One thing I do that ALWAYS turns my wife on

Yeah, being geeky together helps, too...
Yeah, being geeky together helps, too…
Since the thong incident, I realize any tenuous grip, however slight, I might have had on entertaining the hope of becoming a sex symbol — again however slight — essentially disappeared into the sandy void of those dunes. And to keep from making things any worse, I won’t define what I mean by “sandy void.”

Still, come this August, I’ll have been an extremely happily married man for seven years. That’s because, in additon to the blessings my wife and I share as a couple who truly enjoys every moment together — and the knowledge that NO day would be as good as it could be without each other in it — I also happen to know how to… well… Ummm, please my wife.

*Ahem* If you know what I mean.

*wink wink*

*cough cough*

Ok, if you still don’t know what I mean, then this short video about my secret bedroom tip should help…



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Ned's Blog

I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writer’s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...

67 thoughts on “One thing I do that ALWAYS turns my wife on”

  1. Hahaha! This is what showed in my email notification: “Since the thong incident, I realize any tenuous grip, however slight, I might have had on entertaini…”

    I saw the word “thong” and dashed right over. I missed you in a thong, but you nailed the sexy. I’m expecting my husband to make that noise a lot – tomorrow. 😉

  2. Does she prefer the upright or the canister position? And what would be her favorite – Dyson? Hoover? Or **shudder** the Bissell Powerforce Turbo?

    Whew! There is far too much suction there for me to even continue. **wipes sweat from forehead**

      1. I cannot wait until my son is old enough to embarrass. Ha! He’s been driving us nuts for years, why not. Just kidding. I love the little gremlin so much. Just..way… much…energy!!!!

        1. When your child begins worrying about being embarrased by you, the balance of power shifts dramatically in your favor! Just hold on until then!

  3. I have to admit I have been using the same noise to dazzle my wife. She tends to yell “don’t stop” whenever I get tired. This gets me going again until every bit of the bedroom has been covered with the essence of John du Vac.

  4. Love it! I’m pretty sure I’ve never heard my husband make that noise, though. Hmmm. May have to try the Dirt Devil nickname.

    Happy (soon) anniversary, Ned, and I have to say, once again, that every time I see a picture of you and your wife, I can’t help but notice how the love just shines from both of you. It always makes me feel good. Geek it up all you want. It’s beautiful to behold!

  5. Oh baby, YES!
    You totally stole my husband’s move. Then, when things are really heating up…he’ll do the dishes, too. Seriously, how can a girl catch a moment’s rest with guys like you throwing it down?

  6. That is hilarious! My late husband was known to wear an apron when he washed up – it was the hottest thing this side of the black stump. It was hard to keep my hands to myself. Just thinking about it makes me a little giddy. So glad you two have something similar.
    ps: That is a great photograph. Your wife is beautiful, deserving of all the suction you can give. *Wink, wink* *Nudge, nudge* *Know what I mean* *Say no more*.

    Are you all punking me? “Let’s talk about a video that doesn’t exist and make Samara (more) crazy”

    Stop saying things like “her happiness is my own.” Must you be THIS wonderful? Staaaahp.

    1. WHAT?!? Did your 3D glasses not arrive? You can’t see it without those on! Here’s a link that might work in 2D. Possibly even 1— which is probably safer for everyone.

      In the meantime, I’ll work harder on my inner schmuck 😉

      Love ya, Samara

  8. I’m actually getting married myself in about five months; I will have to remember that for the honeymoon. I don’t know if the hotel will have a carpet for the vacuuming, but I am on that. …. so to speak.

    1. First: Congratulations! That’s fantastic, Michael 😉

      Secondly, there is a non-motorized vacuum that is good on carpets or tile called a “Hokey.”

      Every heard of the “Hokey Pokey?”

  9. Was expecting more of a carpet sweeper, but nice to see at your age, you can still manage an upright. Is your missus into the attachments or is she a nothing-but-hose traditionalist?

  10. So I paused my morning playlist to hear the sound of a vacuum? Luckily you were actually vacuuming, something I do enjoy seeing my husband do in the bedroom.

  11. Haha!! Well, that is one of the things that get me hot and bothered. If I can stay on my recliner and write or read I’m happy.

No one is watching, I swear...

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