All I can think of when I read that, is an old Sunday School song: “Trust and obey, for there’s no other way, to be happy in Jesus, than to to trust and obey.” Maybe you weren’t answering His texts? hehe
You’re the second person who remembered that hymn. I think if God wanted to text me, He’d wait until I had something other than a Trak phone 🙂
‘Trust and obey’? Are you somebody’s slave or are we all slaves. Are you a slave to your job and is your boss a sicko who likes to remind you of this. Is it a message from your dominatrix? Do dominatrixes even use fax machine’s? So many questions and so little answers.
I believe it is quite possible my boss is a dominatrix who gets pleasure out of sending sick faxes to freak m e out and remind my I am her slave from 8 to 5. Or it could have just been a higher power.
Nothing to fear Ned – clearly the Force is still with you.
You’re right! It could be code revealing the coordinates to the Empire’s latest Death Star! Or at possibly a new Starbucks.
Hahaha, this post just put me in a really good mood! Strange and mysterious but very funny.
I’m always glad when my impending materialization into the Matrix can bring joy 😉
I think you should reciprocate fate and leave a page in the printer tray that says: I saw what you did.
OK, so I liked your idea so much I tried it. This morning there was a note that read: “last summer, or the one before?”
Relax Ned – these are only April-trix. Matrix don’t start for a couple of weeks. Or was that sequels…??
That explains it; and here I thought Trix were for kids…
Sweet, I want in on the Matrix. Would make my humdrum day so much more interesting. Also, really like Lawrence Fishburne so if they don’t choose me, please tell him “what up?” from CV. Please pass on email and # to Carrie-Anne Moss. And, give Keanu a kick in the crotch…don’t like him at all.
Hey, CV — Just returned from the Matrix. Lawrence says “Yo,” Carrie-Anne said It’ll be a cold day in hell if she ever…” blah, blah blah, and Keanu said “Aggghhh, DUDE! What the hell?!”
That’s just Sprite’s new commercial tagline. Drink more Sprite.
LOL! Wait, why am I laughing. I just bought a six-pack of Sprite. Damn them!
There’s no escaping the Matrix…sort of