Unless you’re a hyperactive nine-year-old fueled by Pixie Sticks and Hostess Cupcakes without an ounce of concern for weight-gain because concern is the ONLY ounce you’re going to gain this holiday season, then you’re like the rest of us trying to get through the next six weeks without looking like Jabba the Hutt’s stunt double.
What this means is finding a healthy balance between satisfying your God-given right to partake in all of those delicious holiday treats while, at the same time, adhering to the God-given Commandment to avoid gluttony.
Yes, the Lord does indeed work in mysterious ways. Take fruitcake for example…
No, seriously. Please take mine.
That’s because over the next few weeks I’ll be sharing quick and easy holiday recipe tips that are both low-calorie and delicious! And not just because “quick and easy” is my pet name.
Today, I am going to show you how to make a cup of hot chocolate that you can drink as an alternative to buttered rum or egg nog, which are not only high in calories but, depending on the alcohol content, can lead to makinge a snow angel in the front yard wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
In August.
So avoid the awkwardness — and calories — with this hot and delicious alternative! (A pet name I’ve never had, by the way.)
Step one: Grab your favorite holiday mug!
Given the latest Star Wars movie coming out soon, this qualifies as a holiday mug
Step 2: After filling your holiday mug with water and heating it in the microwave until you hear the ceramic crack, add a packet of Swiss Miss low-calorie hot chocolate. Only 60 calories!
Only 60 calories because there’s no flavor… I mean SUGAR added!
Step three: Add one packet of chocolate mix, depending on the size of your wasteline mug
Hear that? It’s the sound of you getting skinnier! Without the diarrhea!
Step 4: Stir liberally (or conservatively, depending on where you stand on the issue) to distribute the ingredients evenly!
Yes, it’s a pink spoon and I’m man enough to admit it.
Step 5: Take your first sip!
There’s nothing like the satisfaction of knowing you are drinking responsibly, at least in terms of calories
Step 6: WHAT THE @#$%!
It’s missing something… oh yeah, FLAVOR!
Step 6.5: Add Hersey’s Dark Chocolate Syrup while no one is looking
Hey everyone! Look over there! Is that a new Star Wars ornament?!?
Step 7: Enjoy your beverage, and the satisfaction of knowing everyone is jealous of your amazing “willpower.”
Sometimes, one ingredient can make all the difference
Ok, fine. So this wasn’t exactly as low-calorie as I’d planned. But at least you won’t have to worry about ending up in the yard making snow angels again.
Next tip: How to eat holiday fudge without the guilt (or any memory of it)
(Have a low-calorie holiday recipe you’d like me to improve or otherwise ruin? Leave it in the comments box or contact me through one of my links. Except the sausage link. I’m not sharing that…)
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Ned's Blog 
I’ve already surrendered to the holidays and cast fate to the waist. A nip of alcohol and cookies keeps the Grinch away.
That’s my approach to eating in general.
hahahaha love this!
You can see why I’m not on Master Chef…
Actually that was far more ingenious then half the master chefs out there. 😉
You know what I never get tired of? Telling people I’m the same weight I was in high school. You’re welcome, world!
On behalf of the world, we’re all going to ignore the fact that you just said that.
And that’s not because you teach in high school, is it?
Loophole!
Hahahaha!
I don’t what it is but something’s just not sitting right about the low calorie drink recipe you shared..
Try a different chair…?
Maybe like one made out of chocolate syrup?
Add a dash of chili powder too. A little extra flavor, and no extra calories.
My wife, who is Spanish, introduced me to spicy chocolate. The drink, I mean…
Someone gave my Dad rum (he doesn’t drink) so he made rum balls. The smell was enough to lower our inhibitions and make us warm! No need to eat them. Therefore, a low-cal alternative to sweets and alcohol!
But aren’t alcohol and sweets part of the food pyramid, along with bacon?
I don’t recommend “stirring liberally”, Ned. “Liberally” means that we have to celebrate each ingredient equally, (but maybe a little more equal celebration for chocolate and cinnamon and a little less for vanilla), and you have to create a healthy mix that ideally produces a rich tapestry of diverse ingredients that do not dissolve into a uniformly-colored bland mass, while at the same time taking care that no single ingredient dominates the top of the cup nor sinks to the bottom. As you can see, “stirring liberally” can be so much work that you can actually lose weight from a liberally stirred cup. Although the good news is that any amount of milk fat is still beautiful and a cup should never be criticized for containing too much of it.
That’s it. From now on my hot chocolate will be shaken, not stirred.
