Adding scorpions could improve some spectator sports

image On the rare occasion I’ve found myself sitting on the couch watching golf on TV, I’ve often thought, How do dragonflies mate in mid-air?

That’s just how EXCITING sports like golf, bowling and some other “spectator sports” are for people like me, who need to have at least some element of danger involved in order to keep our attention. Otherwise we might as well be watching competitive knitting.

Although, to be fair, Jamie Lee Curtis did use knitting needles to fend off Michael Meyers in Halloween, so at least there’s the potential for a psychopath to suddenly show up at a knitting competition and be mercilessly taken down in a flurry of knitting needles. And then thoughtfully covered in a beautiful handmade quilt.

My point is that I’m actually over at Long Awkward Pause today, where we’re all busy knitting what appears to be a blanket shaped like an amoeba. It would probably help if we had a pattern. And some knitting needles. But none of us is allowed to have sharp objects.

I’m also there talking about ways we could improve boring spectator sports like golf, bowling, The Bachelorette and others with just a few simple changes — such as adding live scorpions.

So come join the gang over at Long Awkward Pause by clicking HERE. If you have knitting needles, you might want to bring them…

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Ned's Blog

I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writer’s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...

9 thoughts on “Adding scorpions could improve some spectator sports”

  1. As a glacier-bound Canadian, I spend an inordinate amount of time being subjected to Winter biathlon footage (cross-country skiing and target shooting).

    Not that long ago, I submitted a note to the International Olympic Committee suggesting how they might make the sport a little more exciting: Make it downhill skiing or ski-jumping and have the participants shoot at each other.

    I swear that four James Bond films opened with this scenario and who has seen a boring James Bond film (On Her Majesty’s Secret Service notwithstanding)?

      1. The Beatles already took care of that in the movie “Help” when the curling stone was replaced with a timebomb…added a sense of urgency to the game.

        (Sadly, YouTube let me down…no curling clip from the movie.)

No one is watching, I swear...

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