Last week, we said goodbye to our weekly feature The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance) and introduced The Box: a collection of odd, unidentified photos which — just like many items in our break room refrigerator — have remained unclaimed for 10 years or more. Each week, I will utilize my journalistic training, combined with the full extent of our 1980s computer technology, to explain the circumstance surrounding a randomly chosen photo from The Box. This random selection process is achieved by me quietly dumping the photos onto the floor and then, just as quietly, releasing a wild, blindfolded squirrel into the newsroom. The photo nearest the first reporter to scream is the winner!
I have to say, the selection process went extremely well for this first edition of The Box.
(In an entirely unrelated matter, if anyone is interested we are seeking a new intern.)
Now, let’s get to this week’s photo…
What we know:
This photo is from the late 1980s. This was determined through meticulous scrutiny of items within the photo, such as the make of screwdrivers and watch design on the subject’s left wrist. Also, the manilla envelope this photo was found in said “Late 1980s.”
Results of my investigation:
Thanks to my trained eye, the lack of a wedding ring on the subject’s hand helped me determine that the photo was taken in his mother’s basement where, based on what appears to be a small cot and bag of McDonald’s fries next to a wood stove, he spent much of his free time assembling his own earth-friendly spaceship (remember, this is Oregon). Armed with that irrefutable assumption, I turned to our newspaper’s morgue, where we keep issues dating back to the late 1800s, and searched through the 1980s for any stories pertaining to someone launching themselves into space from within the Florence area…
Because I wasn’t able to find any stories regarding a manned space launch from Florence, it’s logical to assume, from a journalistic standpoint, this man, now in his 40s and who we’ll just call “Norman,” is still in his mother’s basement putting the final touches on his hemp-fueled spacecraft.
I’ll update you if anyone leaves our air space…