I am a father with three teens. As a result, if a priest were to visit my home and witness the amount of eye rolling that occurs, he would schedule an exorcism faster than you can say “The Conjuring.”
I realize this is a teen thing, and that it’s not easy going through physical and emotional changes generally reserved for a full moon. I understand how the Molotov cocktail of hormones created during this time makes everything annoying, particularly when I say something insensitive such as, “Hi.”
However, come Father’s Day, I will remind my them about the recently discovered 11th Commandment, in which God said unto the teenagers of the world: “Thou shalt not eye roll thine parents. Tis truly annoying.”
They will immediately Google it and discover I’m making up this Commandment, at which point the whites of their eyes will begin that slow, exaggerated roll they know drives me nuts… and then they’ll remember:
Oh no, It’s Father’s Day.
“Ahhh-HA!” I’ll say. “Today, the only whites I want to see will be on the eggs you’re cooking me for breakfast!”
Ok, not really.
All eye rolling aside, my teenagers are good kids who, on Father’s Day, honestly do their best to make it special. While it’s a day we show appreciation for fathers, I can tell you it’s as much a day that we fathers quietly appreciate the gift of our children. Sure, there are moments when it feels like a white elephant gift, but we wouldn’t exchange it for anything. Especially since most white elephant gifts are limited to $5 anyway.
When I look back over the years and how sharing the ups and downs, good and bad, joys and frustrations of our children have shaped our lives as a family, I’m reminded of how much it has shaped me as a father and a man. And not just in terms of weight gain from bake sales and Girl Scout cookies. I can honestly say my children have taught me as much about myself as I’ve tried to teach them about themselves.
Without them, and each other, I know my life would never have become everything I hoped it would be.
Do I sometimes wish “everything I hoped it would be” didn’t include those annoying eye rolls?
But I’ve also come to understand that it’s a small price to pay for fatherhood.
Together, it’s just the way we roll.
77 thoughts on “There shall be no eye rolling on Father’s Day”
Your kids are so lucky to have such a wonderful role model Ned. Wishing you a very Happy Father’s Day my friend.
Thanks so much, Lynn 😉
Hope you have a happy enjoyable day with your family. Hubby and I will be up to the Abbey in the afternoon to light candles for both our Dads.
Thanks so much, and that sounds like a beautiful and meaningful way to celebrate the memory of your fathers.
It’s lovely and peaceful in the Abbey, and we can take the dog in. We go often, not just special days, and are convinced the Old Boys are laughing at our latest ‘escapade’ as the candles flicker!
That’s for certain 😉
I hope you do have a happy Father’s Day Ned… I’m sure you have great kids! Enjoy them while they are still home! 😀
Thanks, Courtney! I definitely enjoy them as much as I can. Between eye rolls, of course… 😉
of course… 🙂
You should do some studying Ned – your teens are slipping looks past you. The lead photo with the eye-roll also contains the “duck face” – a pursing of the lips denoting contempt. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_gestures Here’s a few hundred contemporary gestures that you can study so you are not caught unawares. You have to keep up Ned. Tsk, Tsk, oh, Happy Father’s Day! 😀
Lol! Thanks, Paul. But there’s a term I have come to embrace:
Ha! I’m with you there,
Ha! I know the eye rolls too well. What I love about Mother’s Day is that I remind them that they have to be nice to me ALL day, right up until midnight! 🙂
We really need to start a club…
You complain now, but one day you will miss the whites of those eyes. I offer mine to my dad every once in a while, just for old time’s sake. I know he appreciates it.
Haha! I’m sure I will. But even more so, I’m looking forward to teaching proper eye-rolling techniques to my grandchildren some day…
That’s what we call karma. And I’m looking forward to that myself.
My daughter, The Mad Madam Mim, could roll her eyes so hard she would stagger. She eventually learned to eye roll from a sitting position because falling over half way through ruined the effect. She’s 27 now and makes certain that I don’t have the opportunity to miss them because she and her boyfriend play ‘Knock a Door Eye Roll’. Trust me…..it’s far more annoying than the typical eye roll.
Actually, it sounds like something I may want to learn so I can counteract my teenagers!
The dreaded eyeroll *shudder* My daughter isn’t even a teen yet and I get the eyeroll… followed by a sigh, followed by a mutter, followed by a slammed door, followed by a trashed room, followed by …. You can see where I’m going with this.
I hope you have a great day, my friend! You deserve the greatest of cooked breakfasts! 🍳
Ouch! Haha! she’s going to be a fun one once the hormones really kick in! You may want to invest in saloon doors on her room like they have in the old westerns. Hard to slam those 😉 I actually took the door off of my son’s room once after he slammed it. None of my kids have ever slammed their doors again…
And thanks for the kind wishes, Amanda. With your example, there’s no question your daughter is bound for awesomeness 😉
Funny you mention that. We’ve only recently had her door replaced because she pretty much took it off the hinges. (Hmm, yes! Saloon doors might be more effective…thanks for the tip!)
Dudeeeee! I think her hormones have already kicked in. I can barely look at her these days without her snapping down my neck. Eeeeek! I’m actually hoping her going through this prematurely will result in it ending prematurely too! …just a thought! Please tell me it will end soon… 🙏🏼
And you’re welcome! Enjoy your day …and your eggs!
