Yesterday, I wrote about the obligation we all share in pursuing our weirdness, and how the city of Portland in my home state of Oregon has an unofficial slogan I feel is a noble pursuit: Keep Portland Weird. For those of you who have read my last few posts, you’ve probably figured out I actually spent some time in the City of Weirdness last week. If you haven’t read them, I’m sorry — but it’s too late to issue a spoiler alert.
That being said, during my stay I encountered what was easily the most annoying door in the history of hotel rooms. And as someone who actually read “The History of Hotel Room Doors” by Robert Hookey, you can trust my judgement.
While it would’ve been easy to react by demanding the hotel to bring a can of WD-40 to my room (for the door hinges, jeez…), or move me to a different room, I decided to take my own advice and utilize my inner weirdness to keep things in perspective and deal with the situation with a laugh instead of a grumble.
What follows is the result of weirdness in action…
I’m pretty sure this will end any chance I had of ever being on Animal Planet…
______________________________________________________________
Ned's Blog 
Epic door screechage.
I’m lucky that way…
You do realize that was a mis-spelling : it was supposed to be Keep Portland Wired but after all the promotional material and news releases and brochures were printed, they realized the error and it was too late, so they went with the flow.
As possible as your story of sharing your room with a baby elephant may be, I suspect there could be a more down to earth, simpler explanation. I saw a presentation a short while ago on cell ring tones. It turns out that our beloved teens are suffering great angst because they cannot leave their phone ringers on during classes. Who could blame them? After all it is a God-given right to talk on the cell phone and receive and send texts. Imagine the nerve of the teachers. Anyway, our ingenious teens have devised a solution to this. Apparently when we are young -i.e. under about 20 years – our hearing is much more sensitive to higher frequencies. (true story) so they developed a high freq ring tone that can only be heard by those under 20. And it works!
So,that said, I would like to postulate that there is yet another range that can only be heard by women. And that bathroom door is supposed to be broadcasting in the female range – audible only to women and calling them to the luxuries and relaxation of a good bathroom stay – be it a bath or an extended visit to the throne – just any relaxation and alone time for a busy woman of the 21st century. Somehow, the door has gotten out of tune and is now calling to all male comedians over the age of 40 – and I must say it is working well there. A quick call to the door tuners,or a teen, whichever is nearest, should fix the problem.
Hahaha! I think my only hope is to go deaf.
😀
Ha,ha,ha! Way to turn a negative into fun-worthy news! Love it! 🙂
That’s pretty much my life!
You are awesome to spread your humor and positivity! 🙂
Thanks so much 😉 Fortunately, I’ve never contracted anything else I could spread.
Tanks for the laffs, Ned. 😄🐘📲
Lol! You’re welcome, Judy 😉
Okay, so who was in your motel room doing the filming? And don’t say mama elephant and we are supposed to ignore the elephant in the room.
Hahaha! It was actually my daughter. We had a dad/daughter weekend to celebrate her turning 21. There may have been a pink elephant somewhere, too 😉
OMG. Such a good laugh. 😀
Thanks, Lynette 😉
I’ve been considering filming some vlogs or perhaps even a pilot version of my blog, Ned. (Lord knows I can’t get a network to spit on me if I was on fire, never mind buy a pitch from me.)
If I take that route I pray can be half as entertaining/zany/inspiring/brave/foolish as you, my friend.
In case it isn’t apparent yet, I loved this!
Thanks, my friend. And PLEASE do the vlogs! I know they’ll be great. Besides, I think I see a Travelocity sponsorship in this for you…
Only if Travelocity stops trying.
YES! Hook! Do a vlog!!
Reblogged this on You've Been Hooked! and commented:
If I ever grow up or get reincarnated, I want to be/come back as Ned Hickson.
This son of a B is one funny son of a B.
Read.
Enjoy.
Try to get the image of Ned splayed out across a bed out of your head, kids…
Growing up is clearly not a possibility. Be maybe getting reincarcerated…
Oh wait, that’s “reincarnated.”
Never mind.
So funny. It would have driven me nuts, and into the shower bottle! I found out some years ago that in the absence of grease, oil or WD40 for such creakiness, liquid soap/shower gel/washing up liquid was a quick temporary solution. Just don’t splash around too much in the bathroom…….. those bubbles can be a bitch to get rid of! 🙂
Thanks for the tip! I’ve found that a screwdriver also helps. Once I drink a few, I really don’t care about a squeaky door anymore.
Despite what they may say about the contents of a woman’s handbag, sadly a screwdriver is not in mine!
Hahaha! You could always just carry a flask of vodka and oranage juice.
Now that’s a thought!
I’m full of great ideas that run the risk of including jail time 😉
Ha ha ha ha!
Prior to the mentioning of birthing a baby elephant, which is dead on, I thought it sounded like an epic fart. One for the record books, one to be worked into every conversation ever for the rest of existence, one that never fails to make the crowd roar…the rock star of farts if you will.
You know, I thought the same thing after watching the part where I wince… like it was escaping from deep within my own gastro system. Possibly after “all you can eat” night at the Enfermo Taco.
And yes, epic farts last forever. Like soundwaves in space or something.
Hahahaha!! So true.
Hahaha. Now I want to go on safari, or at least to my local zoo, and watch an elephant give birth. Nice one, Ned!
If you do, I’ll expect a call from your therapist 😉
Oh, don’t worry. I’ll close my eyes…just like you did for us in the video.
Haha!
After watching your video, I will now refer to my bathroom efforts on days of constipation as “birthing a baby elephant”.
HaHaHa! That could be the new “Bazzinga!”
I think Animal Planet may just want to challenge you now!
Bring it! (But be gentle)
Lol….I’ll send the memo. 😉
On our trip to Europe last summer, we stayed in a hotel in Munich that reminded me of that ongoing skit on Saturday Night Live where the German talk show host kept telling people to ‘touch my monkey’… oh yeah, Sprokets… Now is ze time on Sprekets ver ve dance! This room was total hipster German… the door to the bathroom, which was like a traditional Japanese wall in a house, made of thick paper set between square wooden frames… and the door opened in a really weird way… it was on a central pivot pole, so you pushed on either end and it swung around. This sounds okay, as long as nobody was standing anywhere near it, or worse, trying to get in while you were trying to get out…
Hahaha! Oh man, I can’t even get through one of those turnstile doors in big hotels and office buildings. Trying to get into the bathroom after eating German food would be a nightmare.
revolving doors are the devil’s playground…
I’m still roaring. You’re so friggin’ hilarious!!! 🙂
“Roaring.”
Red Lion Inn.
I see what you did there… 😉
Funnin’ with punnin’ 🙂
Giggles! I’m sitting here in the living room with my husband as he watches The Voice. This means the sound is off. This video is hilarious even without sound – especially as I make up my own story to go along with your antics. I can’t wait to get to a space where I can hear what’s going on, too. You are so creative! Love this!
Now I want to see the MamaMick Terry voiceover version of this video!
Words cannot…
I get that a lot, actually.
Haha! that was fun! New ways to view old things….now, that’s got me thinking…. 😉
Lol! Wow, I never thought of it as thought-provoking… Thanks, Donna!