(I had the laps in judgement distinct privilege of being a guest contributor over at Long Awkward Pause today. Here’s an excerpt, along with a link at the bottom. Sorry it’s not the sausage kind…)
Hi.
My name is Ned and I watch The Bachelor.
I’ve been a heterosexual for 17,155 days and counting.
I can see the looks of confusion but that’s okay; I’ve gotten used to it. In fact, I used to hide my Bachelor/Bachelorette watching…
“Hey Ned, how about that Trailblazers game last night?!?”
“Yeah, man! They really dominated the paint!”
“What are you talking about? They LOST!”
“Oh, right. Uh, I got tapped out for a house fire and missed the second half.”
“Was everyone ok?”
“Yeah, but the girls who didn’t get a rose were pretty upset.”
“Wait… what?”
(Read the rest at Long Awkward Pause…)
Ned's Blog 
Congrats! Can’t wait to check out the rest of the article!
Thanks, Brantley! I promise you’ll find the same level of high brow humor there is you would on my blog. Sorry about that.
Thank you! Awesome post!
Thanks so much for having me, Chris!
Reblogged this on thedailygrime.
Just once, I would love to see a season of The Bachelor or The Bachelorette where everyone is in their 70s.
Her: I’m giving you a rose
Him: *wiping* What about my nose?
Her: No, no. The flower
Him: I dunno. 5 o’clock, maybe
Her: What baby?
Him: Pat’s got rabies?
Her: Who the hell is Pat?
Bachelors aren’t eliminated so much as die.
Hahahaha! The Final Rose ceremony would be a memorial service…