There are certain perks that come with being a syndicated columnist. For example, just last month at the Oregon Plumbling Convention, I was honored with delivering the opening plunge in the Northwest Clogged Commode competition. In terms of prestige, this is like ringing the opening bell at the New York Stock Exchange. At least in the competitive plumbing circuit. I have also been a guest judge at the Portland Freestyle Burping Contest and keynote speaker at the Nouns of Baskervilles writers conference. Yet in spite of my notariety, I was admittedly a little surprised when Taco Bell included me among its new “Mystery Box Menu Item” promotional ads for the Super Bowl.
If you haven’t see these commercials, sports stars like James Harden and other high-profile celebrities are given a plain green box representing Taco Bell’s new menu item, but aren’t told what the item is. That’s because thanks to marketing wizardry — and an unfortunate incident that resulted in 500,000 burned taco shells — the new item won’t be available to the general public until Feb. 8. But considering the release of the Waffle Taco last year, we can all agree anything is possible. Which could explain how I ended up with a “Mystery Box” in the first place.
Yesterday, I released an 8-second preview of the commercial here and on my Facebook page.
Today, here’s proof that I’m just as in the dark about the new menu item as everyone else…
Tomorrow, I expect to hear from Taco Bell’s lawyers.
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Ned's Blog 
The glass half empty part of my brain says it will end up being something like New Coke.
You mean an empty taco shell filled with dry noodles? Gotch’a.
And a packet of seasoning to sprinkle over it
Mild sauce.
Ew… What was that dripping stuff?
I try not to think about it…
That which does not kill us, often returns to take a second pass
That would explain Sarah Palin returning to politics…
Aren’t *all* of Taco Bell’s items ‘mystery items’?
(We don’t have Taco Bell in the UK, so I’m literally only trying to be funny here.)
Hahaha! It worked!
Ironically, how will remain a mystery… 😉
I want to know who’s paying the 5 million for this ad? LOL
Haha! You might want to check your bank balance…
Or not! 🙂
This is one of those cases where you might want to put your lawyer on speed dial – and maybe an ambulance – once you open it.
Apparently I’m in the dark about the marketing campaign to begin with… but I haven’t eaten anything at Taco Bell since I was 21. And for good reason.
That would explain why the Taco Bell Chihuhua has been saying, “Yo quiero Taraka?”
Good thing I’m hard of hearing.
Sarah Palin never left, you twit (is that the singular of tweet? … as in you’re full of sheet?) …
Trust me, she left us all a long time ago.
Trust me, we all need comic relief. That’s why we love you so much. So what was the Taco Bell mystery item?
After all that, our local Taco Bell wasn’t part of the Saturday launch! I’d have to drive to Eugene to get mine. So I’ll be getting what is essentially a Cheesy Hot Pocket on Monday with everyone else. Apparently, my “celebrity” has its limits…
Lawyers, man…
It’s been real, Ned.