Just like Kanye West’s next public outburst, Father’s Day will be here before we know it. That means Dad will once again be wearing new underwear and smelling like he’s been attacked by a cologne salesman (who, in self defense, Dad likely strangled with his new paisley tie.) This year, why not break from tradition and do something special by letting Dad keep his multiple-exit underwear and, instead, give him something he really wants?

Like, say… bacon-scented body wash?

That’s right. As a service to fathers, I have assemble a short list of alternative gift ideas for Dad over at Long Awkward Pause. These are gifts that say how much you care about him even though, apparently, the Consumer Products Safety Commission does not.

Before we start, let me assure you that all of the items are:

1) Real products.
2) Created by people whose primary heat source — I’m guessing — is a bong.

Some come join me at Long Awkward Pause by clicking HERE!

Having trouble? HERE works, too!