…TAT-tat-tat-TAT-TAT-tat-tat-TAT…
[Breaking News: from another strangely irrelevant moment in our newsroom…]
Each week, our entire editorial staff — all four of us — gathers for a meeting to discuss what we’ll be reporting on, any upcoming news-worthy events, and individual assignments. After 15 years, my editor has learned to stop asking why I attend these meetings. Case in point: Today’s editorial meeting…
Editor: So we have the Coastal Conference going on this weekend. Ocean biologists, scientists and others will be conducting workshops on algae and sea weed identification. Sounds a little boring, but they WILL be dissecting a shark in the parking lot on Saturday.
Me: THIS is no place to perform some half-assed autopsy on a fish! And I, for one, am not going to stand there and watch that little Kintner boy SPILL OUT ALL OVER THE DOCK!
[silence]
Editor: How many times have you seen Jaws?
Me: I stopped counting after 25.
Editor: Thanks for that dramatic and entirely useless input. Now, let’s talk about our annual Pet Guide section. Apparently, sales have dropped considerably. We need some ideas to freshen it up and get more interest.
Me: What if we made it only about obese pets and called it the Heavy Petting Guide?
Editor: [rubs temples, looks at calendar] Six months until my next vacation…
Ned's Blog 
I hope there isn’t a McDonald’s nearby. I don’t want to know where my filet-o-fish came from.
I’ve closed the beaches and opened the shark towers, so your sandwich is safe. Relatively.
I’m stealing that “heavy petting” line. *genius*
Hey, it’s all yours — maybe you’ll get a better reaction than I did.
Did I ever say that you’re my hero? You’re everything I ever hope to be. I would fly higher than an eagle. You are the wind beneath my shorts.
Flyyyyyyyyy…. FlyyyyyyyyyyyyyYYYYYYYYY
That really chokes me up.
I am still crying and it has nothing to do with all the onions I had for dinner last night.
As the wind beneath your shorts, I can tell you — after all the onions you ate last night — I am crying too.
Hahaha…..Heavy Petting Guide…..and then you could branch out into “Kamasutra for Pets – The Guide to Forepaw”.
Lol! That’s IT! You’re coming to work here. My editor would love it…
🙂 I just started packing!!
Wait, you don’t mean a weapon, right?!? 😉
Haha….Ned, I’m Canadian. Need I say any more? 😉
There must be something you’re protecting all that maple syrup with 😉
We all have trained raccoons. (I would have said Beavers, since I’m Canadian, but that would have been another blog post!)
Not to mention a massive influx of male defectors to Canada!
Lol….you win!
Ned, an idea to raise book sales for Humour At The Speed Of Life, include an invitation to attend one of your Editorial meetings, they’ll be doing a reprint in no time! Sign me up for a carton…RED
Haha! That would be the best Editorial meeting ever.
Oh Ned, you (delightfully) incorrigible writing being. Your Editor’s going to need a bigger boat.
HAHA! 🙂
YAY! Funny!
That was my editor’s reaction!
… ok, not really.