The three elements of a “Perfect Storm” came together here on the Oregon coast two years ago today. And no, I’m not talking about Bigfoot, Geraldo Rivera and Fox News. I’m talking about a combination of natural elements that led to one of my favorite moments here on this blog:
Extremely strong winds
Heavy rain
My weak acrobatic skills.
Granted, this is always a dangerous combination. Especially when my family suggests I do something funny, like pretend the wind is lifting me off the ground. Under normal circumstance — such as sitting on the couch, completely dry and nowhere near a pole — this would not have been a problem. But as we made our way through the school parking lot fighting the wind and rain, the third element of this Perfect Storm scenario developed.
“Honey, you should do that pole thing where you lift your legs up like it’s windy,” my wife suggested. “I’ll get a picture!”
“But it really IS windy,” I replied.”
“Exactly! It’ll look even funnier!”
Naturally, my response was what you’d expect from a then 47-year-old man with limited health coverage.
“COOL! OKAY!”
After taking the above photo, we all had a good laugh. Then my loving wife suggested we take it up a notch. “Hey, let’s do a video of it!”
Keep in mind that my wife and son were both remaining warm and dry in the car during all this, and that I — along with the pole — were getting wetter by the minute. I, of course, took all of this into consideration before putting my foot down and answering with an unequivocal, “OKAY!”
The first take went pretty well…
With that take safely recorded, the smart thing to do would have been to get into the car and drive home. But then I asked myself, “Would Martin Scorsese quit with one take? Would Stanley Kubrick? Sure, NOW he would. But what about before he was dead?”
The second take didn’t go quite so well..
Thanks to the rain, things didn’t get much better…
Should the police ever decide to investigate what I’m sure were numerous reports of a man attempting to commit suicide by sliding down a pole face-first into the mud, I’ll be easy to find. That’s because, in addition to the lasting impression I made on those who witnessed this event, two years later I’m pretty sure there’s still a good impression of my face at the bottom of that pole.
But I have to say, looking back on it now, hearing my wife’s laughter then and now made the hypothermia and dislocated mustache totally worth it…
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(Ned Hickson is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His first book, Humor at the Speed of Life, is available from Port Hole Publications, Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble.)
Ned's Blog 
Hysterical!
The things I won’t do for a laugh. Seriously, does anyone know? 😉
Have you ever tried pole dancing? You might be a natural…
I’ll stick to the brass pole at the fire station. It’s safer!
You crack me up….Maybe I should try that is a mini-dress…Hehehehehe…..
xx
Sooz
Why didn’t I think of that?!!
Next time Ned….Talk with the wife first though….Hehehehehe….
xx
Sooz
Ha! That picture is adorable. Your wife is a lucky woman! There’s nothing better than a man willing to face plant in the mud just to make you laugh. 😉
She’s totally worth it 😉
Crazy hysterical. 😀 😀 😀
I don’t mind others laughing at my pain… 😉
Pain? Oh. I guess I forgot ’cause I was in stitches…
Hahaha! Ouch 😉
A dislocated mustache! That must have hurt something wicked. Glad you stopped when you did.
That’s why I grew a beard… 😉
lol thanks for the laugh.
You’re welcome! Hey, maybe I’ll make a fitness video!
You could try stripping. You do have the pole. 😉
“That’s what SHE said.” ba-DUH-bum
😀
ahoy, sailor.
I think it’s Chips, Ahoy in my case
… just admit that you pulled at least one muscle doing that… admit it!
FINE! It’s just embarrassing talking about that muscle in public.
ha… but I once threw out my shoulder… pushing one of my daughters on the swing at a park… but I told everyone it was a sports-related injury.
Aren’t they all? *wink*
exactly
Dammit Ned, next time can you please put a disclosure that says ” Do NOT attempt to read this at work , you will start laughing out loud and not be able to stop, and everyone knows you never laugh at this hell hole, THEREFORE, EVERYONE WILL KNOW you are not working.
I hope it’s not windy at the unemployment office.
That was great!
Sorry, Kristin. If you get fired, I’ll wait with you at the unemployment office and pretend it’s windy… 😉
It would be worth it to see that in person. Your brilliantly funny.
Thanks, Kristin — Can I use you as a reference? 😉
Only if your feet are flying up in the air, wait…that doesn’t sound right.
Yea, go ahead and use me…doesn’t sound right…
Never mind…put me down as a reference of course!
Hahaha! You’ll clearly make a great character witness, too 😉
Still funny.
That was flipping hilarious!! I’m so happy when I find other kindred spirits who are willing to look like a total goof in order to get a laugh out of people.
Exactly! We should all share the same health coverage 😉
You make goofy look cool, Ned…
Maybe. But I also make sexy look boring. So it’s kind of a draw.
You’re braver than me…I never let them video when I do things like that.
I’m either braver or less intelligence… it’s a fine line, Diane 😉