I’m with Ned Amanda – our daughter was using her door for lots of things other than its intended use. I too removed it and put it away in the basement and hid the hinge pins. She was much easier to negotiate with after that. She did eventually get it back some weeks after she calmed down. It was very inconvenient for her to have to get dressed in the bathroom and it threw a wrench in her “love” life (she was 13 going on 30)
It’s scary, isn’t it? Why can’t they stay young and innocent? Or at least act their age rather than reenacting those brats they see on the Disney channel (the Disney channel… I despair of it!) I did the same; my daughter was without a door for a good few weeks…and those few quiet weeks of zero door slamming were bliss! 🙂
Love life … 😳 luckily, my daughter still thinks boys smell!
All you can do as a parent is be as fair and consistent as possible with the rules and example you set. If you do those things and don’t let your emotions get the best of you, everything will eventually level out. Or as Disney would say, “Let it Go… Let it Go…”
Although I hate Disney… I have to agree!
…and now I have that song stuck in my head! Eeeeek!
Hahah! Sorry! It’s stuck in mine now, too. Maybe we can do a duet? That will teach our kids. And Disney!
*Pulls out the karaoke machine* Are you ready?
Lol! I think the question is whether everyone else is ready.
Oops! It’s too late for that… I can already hear the sound of cats wailing!
That makes sense; I’ve heard animals can sense disasters before they happen.
Same age my daughter was, Paul — and yes, the ripple effect through our other three kids worked very well 😉
Ha! I was reading a science fiction novel some years ago and they had created an artificial intelligence. The problem was that when it had achieved the reasoning level of a 13 year old, it went crazy and lost all its logic before shutting down. I’m sure that the author had a 13 year old girl as a child. Ha!
That’s a good idea, I will keep it in mind. Of course, when I was a teenager myself, I sawed off the door handle on the outside of my room’s door.
That explains a lot…
As the father of two teenagers myself, I completely agree with your remarks, except the part about weight gain. Not once have I been baked a Girl Scout cookie by either of my sons. Despite that, they’re still pretty good kids.
I think it’s a pretty genius idea to obviously make up the 11th commandment to get your kids to Google the actual ones – meaning that they’re going to find the 5th one, “Honor your father and your mother”, which clearly covers eye rolls. Also, they may notice that this commandment comes before all the ones about not murdering, stealing, and lying, which means honoring parents is more important.
Hahaha! Excellent points on the 10 Commandments, which I should have expected from List of X. And you’re so right: “No Eye Rolling Thine Parents” is certainly more important than not murdering , stealing, blah blah blah…
“your eyes will get stuck like that…!!”
Great, another doctor bill…
My three sons are all grown and I honestly can’t recall eyerolls although I got the silent treatment from the oldest, mouthiness from the middle, and the youngest flew under the radar. Wishing you a Happy EyeRolless Father’s Day.
Lol! Sounds a little like your were Goldilocks with the three bears 😉 Thanks for the kind wishes, Stephanae!
Hahaha!! You’re welcome Ned!
When I was a young’un (around 5 or 6 – I started the eye roll early) my Dad told me that if I rolled my eyes they would get stuck looking back into my head and I would never be able to see properly again. It took a long time for me to realize that wasn’t true, though I find it hard to roll my eyes even now.
You’re welcome to try this technique, though I think your kids may be too old to fall for it …
Lol! Maybe if my kids had started the eye roll a little earlier, I could’ve prevented it. Now, if I told them that, they would, well… Just roll their eyes.
But thanks anyway, Sarah! 😉
Lovely to see your sensitive side Ned. Happy Father’s Day. 🙂
My teenage dude has told me that on Father’s day I should have my breakfast and lunch at my favourite restaurants…so he could too.
Thoughtful aren’t they?
Lol! I’d tell him, “I plan to. I’ll tell you how it was.” 😉
haha..unfortunately he will undoubtedly have seven comebacks ready…
I hate it when the student has become the master!
Having read your recent Facebook post, I can see that fatherhood has prepared you well for dealing patiently with gun nuts. Or maybe it’s vice versa.
“Shoot later, ask questions first” is my motto…
The exchange (“exchange”) got me thinking in a weird way about equating the pro-gun movement with something about dog-tossing. It makes sense in my head, but it’s probably best I didn’t engage.
*snicker* (I rarely snicker) Maybe so, but I have to admit it’s something I’d like to see…
And speaking of exchange, I’m going to email you in a bit about our own “exchange.” News Media Corporation is considering the idea of covering the plane fare if we want to do it…
Huh. I have to start thinking seriously about this. And by “serious” I mean talk to my wife.
Haha! I’ve scheduled a pitch meeting with mine, too.
It reminded me of caber catching,but I didn’t mention that either.
HA! (Ned is now Googling “caber.”)
I come from a family of caber tossers. Fine, they were bar bouncers, but it’s kind of similar…
I stand humbled before you.
Ha! I somehow doubt that…
Probably right. The last thing you want is to enrage the caber-toting public, Paul…
As a licenced caber catcher, I feel confident that the caber toting public will have a hard time getting the drop on me. I once set 37 phone poles in place in 4 minutes when as many caber were tossed in that time period. Here I am catching an incoming high caber:
Please tell me you weren’t wearing a kilt…
Don’t you look up there! Ha! (I couldn’t lift a phone pole if my life depended on it 😀 )
As long as you can lift a phone. That’s all that matters 😉
good luck with that…
I bet your kids consider themselves pretty damn lucky to have you as their dad 🙂
Thanks for that 😉 Although sometimes they probably think they’re just damned…!
Good luck with that commandment, buddy…
I may need back-up. Like a plague or something.
By the way, you’re one of the best dads I know, pal.
I’m a teenager and yet I find the eye roll extremely annoying (mainly because my brother does it everytime I tell him something). Oh, the horror of them eye rolls!
I’m glad we can feel each other’s pain!