…TAT-tat-tat-TAT-TAT-tat-tat-TAT…
[Breaking News: from another strangely irrelevant moment in our newsroom…]
While reporters are the heart of a newspaper, press releases are its lifeblood. Especially at community newspapers where, more often than not, the editorial “staff” consists of two or three people, depending on whose turn it is to scrub the commodes. Without press releases sent in from members of the community, there’s a good possibility our sources wouldn’t have alerted us that the Grange’s monthly Spaghetti Night had been changed to Fish Sticks Night, because Bob accidentally bought five gallons of ketchup instead of marinara.
At the same time, that lifeblood has the potential to cause an aneurysm. That’s because, in many cases, press releases are submitted by people who wanted to be journalists but, instead, chose a different career path, such as repairing upholstery. For this reason, one of our jobs as journalists is to remain resolute in spotting ā and fixing ā press releases before they go to print. Oftentimes it’s a simple fix, such as changing “pubic” to “public,” or clarifying the date of an event which, according to the press release, already happened a year ago.
Then there are cases, such as this morning, when you receive a press release with a headline so terrible that it takes all of your will ā or at least mine ā to NOT run it as-is. But considering that this was regarding a children’s theater production of The Little Mermaid, I felt it best to protect the innocent and not run this headline:
It’s Better Down Where It’s Wetter
Although if this had been an adult production, they probably would’ve had to add extra seating…
Ned's Blog 
š I enjoyed reading this, a good press release makes all the difference.
Thanks!
Sometimes press releases are the most entertaining part of my day! š
Oh, my, oh, my. (laughing) Nothing gets past you, my friend, does it?
Sometimes I wish it would š
And the townsfolk would love you more for it. (wink)
Haha! I’m not sure I want that much love
You showed great restraint Ned…..well done!! But that would have been awesome had it gone to print. š
Could you imagine the subscription numbers going up– crap! Damn puns.
Lol! Yeah, but it would drop almost as quickly…
KABLAMO. Say goodnight, Gracie.
Haha! And I’m sure opening night would’ve been pandemonium! The second night… not so much š
Nothing worse than sloppy seconds! š (I’m sorry….I couldn’t resist!!)
HAHAHAHA! š
It’s a slippery slope.
I feel a little dirty now just owning a copy of the movie.
HAHA, I don’t think I would have had as much restraint… which is why I could never be a writer. =)
Lol! You might ant to avoid auditioning for any musicals, too ā just to be safe…
And don’t be so sure about the “not being a writer” thing; your blog is well-written and fun to read š
Aw, thanks ! =) I do try to keep the snark and grammatical errors to a minimum. =)
I was in just one musical in 8th grade, ended up expelled for that fiasco… who knew that dressing as a guy in drag would not be as funny to the english department as it was to me ! =)
You were just ahead of your time. Possibly a pre-emptive channeling of Justin Bieber š
Oh, s%#*, did you just compare me to that little brat ?! If I was to blame for channeling him into existence, please, forgive me !!!!! I prefer to think of “To Wong Fu’, thank you very much ! =) =)
You are forgiven. Please just don’t ever do it again.
I cannot imagine what worse horror could spring from my dark and twisty psyche… better to never find out. =)
Imagine of Justin and Miley had a child.
Yep, that should do it.
AAARRRGGGHHH ! =)
See, this is why they pay you the big bucks. =)
But just think, you could’ve been in the next compilation of “Worst Headlines Ever” on Facebook.
There’s always time for that…
I keep our paper subscription paid up just to laugh at the mistakes. Does that make me a bad person?
(rhetorical question only…I’m still trying to rebuild my reputation after mowing down the neighbors flowers and mailboxes!)
Why do you think I still work at mine?
(And restoring your reputation could take a while; depending on the reputation you’re shooting for…)
True dat!
As someone who interned and freelanced at community papers, I could definitely relate to this. Especially covering a municipality and having to sit through community meetings about buying a new pick-up truck for the town, public enforcement issues (right tire against the curb on the left side of the street = ticket) and snow removal.
Hahaha! Except for the snow removal, I think we covered those issues last week š
Reblogged this on The Peanut Butter Table and commented:
Ned has wonderful insight to his writing… as well as being a crazyhead. Check out his latest. Thanks, everyone!
Obviously the marketing is brilliant if they intend to run a production to fill in the space between the Vagina Monologues and the Puppetry of the Penis shows.
Hahahahaha!
Oh wait… “fill the space…”
Wow, you’re good.
grin…yes…yes i am…i’m not bad with a turn of phrase either
I kind of figured that…
guess it DEPENDS who the target audience is.
I would be nervous sitting with those people.
Are you sure it wasn’t a pornographic Gallagher concert?
Certainly gives a new interpretation for “Under the C”
LOL! Yeah mahn!
Hilarious! Good catch. It would be so easy for someone too close to the subject to miss that inappropriate headline. I’ve lived in small towns in rural Canada and I imagine the public attitude is similar in small town USA – conservative along the lines of “If ya wanna bed ‘er, ya better wed ‘er.”
ā« Under da sea, Under da sea ā«
It’s ironic that song was sung by a happy crab.
HAHAHAHAHA! (And a girl that smells like fish…)
Oh, how innocent the early 90’s were in comparison to the present! I never gave it a second thought, but taken out of context that tagline is very disturbing for a children’s movie. I live with my two year old niece, who watches the songs from the little mermaid on youtube sometimes. Sure enough, the song ‘Under the Sea’, sung by the crab Sebastian, has a line that reads ‘darling it’s better down where it’s wetter’. I probably hear that song a few times each week…will try not to let my mind go to dirty places next time I hear it…
I finally bought your book btw! It’ll be a while before I get to read, cause I had to send it to family in the Netherlands…I guess it’s ironic that Humor at the speed of Life takes a while to reach the Caribbean, down where it’s slower (and wetter;))
Hahaha! I hope I didn’t ruin The Little Mermaid for you!
And thanks so much for buying the book, Arend. I take that as a real compliment. I hope you enjoy it ā assuming it arrives before you lose your sight š
Oh, don’t worry…I once did an entire post about Ariel suddenly having a vagina (something the movie didn’t really explore) and the fact that her husband Eric eats a lot of her fish friends, so your post just adds to the flavor for me…
As for your book I’m sure it’ll find its way to my home somehow. I’ll let you know when I’ve read it of course, I must say my expectations are high;)
Lol! It goes without saying that “high expectations” would come from someone who wrote about Ariel having a va-jay-jay!
Haha…true!
Ok, so now we have a title. We need a story. About a little crab and all his misadventures…
Sounds like something I’m SURE we could sell to Disney!
I’m convinced someone has tried already…
Maybe Touchstone then? Or The Playboy Channel. With some revisions, of course…
You might as well call the BBC, some of their stuff is pretty risky..
So I’ve heard! The Brits… who’d have thought?
You should watch “Embarrassing bodies”. It will destroy you.
That sounds enticingly horrible.
it is…