My interview with best-selling author Ima Knowitall

(Fridays are always a good reason to get excited! And not just if you’re a cross-dresser who tells his wife he “works late at the office” on Friday nights while secretly going by the name “Bobbi.” No! The other reason to get excited — and this includes you, too, Bobbi — is that it’s also time forNed’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing.” Or as some people have suggested, “Ned’s NWOW,” which is definitely the kind of thing that could stick, unless I use a disinfectant. As always, today’s Nickel’s Worth is brought to you by Gliterary Girl, a literary website where I’m a regular contributor each week, or at least until they change the pass code…)

imageIt’s rare when an author of this caliber agrees to acknowledge your presence, let alone be interviewed and, during the course of that interview, actually speak. So you can imagine my excitement at having gotten award-winning and self-proclaimed best-selling author Ima Knowitall to discuss her career and upcoming book release, Time-traveling Vampire of Love. She has been heralded by the New York Times as “…our generation’s J.K. Rowling, mixed with E.L. James, if they weren’t already from our generation, and if she added initials to her name.”

High praise indeed.

In addition, Knowitall has been recognized by prestiges writers’ groups across the globe, such as London’s famous Nouns of the Baskerville, Seattle’s Puget Sound Pronouns and the Dangling Participles of Dublin. The author of more than 40 online novels this past year, Knowitall has received the coveted Prolific Speller Award, the Hemmingway Award for “longest run-on sentence of 2013 and 2014” (same sentence) and, most recently, she was honored by the Society of Illiterate Columnists (SIC) for her contributions to “…the advancement of people who write without the shackles of proper grammar.”

Though our meeting was originally set for a fancy, overpriced eatery in Beverly Hills where, according to Knowitall, she is so well known that her meals are generally waiting for her by the time she is seated at her private table, there has been a sudden change in plans and, instead, we will be meeting at a lesser-known Del Taco in Culver City, just outside of Los Angeles. She calls ahead, letting me know that her limo driver is “out with gout” (even in casual conversation she is a wordsmith!), which means she’ll be driving another car from her fleet.

When she arrives a short time later in her 1986 Ford Fiesta, she is careful to avoid drawing attention to herself, telling me that her celebrity could quickly turn our low-profile meeting into a mob scene of autograph hounds and paparazzi. She suggests I order for the both of us while she finds a seat at the back of the restaurant, explaining that her assistant will contact me later about the reimbursement.

Ned Hickson (NH): In your novel Winter of Icy Hearts That Melt, you write of the love between an ice cream truck driver and the man who mends her broken tailpipe. Are your novels based on your own life experiences?

Ima Knowitall (IK): (Finishing her second taco) Yes. I love ice cream. And my Fiesta was backfiring a lot. I went to have it fixed, and the guy who worked on it was a total hunk. I wrote the whole story outline on a Mr. Lubes-a-Lot note pad while I waited.

NH: Before writing Four-Alarm Fire of Love, which is set in a busy fire station, did you spend time at an actual fire station gathering research?

IK: (Finishing her third taco) Every fire station has “sleepers,” which are firefighters who live at the fire station in three-day shifts. I spent many, many hours getting to know them. They actually gave me the nickname “Ima Sleepover.”

NH: That’s fantastic! Did you get to sleep with them at the station?

IK: No, not at the station… (finishes her soda)

NH: Um, many authors stress the importance of having a writing routine. Do you have a writing routine you swear by?

IK: Yes. I swear a lot while I write, which is to say all the time. I’d be outlining a story on this empty food sack and cursing right now if I had something to write with. Hey, is that a Crayon over there..?

NH: Wait, one last question.

IK: Ok, then I have a question for you — so shoot.

NH: If you could give an aspiring writer one piece of advice that could change their lives, what would it be?

IK: That’s an easy one: Buy my books.

NH: Fair enough. Did you have a question?

IK: Yeah, are you going to eat that last taco…?

Next Week: Since my book is humorous, should I go shirtless?

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63 thoughts on “My interview with best-selling author Ima Knowitall

  1. I think “Walking Naked In A Strange Place” could be a title for one of Ima’s books. I like it. It has a great beat, and is easy to dance to. I’d give it a ten. Oh, wait. I’m confused again. Someone has been messing with my meds.

    Yet another perilous adventure for my keyboard, which is in serious danger of shorting out from one too many Earl Grey showers. You are DA BOMB, Ned. I don’t care what anyone says about you!!

    😀

          • Only if you’ll talk to mine, in return. I’ve lost them. Their once shining and innocent faces no longer gaze up at Mommy in wonder, following her every sentence with bated breath, and taking her every pronouncement as gospel. Oh, wait. They never did that, actually. But they also didn’t think I was a total doofus, either, which they pretty much do now. I finally figured that out because they said to me, “Mom, you are a total doofus.”

            Sooo…hate to tell you this, Ned, but if your kids are too old for Spongebob Squarepants, you are pretty much relegated to the lowest levels of human intelligence in their view. They probably think they stand a better chance of engaging in intelligent conversation with an overripe cranberry than with their dad. This will last another 30 years. Or more. At least.

            Good luck!

  2. At first, Ima rubbed me the wrong way. Maybe it was because of her ‘know it all’ attitude. But as I got deeper into the interview she started to grow on me. That girl knows how to put down a taco!

    • Lol! You didn’t have to sit across from her, though. I’m just glad I had one of those giant margarita glasses filled with Lime-ade to shield all that flying taco meat. Still, I’m considering doing a follow up interview once her new book, “In Space, No One Can Hear You Love” comes out later this month.

  3. Look at what you’ve done Ned… now aside from day dreaming at work about who will attend my awesome dinner party (you know, Ellen Degeneres, and Hugh Jackman, and such) I will start having interviews in my head too… because the possibilities are endless! 🙂 Happy Friday!!

  4. This was hilarious!!! I still have tears rolling down my eyes. Don’t you just loooove prententious people? Especially the ones who aren’t even good at being pretentious such as Ima Knowitall. Did you ever hear back from her assistant about the reimbursement? Lol. I hope she was able to successfully dodge the paparazzi after the interview and make it home in her 27 year old car! Thanks for the much needed laugh.

  5. ima’s sister, youra, is upset because she thought that she was the biggest knowitall, and now come to find out she has been trumped once again, by you giving ima the exclusive!

  6. Pingback: Writers who don’t talk to themselves scare me | Ned's Blog

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