Where the heck have I been?

SearchTeam_FL_0809_Binos I’m sure many of you have noticed my blog has been unusually quiet since Sunday. My regular Tuesday posting of The Door didn’t appear this week, and I haven’t posted a new column since last Friday.

OK, fine. No one actually noticed, so you’ll just have to take my word for it when I tell you: Yes, I’ve been a total blogging slacker this week.

But WAIT! Let me explain!

Ironically, the lack of activity on my blog is directly related to the amount of activity I’ve had going on outside of my blog, including attending a three-day advanced firefighting extrication class, which I will be teaching for our fire department beginning next month. If you lock your keys in the car and want the roof cut off in less than three minutes, I’m your man. The same goes for turning your car into a hard-top convertible or removing those pesky doors.

Cutting thru glass In addition to learning how to stabilize cars on top of each other before cutting them open, I also purchased my first real piece of modern technology since 1988, back when I spent $250 on a Brother word processor. I am now the proud — and somewhat overwhelmed — owner of an iPad. I have spent the last three evenings getting to know this device and, I’m happy to say, can now turn it on. I have also managed to change the screen background to look like denim.
Ned's iPad

Yes, I am a techno-wizard.

At any rate, I am back on the grid and will be posting a new column shortly. It may seem strange, but I felt the need to explain where I’ve been because, all kidding aside, a lot of you really did notice — and I appreciate that.

And to show you my appreciation, bring your vehicle to Siuslaw Valley Fire and Rescue and I will give you a free roof removal. And if my iPad gives me any trouble, I can fix that, too…


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Ned's Blog

I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writer’s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...

55 thoughts on “Where the heck have I been?”

    1. I wish — but they are my favorite coffee joint. We have a tiny one on the main strip through town. By the time I get to the window, they already have my drink ready. If only the tavern was that good.

          1. I’ve heard about that. Isn’t that where they have — or had — drive-thru peep shows, too? Right across from the Baptist Church? We’re so behind the curve here on the west coast…

          2. I’m sure the argument could be made that just because one has a glass of ice and an unopened bottle of liquor… Doesn’t mean the two are necessarily going to get together. But I don’t buy it. And it saddens me that driving under the influence would be encouraged this way, and supported via the loopholes of the law.

            I work with someone whose mother was just murdered by a drunk driver.

            So drive-thru booze on ice? Reckless stupidity at its finest.

            And one more reason to avoid Louisiana.

            1. In all seriousness, it’s never made sense to me, either. It’s like setting a burning torch near a gas tank and saying nothing will happen as long as they don’t get any closer.

  1. You really are a techno-wizard. I’ve had my iPad for months and had no idea I could make the background look like my favorite jeans from the ’80s. This is why I missed you.

    I hope I never need to be extricated from my car, but if I do, I hope I am somewhere near Siuslaw Valley. Because I would imagine that I would need a laugh if I was in a position to be “extricated” from anything — and it’s nice to know that I could get a two-fer on that one.

  2. Hello Ned!

    Yes you were missed, but to be honest, i felt better thinking you were just being a slackass. Very good of you to sharpen your skills for the benefit of your community. Is there no end to the “Charitable Powerhouse” that is Ned Hicks?

    1. LOL! Thanks, Tom 🙂 My charity ends when it comes to matching up socks. I’ll do ANYTHING but that! With four kids who are all about the same age, I never, ever get it right!

  3. Noting the proximity of your drink to the iPad, I can tell you from experience that if you knock 8 ounces of liquid across the face of it, you can salvage the situation with quick hands and 3 nitroglycerin tablets. (The tablets are for you; they don’t go in the charger slot :))

  4. I’m going to be completely honest here Ned…. *sigh* I have become addicted to your blog. I noticed!! Not only that, but I have come to feel like you and so many others are part of this very special wordpress family that I love so much! Please don’t do this again, I think I gained 10 pounds from the withdrawal, haha. But I am glad you were out training others to save lives! I on the other hand have now figured out that I can sneak in some writing here at work 🙂

    1. Also, since you are seen here ripping the guts of cars, I wonder… how safe are VW Jetta’s? Is it hard to break into one of those puppies? I will be buying a car Monday and would like to know how easy it is to get me out in case of an emergency 🙂 thanks!

