It used to be that when the IRS discovered you’ve been claiming a child who is actually a 50-pound Labrador retriever named “Billy,” everyone would have a good laugh. Not any more. The Treasury Department says it will be cracking down on “aggressive tax deductions” filed by U.S. taxpayers in order to keep the federal government from being bilked out of hundreds of millions of dollars — money that could otherwise be spent on important federal programs, such as the Congressional Caribbean Getaway Fund.
As a service to readers, several of whom are actual U.S. taxpayers, I thought I’d contact some of the brightest minds in tax law in order to clarify what we can still get away with. Unfortunately, everyone was too busy working on the Clinton family’s tax returns to help. So, as aresponsible member of the news media, I was left with only one option:
Forget taxes! Let’s talk about who’s next on Dancing With The Stars!
Just kidding. I rolled up my sleeves. Got on the Internet. Made phone calls. And eventually came up with some real-life tax claims you should NOT make unless you want to end up in jail — or worse, on the computer screen of a humor columnist trying to meet a deadline. Continue reading →
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It wasn’t until dragging our furniture into the yard during our move that I realized our couches looked like they were purchased from a crackhouse garage sale. After years of having the dogs rub themselves along the front, and motionless teenagers planted on the cushions for hours at a time, they were dirty, lumpy and misshapen. 
