It’s been two years since I wore a thong; here’s why

imageWe all have skeletons in our closet. Mine just happens to be wearing a red thong.

Two years ago this Friday, hundreds of people tragically lost their eyesight as a result seeing me in a red thong for my role in “The Nedinator,” a 6-minute movie spoof that premiered in our local theater the same night as “The Terminator: Genysis.”

The movie was heralded by critics as “Ned’s best 6-minute performance.”

And my wife agrees.

For anyone who started following this blog since then, or who has wondered why there are so many references in the comments section about my red thong, rest assured you haven’t stumbled into a hive a kinky people. This is where it started. And, thanks to a court order siting “codes of human decency,” also where it ended.

The story behind the mini-movie is a long one, and is just as drama-filled as any Hollywood production — except with less silicone, money, sex, tantrums, Perrier, etc.

So, to celebrate the one-year anniversary…

Actually, “celebrate” might be a bit strong. How about “commemorate?” Like when there’s a tragedy?  Continue reading

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Getting that graduation gift doesn’t mean going for bust

image After reading about how the parents of LuLu Diaz gave their daughter $6,000 breast implants for her high school graduation gift, I couldn’t help but be shocked by the idea of a father agreeing to anything that would make his teenaged daughter more enticing to teenaged boys.

As luck would have it, I actually spent several years in my teens. Because of this I can tell you there are many teenaged boys who still haven’t made it past the “breast” portion of this column. Sadly, some may never finish reading it because, in order to break them out of their current hypnotic spell, it will become necessary for a close friend or family member to light them on fire.

Let’s face it: This is the nature of most men until the aging process inspires a level of physical maturity that dethrones sex as the main motivator. While there is no set timeline for this transformation, most experts agree it begins anywhere between six and eight months after death.

Until then, at least from a father’s perspective, men can’t be trusted. Continue reading

Old battlefields of racism run deeper than the Deep South

Nearly 30 years ago I stood in the shade of a willow tree overlooking a Civil War battleground in Georgia, contemplating the blood that had been spilled on those now lush, green grasses carpeting the rolling hills of Kennesaw Mountain.

After living in the Deep South for close to 10 years, the last several of which were spent in Atlanta, I felt I had a different perspective from many southerners regarding that period of our nation’s history. Admittedly, having come from Oregon, I felt a certain kinship to The South’s identity as a rebel.

Yet at the same time, I found it hard to walk the thin line between recognizing The South’s undeniable history while overlooking the shadows of racism intertwined with it.  Continue reading