… This Just In …



[Breaking News: from another strangely irrelevant moment in our newsroom…]

Over the last 15 years, our newsroom has faced many moments of crisis which, if not for the level-headed quick thinking I’ve developed as a journalist, could’ve lead to disaster. Or at the very least a sprained finger, such as yesterday, when I defused an escalating “situation” by dividing the last donut into five equal pieces. This morning brought a new crisis on a scale we have never faced before; a “situation” that could have a ripple effect on our newsroom for years to come; an unforeseen change that none of us was prepared for.

Sometime during the night, a door had been added connecting our editor’s office DIRECTLY to the newsroom…

My accusatory finger points at the door in question, which didn't exist before last night. Unless I drink more often than I realized.
My accusatory finger points at the door in question, which didn’t exist before last night. Unless I drink way more than I realized.

Until now, in order for our editor to come into the newsroom, she had to leave her office on the opposite side of the wall, turn a small corner and come through a separate door β€” allowing us ample time to close inappropriate websites Candy Crush from our computer screens and replace them with work-related items.

Not anymore.

With one quick turn of the door knob β€” BAM! She in the newsroom standing there with her hands on her hips and looking like this…

If not for the hat, she would be through her new door even faster.
If not for the hat, she could be through her new door even faster.

Realizing the implications of this door and its potential effects on our way of life in the newsroom, I used my experience as a journalist to remain calm and devise a solution that was subtle enough to go unnoticed, yet still effective enough to keep her from utilizing her new powers…

Yeah, that should do it.
Yeah, that should do it.

Depending on her mood, I may need to add another file cabinet.

(Ned Hickson is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His first book, Humor at the Speed of Life, is available from Port Hole Publications, Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble.)

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Ned's Blog

I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writer’s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...

44 thoughts on “… This Just In …”

  1. If that hat comes with a broom, best you just rig a bucket of water over the door so when she opens it she immediately melts into a puddle of goo on the floor. Problem solved. Not that I’m calling her the Wicked Witch or anything, just that I think, like cats, all witches have an aversion to water.

  2. Oh, my…inventive, I will give you that, but I think she’s not going to be foiled by a mere file cabinet……best get out the brass bells too!

  3. See I would just screw in one of those chains that has to be released for entry, she could only open it a couple inches and have to give the password for full entry.

  4. I just learned how dangerous it is to be drinking water and reading your blog at the same time! Good thing I didn’t fry my computer! But, it does look cleaner! Now, I guffawed and snorted… Ok, I really just LOL! I needed that… THANKS!

      1. That would make for an even more interesting series of posts.
        *flashes an evil grin in sync with sinister music playing in the background and yells*
        Does anyone have a paintbrush around here?

No one is watching, I swear...

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