I don’t know who they think they’re kidding with those packets. The only way to reach a drinkable liquid to powder ratio is to either significantly scale up the cocoa, or significantly scale down the mug.
Which is why I drink all my hot chocolate from a shot glass. The bonus of this is that once you’ve finished your cocoa you can just refill the shot glass with bourbon as necessary until you’re warm and carefree enough to not care about what a rip-off the hot chocolate was.
P.S. If you have any tips on how to curb an addiction to chocolate-covered German gingerbread, I’m all ears. Although that may be shifting to all hips any day now. Please help.
Oh my God… Chocolate covered German gingerbread? That sounds amazing! However, I’m pretty sure I can find a low-calorie version — which I will promptly destroy.
Dang it, reading this blog gave me diarrhea.
I suggest waiting until you’re constipated before reading.
Better than ExLax
Or most Indian food I’ve tried…
Nan
you remind me of martha stewart. or snoop dog.
I’ll go with Snoop Stewart.
I make a wonderful easy.. no fail, fudge that everyone loves. I remove every single calorie before they are given out! Promise! (fingers crossed) Seriously it is awesome stuff! Can’t wait for your other recipes! I think I remember the “hot chocolate” from last year?? Hmmmm… 😉
I’ll be the judge of how great your fudge is, Courtney… *waits at mailbox*
And yes, I started this last year and didn’t follow up. This year I plan to introduce some more equally tantalizing recipes 😉
Aww, come on. You’re no fun. How can you keep your weight all slim through the holidays, and deny yourself all the amazing goodies? Everyone’s going to follow your lead (because we are all followers at heart, and you’re such a natural leader), and pretty soon the sugar cane and dairy and wheat industries will crash because everyone will be eating nothing but carrot and celery sticks. Besides, what about the fodder for writing about New Years resolutions that center around losing the holiday ten or fifteen pounds?
If I’m assassinated by someone dropping a 25-pound bag of C&H sugar on my head from a hotel balcony, you’ll know why…
Have you sent an audition tape to Food Network? That’s gold, baby.
Hahaha! I’m pretty sure they would run a disclaimer with my show…
I just had some coffee with a chocolate spoon in it. Not kidding.
Yikes. Sometimes I hate touchscreens. Anyway, it melted right in & disappeared. It was great. 🙂
I bought a whole set of utensils made from chocolate. Tip: Don’t run your new chocolate utensils through the dish machine before using…
Your face was priceless in step6! LOL. I think you may want to stick with your day job, lol. Thank goodness you are hilarious and as always it was a fun read, but seriously Ned, your recipe sucks LMAO. Soooooooo looking forward to the next one! 🙂 🙂
The title of my Cook Book: “These Recipes Suck (At losing weight, anyway)”
Ok, I’m waiting for that book! 🙂 I’ll be reading your Humor book around the holidays. 🙂
Reblogged this on Smorgasbord – Variety is the spice of life and commented:
Recommended by Debby Gies who shared this post on FB.. for all of you who dread the necessity for elasticated waistbands from now until the end of January.. Ned Hickson promises a series of recipes to keep the seasonal bloat at bay.. thankfully like most of us he cheats!! Thanks Ned.
You’re more than welcome, Sally! Just remember that when it comes to these “low-cal” recipes, results may vary… And by that I mean weight gain.
I have a lifetime experience with that one Ned! I have put my scales back 10lbs already when the clocks went back! I will make another adjustment for guilt saving time the week before the big day.
Hahaha! Great plan! Just don’t “spring forward” in the spring!
I find it very difficult not to add a few secret highly calorific calories at this time of year. I’m storing up belly fat in case I need it to keep me warm… Unfortunately it doesn’t seem to be working! LOL!!
It’s the only sensible thing to do with winter coming on, and coats being so expensive nowadays, right?
Very funny. That mug is a killer!
Thanks! My daughter got it for me with the understanding I would never drink from it while dropping her off at school.
I agree. That’s s.o.m.e. mug.
Hilarious as always. Glad I don’t like hot chocolate or any chocolate at all. 😀 😀
Don’t like chocolate? Ok, more for me. I’ll send you my fruitcake.
When what to my wondering eyes did appear
But ten extra pounds on my hips, thighs and rear….
Always balance your Christmas cookies with a Diet Coke.
Yes! Diet Coke cancels out all extra calories *cough cough*
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Wow — Thanks so much! Unexpected and very much appreciated! Kind of like when my kids wash their dishes 😉