Another random moment from “The Box” of unclaimed photos

The Box: home to old, unidentified photos that have remained unclaimed. Probably for good reason.
The Box, home to old, unidentified photos that have remained unclaimed. Probably for good reason.
Last week, we said goodbye to our weekly feature The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance) and introduced The Box: a collection of odd, unidentified photos which — just like many items in our break room refrigerator — have remained unclaimed for 10 years or more. Each week, I will utilize my journalistic training, combined with the full extent of our 1980s computer technology, to explain the circumstance surrounding a randomly chosen photo from The Box. This random selection process is achieved by me quietly dumping the photos onto the floor and then, just as quietly, releasing a wild, blindfolded squirrel into the newsroom. The photo nearest the first reporter to scream is the winner!

I have to say, the selection process went extremely well for this first edition of The Box.

(In an entirely unrelated matter, if anyone is interested we are seeking a new intern.)

Now, let’s get to this week’s photo…

What we know:
This photo is from the late 1980s. This was determined through meticulous scrutiny of items within the photo, such as the make of screwdrivers and watch design on the subject’s left wrist. Also, the manilla envelope this photo was found in said “Late 1980s.”

Warning: This week's mystery image may cause drowsiness.
Warning: This week’s mystery image from The Box may cause drowsiness.

Results of my investigation:
Thanks to my trained eye, the lack of a wedding ring on the subject’s hand helped me determine that the photo was taken in his mother’s basement where, based on what appears to be a small cot and bag of McDonald’s fries next to a wood stove, he spent much of his free time assembling his own earth-friendly spaceship (remember, this is Oregon). Armed with that irrefutable assumption, I turned to our newspaper’s morgue, where we keep issues dating back to the late 1800s, and searched through the 1980s for any stories pertaining to someone launching themselves into space from within the Florence area…

Looking through our newspaper's morgue, which will probably never have it's own CSI spin-off.
Looking through our newspaper’s morgue, which will probably never have it’s own CSI spin-off.

Because I wasn’t able to find any stories regarding a manned space launch from Florence, it’s logical to assume, from a journalistic standpoint, this man, now in his 40s and who we’ll just call “Norman,” is still in his mother’s basement putting the final touches on his hemp-fueled spacecraft.

I’ll update you if anyone leaves our air space…

Published by

Ned's Blog

I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writer’s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...

28 thoughts on “Another random moment from “The Box” of unclaimed photos”

      1. …that is some crazy mess on that wall.

        naw…he gots people, they gots people that gots people…its an underground.

        that duded is building massochism.

        Im ready for next week already. HELL-O

          1. Oh phew, I hate to miss these important milestones! I’ve been seeing your posts in my email, thinking I have to read Ned’s stuff but I am working too damn hard because the universe HATES ME!

  1. Oooh, I like your random way of choosing a photo. I wonder if that would work next time we have a raffle at work. Of course I’d have to substitute some other Australian marsupial (or feral cat) for the squirrel. I could see it working….

  2. i think you may have been chasing a red herring, with the spacecraft angle. have you checked the archives for a missing relative or neighbor or pet perhaps ?

No one is watching, I swear...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s