Um… I think I may have entered the Matrix

Matrix message? In my 15 years here at the newspaper, I’ve grabbed more things off the printer than I can count. Which I realize isn’t that impressive considering the source. But a few minutes ago, not only did what I send to the printer disappear in to the void of space, but what I found waiting for me is possibly the most cryptic message I have ever received not involving a lawyer or psychic. So far, no one in the newsroom has claimed it as a missing page to their story β€” which makes me wonder: Is “Neo” trying to contact me from somewhere in the Matrix?!? Is the office suddenly going to dissolve into green, numbered code all around me?!? Am I just a human Duracell for The Machines?!?

Or have I just had too much coffee on deadline day?

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Ned's Blog

I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writer’s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...

83 thoughts on “Um… I think I may have entered the Matrix”

  1. Hmmm. I love this. I probably would have written a poem about it Cuz that’s what I do. Otherwise what else do you have? Trust and obey. It’s a message from God πŸ™‚

                1. Hahaha! I am heading to a firefighter training and just grabbed something I could heat up fast. Plus I am driving up with another firefighter, so the chili will make good conversation πŸ˜‰ Have a great day!

  2. oh it’s mine, sorry, i must have pushed print at the exact same time and you did and it canceled yours out. i was working on my new online dating profile. would you mind hanging onto it until i can claim it? thanks in advance.

      1. Trust and obey as part of on online dating profile? Ned, there’s material in them there words!

          1. Good for you; it’s a good trade off. On the spanking instead of beer and dancing I mean, not trading off on the spanking. At least not on the same night.

      1. My mother placed a hymn book underneath my pillow every night as I said my prayers. Holy osmosis. Singing the hymn every Sunday during my formative years means I’ll be muttering Trust and Obey, The Old Rugged Cross, and I Surrender All in my senility.. which isn’t all that far off. I know the hymns better than I know the national anthem. (I feel a blog coming on… hmmm)

          1. Actually, I think it was the name of a super villain. He was a televangelist who was going to take over the world through donations and prayer offerings.

            1. I’m from the south and I honestly think that’s the nicest thing I’ve heard anyone say about Jim Bakker in two decades.

          2. You two have reminded me of a portion of the lyrics from one of my favorite songs, ‘Cash Cow’ by Steve Taylor. He picked on Robert Tilton, not Jim Fakker.

            The golden cash cow had a body like the great cows of ancient Egypt
            And a face like the face of Robert Tilton
            …without the horns
            And through the centuries is has roamed the earth
            Like a ravenous bovine
            Seeking whom it may lick

                1. I’m still laughing about “Salmon on the Mount.” That was brilliant. Thanks for playing along. And I don’t recall if I told you before, but it bares repeating that I really enjoy your stuff. Enjoy the day.

  3. My husband will sometimes email creepy messages directly to our printer when I am home and he is not. The machine starts printing… “I can see you…” *Shudder* I always know it is just him, but still..Fracking creeps me out every time.

  4. All I can think of when I read that, is an old Sunday School song: “Trust and obey, for there’s no other way, to be happy in Jesus, than to to trust and obey.” Maybe you weren’t answering His texts? hehe

    1. You’re the second person who remembered that hymn. I think if God wanted to text me, He’d wait until I had something other than a Trak phone πŸ™‚

  5. ‘Trust and obey’? Are you somebody’s slave or are we all slaves. Are you a slave to your job and is your boss a sicko who likes to remind you of this. Is it a message from your dominatrix? Do dominatrixes even use fax machine’s? So many questions and so little answers.

    1. I believe it is quite possible my boss is a dominatrix who gets pleasure out of sending sick faxes to freak m e out and remind my I am her slave from 8 to 5. Or it could have just been a higher power.

  6. Sweet, I want in on the Matrix. Would make my humdrum day so much more interesting. Also, really like Lawrence Fishburne so if they don’t choose me, please tell him “what up?” from CV. Please pass on email and # to Carrie-Anne Moss. And, give Keanu a kick in the crotch…don’t like him at all.

    1. Hey, CV — Just returned from the Matrix. Lawrence says “Yo,” Carrie-Anne said It’ll be a cold day in hell if she ever…” blah, blah blah, and Keanu said “Aggghhh, DUDE! What the hell?!”

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