      1. Jetta’s are really good because they have a strong “cage” with lots of air bags. You’re essentially only one step away from being ejected inside a giant bubble 🙂 The tools we use can cut though a door frame in about four seconds, so trust me: We’ll get to you! Just tell them Ned sent you 😉

          1. Hopefully, you’ll never have to take me up on it 😉 By the way, I really enjoyed you post “Hello Mug Shot!” I was going to leave a comment but I couldn’t get on. So I’m sort of cheating, but wanted to make sure I told you. I actually Googled myself once about 10 years ago. It was frightening. The first thing that came up was “my” obituary. Sadly, that Ned Hickson’s obituary was more exciting than my life at the time LOL!

            1. Oh dear! I’m not going to lie, I would have probably been questioning my actual existence as a person or ghost lol. But thank you for reading 🙂 I was under business administration in linkedin…scary! lol, but not as bad as an obituary! Stay safe and away from cars, and I would still stay away from the that printer… and skinny men with glasses 😉

  5. I did not notice that you, Ted, were gone. I’m sorry. I was too busy stalking..er.. commenting on your comments. That and swimming in a baptistry/peep show booth.

    I have a can opener attachment on my Swiss army knife that also works real well on car roofs. I’ll loan it to you.

  6. Just as I suspected, having a good time buying stuff without us. Do you LOVE your iPad? I have an iMac for work (I never use it for anything else and I definitely do not blog on it) and I will never go back.

  7. Yes!!!! WE MISSED YOU!!! Slacker!!!! J/k lol!!! I almost had to take you up on this… I was following a semi on a 4lane today and being followed by a HUGE SNOW PLOW! When this dumb lady driver that makes my kind look so bad decided to cut across the 4 lanes when she had a red light and she cut in between me and the semi… I could not stop due to the now 4 inches of slushy snow… I was in 4wheel drive and if I had not turned to the right on and headed for a ditch and side road I’d either be smashed into her (dead) or pushed into the pond (dead) because the snow plow could not stop either. I missed the dumb lady by like an inch and the snow plow driver got out and screamed and yelled at her and asked if I was ok. He said if I had not turned he would have plowed me into the pond and would be calling 911…
    Yes we are getting snow!!!!! I’m a little shaken up but alive and no accident!!!
    The lady? While he was screaming at her she rolled up her window and drove off!!!! 😦

    1. That sound like a nighmare! So glad you are OK, and that you had the reflexes to respond in time. Sadly, she probably learned nothing from the experience. If I had been the driver, it would have been hard for me not to pop her tires and call roadside assistance to take her home just to keep her off the road!

      1. Honestly I was to caught up in the snow plow driver! He was a spaz! But she deserved it.. Honestly the way he was acting and me being a girl I might have felt scared and driven off too… Aw!!! Nope! But my heart was racing and I pulled in my garage and started shaking!

          1. 🙂 I was had been at work… I work for orthopaedic surgeons… I was worried they might be working on me… And wondering who it was on call… Then my thought went to the gift my 13 yr old son bought me… In case the bridge collasped and I find myself in water… It cuts the seatbelt and shatters glass… But in reality I probably would have been squishes like a bug on a windshield… And I drive an expedition… I’m sure firefighters woulda have been very grosses out…
            I plan on posting about it tomorrow after I make it to work and back safely… If I don’t post? I didn’t make it…

            1. Don’t even THINK about getting hurt! And that tool your son gave you? All firefighters who do extrications carry them. Great tool. Your son is more than thoughtful — he’s insightful 😉

              1. Well Made it. I posted and have photos to prove it. And about driving those plows? I’ve always loved and wanted to drive a dump truck. Road in the bucket a few times but never did get to drive it… 🙂

  8. I am amazed that you were out learning a very important life saving skill! I am less amazed about the IPad but glad that you got it, you seem like you would have had it already! See I pictured you all techno savvy! Liked the walking post and wondered how your feet and calves are now? Did it effect your using the equipment for extricating people out of cars?

    1. Ha! I am the poster child for Techno Dummies. Changing my background to denim was a huge accomplishment for me. I told everyone I knew. As for the extrication equipment, it is a little heavy but the equipment does all the work. You just have to know the best place to put it and what to watch out for. Fortunately, I didn’t have to use my feet 🙂

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