I don’t generally do awards. Too many elementary school disappointments, like the time Billy Guthry was voted by cafeteria staff as “Most Likely to Barf on Succotash Day” when, in fact, I still get queasy thinking about the way the zuccini looked in that gelatinous broth.
Like vegetable mucus and stewed tomatoes.
Hold on. I’ll be right back…
Sorry. Where was I?
Right, Billy Guthry killing my dream.
Anyway, that was a long time ago and I’ve moved on. And while I still tend to shy away from awards, particuarly when it involves competing against other writers (unless Billy Guthry shows his face), I made an exception when Kendall F. Person informed me that I was a nominee for the Public Blogger Award. When he explained that I was one of only two nominees to make it by a unanimous vote from a field of 700 performers, I was so surprised I almost vomited.
Take that, Billy Guthry.
For those who may not be familiar with this award, it’s sort of like The Oscars of the blogosphere. Except no one cares who I’m wearing. What makes this year different and groundbreaking is that, unlike past years when there were winners in several categories, there will only be one winner: Performance of the Year, which is based on the nominee’s overall body of work.
For those of you who have seen my body in the Terminator spoof, I know what you’re thinking: Wow, he’s got his work cut out for him.
Especially since, in addition to weekly challenges voted on by judges, there will also be public votes and weekly eliminations leading up to the finale Dec. 30, when the winner is announced.
I should also mention I’m the only humorist among an extremely talented group of nominees, which includes poets, singers, photographers, bloggers and artists from around the world — All of whom, I should point out, appear to be in better shape than me.
See what I mean? All these people are too good-looking to also be this talented. It isn’t fair!
I’m starting to feel sick…
Anyway, the first public vote will be Oct. 12. The specifics haven’t been released yet, but when they are I promise to pass them along almost as fast as Mrs. Webber’s succotash.
In all seriousness, it’s going to be a lot of fun and a little crazy. Actually a LOT crazy. Whether you vote or not, I still hope you’ll share in the experience with me here or on my Facebook page. Regardless of the outcome, it’s your wonderful support that got me this far and I am truly appreciative. There is no winner or loser at this point.
Except Billy Guthry, who unwittingly inspired me to accept this challenge by losing his lunch those many years ago.
Until the next update, here’s the short video used as an introduction following my nomination. Relax, I promise there is no red thong footage…
Again, thank you ALL for being the reason I’m counted among this group of talented folks in the first place.
(Ned Hickson is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation and a member of the writing team at Long Awkward Pause. His first book, Humor at the Speed of Life, is available from Port Hole Publications, Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble.)