…TAT-tat-tat-TAT-TAT-tat-tat-TAT…
[Breaking News: from another strangely irrelevant moment in our newsroom…]
Over the last 15 years, our newsroom has faced many moments of crisis which, if not for the level-headed quick thinking I’ve developed as a journalist, could’ve lead to disaster. Or at the very least a sprained finger, such as yesterday, when I defused an escalating “situation” by dividing the last donut into five equal pieces. This morning brought a new crisis on a scale we have never faced before; a “situation” that could have a ripple effect on our newsroom for years to come; an unforeseen change that none of us was prepared for.
Sometime during the night, a door had been added connecting our editor’s office DIRECTLY to the newsroom…
Until now, in order for our editor to come into the newsroom, she had to leave her office on the opposite side of the wall, turn a small corner and come through a separate door — allowing us ample time to close inappropriate websites Candy Crush from our computer screens and replace them with work-related items.
Not anymore.
With one quick turn of the door knob — BAM! She in the newsroom standing there with her hands on her hips and looking like this…
Realizing the implications of this door and its potential effects on our way of life in the newsroom, I used my experience as a journalist to remain calm and devise a solution that was subtle enough to go unnoticed, yet still effective enough to keep her from utilizing her new powers…
Depending on her mood, I may need to add another file cabinet.
(Ned Hickson is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His first book, Humor at the Speed of Life, is available from Port Hole Publications, Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble.)
Ned's Blog 
I must say, I don’t think it’ll do the trick. Maybe add a few more feet in height and fill with bricks. She looks small but mighty:).
Good idea. There’s no such thing as overkill in this situation.
Please video her trying to get in! That would be great! lol
I think I might be able to sell that idea to Universal as a horror film idea!
If that hat comes with a broom, best you just rig a bucket of water over the door so when she opens it she immediately melts into a puddle of goo on the floor. Problem solved. Not that I’m calling her the Wicked Witch or anything, just that I think, like cats, all witches have an aversion to water.
Wow! Now that you mention it, she keeps a broom in her office but I’ve never seen her sweeping. Or coming to and from work…
*Goes to look for bucket*
This made me LAUGH!! 😀 She does look a little intimidating.
I’m so glad!
Keep in mind she was actually in a good mood that day…
She’s neither a good witch nor a bad witch; she’s a meh witch. That’s the face of Latuda.
I slip some in her vodk… I mean “water glass” every morning.
Ah HA! That’s where my ruby red slippers are!
That would also explain the flapping and monkey sounds coming from her office.
Lions, and tigers and bears, oh my!
Reblogged this on williamkaramk.
Oh, my…inventive, I will give you that, but I think she’s not going to be foiled by a mere file cabinet……best get out the brass bells too!
Maybe I’ll try add a few coats to the rack. And fill the pockets with gravel.
For a minute there, I thought someone had cleaned The Door.
Not while I’m alive.
Been watching Looney Tunes, eh?
Yikes! I never considered she might have an ACME portable hole!
Those holes are dangerous.
In my experience, most holes are.
Indeed.
Just to be on the safe side, you checked the hinges right? She has to push the door open and not pull it open?
oh crap…
Uh oh. Thanks for the snort this afternoon.
Sarah, you’re always welcome to drop by for a snort or, in rare cases, even a guffaw!
Now they are rare, I’ll admit. But thank you.
See I would just screw in one of those chains that has to be released for entry, she could only open it a couple inches and have to give the password for full entry.
That’s a great idea! The I can spray paint “Dead In Here” on the door!
I just learned how dangerous it is to be drinking water and reading your blog at the same time! Good thing I didn’t fry my computer! But, it does look cleaner! Now, I guffawed and snorted… Ok, I really just LOL! I needed that… THANKS!
You’re so welcome, Gwynn! By the way, there is a Surgeon General’s warning somewhere on this blog…
like ross, i had a moment of panic, when i thought someone had given the door a fresh start. thank god it was a false alarm!
When I leave some day, I’m taking The Door with me. I will hang it on the wall next to my Hans Solo in Carbonite.
good call –
Clever pft
What a witch!
Do you need me to teach you how to make the Indian swastika sign over her door? That ought to keep her away! 😉
Haha! With my luck she’s dyslexic and would read it backwards.
That would make for an even more interesting series of posts.
*flashes an evil grin in sync with sinister music playing in the background and yells*
Does anyone have a paintbrush around here?
You could just turn your desks around so she can’t sneak up from behind. Or would that look too suspicious.
My desk is a wrap-around, so if I face it the other way it would be against the wall and I couldn’t get in.
Hey, that’s not a bad idea…
Oh you are a cruel man.
If a second file cabinet doesn’t do the trick, might I suggest digging a deep hole and then covering it with a throw rug?
I like the way you think! As long as you’re on MY side…