Sorry, I’ve been incapacitated lately as an Elvis-obsessed elf

imageI’ve been called a lot of things in my life, many of which I can’t say here because of this blog’s questionable G-rating.

However, until a few weeks ago, I’d never been called “Elfis,” which is the name of an Elvis-obsessed elf I’m playing in our community theater’s production of “Ho-Ho-Hollywood.”

In fact, being involved in this show has introduced me to a lot of firsts in my life. For example, wearing a bell-bottomed jumpsuit with a teddy bear embroidered on the cape.

Also, I’ve never stuffed mini Christmas lights down my pants so that I can “light up” when necessary — something that caused one theater goer to ask another, “I wonder what Ned has in his pants?”

Yes, for those in the front row, I can hear you.

While we’re at it, having someone wonder what’s in my pants is also a new experience for me.  

We began rehearsals not long after I became editor at Siuslaw News. So, between being the editor-in-chief of our community newspaper by day, and stuffing mini lights down my pants at night (for the show), things have been pretty hectic as I try to find a balance between my new responsibilities at the newspaper, my continuing ones as a columnist and author, and life in general as a husband and father. Plus, I’m discovering that turning 50 has put a crimp in my ability to get by on just four or five hours of sleep.

In fact, we had a terrible and unintended re-creation of Elvis’ tragic death one night when someone found me asleep on the commode in my sequined jumpsuit.

"Elfis" with his main elfette squeeze (and real-life wife) "Prissy" (right) and fellow elves.
“Elfis” with his main elfette squeeze (and real-life Mrs. Hickson) “Prissy” (right) and fellow elves.

Fortunately, the show wraps up this weekend, which means the end of late-night rehearsals (and Taco Bell). At the same time, our transition in the newsroom has been terrific and I couldn’t be happier — or more proud of — the team of journalists I get to work with each day. The response from readers and the community has been terrific and truly inspiring.

I have to say, not being able to respond as quickly to people’s comments here, or being able to post as regularly as I have in the past, has left me feeling guilty at times. I don’t want any of you to feel that I take your visits, comments and support for granted. For that reason, I wanted to take a moment to fill you in on things, even if it meant sharing an image like this…

The common reaction to my singing
The common reaction to my singing

Thanks so much for your patience these last couple of months.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some pants to stuff…



Ned Hickson is a nationally syndicated humor columnist with News Media Corporation and the editor of Siuslaw News. He is also the author of Humor at the Speed of Life, a collection of more than a decade of humor columns; and Pearls of Writing Wisdom: From 16 shucking years as a columnist, a writer’s survival guide. Both are available from Port Hole Publishing.

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Ned's Blog

I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writer’s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...

31 thoughts on “Sorry, I’ve been incapacitated lately as an Elvis-obsessed elf”

  1. OMG. Now you’ve done it. I never consider my holiday complete unless I’ve listened to Elvis’s Christmas album at least 16 times. A day. NOW, I’ll be picturing Elfis every time I hear “Ah-ull have a blue, bluuuue Chri’mas, withoutchoo.” It’s not so much that I mind YOU in the fancy white suit. It’s those HUGE GREEN ELF SHOES that will freak me out!! So, to you, Ned Hickson, spoiler of my tree-trimming parties forevermore, I say this: Thank you. Thankyouverymuch.

    *goes off still singing to self, “Ah-ull be so bal-luuuuuuuue, just thinkin’ aboutchoo.”*

    1. Hahaha! Sorry to scar you with that image, Marcia! But you know what they say about elves with big shoes… Or at least I hope that’s what they’re saying.

      Merry Christmas! I’ll be sending you a peanut butter and ‘nanner sandwich instead of fruitcake.

      1. Peanut butter, ‘nanner, and BACON. Don’t forget the bacon. Burnt, I hear, was his favorite. See. It was fated that you play Elfish, what with the whole bacon thing going on.

        Merry Christmas back atcha. And for your present this year, I WON’T be sending you a fruitcake. You can thank me later. 😀

        Now, I have to get back to the pictures I downloaded of you in your probably (as soon as pigs fly) award-winning role. I’m busy cutting out all the green elf shoes. 😯

  2. Wow, you really kept this enterprise… under wraps.
    Based on your videography history, I expect you were excellent.
    As for replying to comments, it’s easy as Elfis: thankyouverymuch.

  3. lol! cracking me up as always. Don’t stress your blog family too much, there are times of transition in everyone’s lives…we just have to hold tight until you reach your balance again. 😉

  4. Still LOLing here! BTW you make a fantastic Elvis Ned! And as for stuffing lights down your pants . . .be grateful you weren’t wearing the red thong! (Yes, I will never let you live that down) LOL Merry Christmas! 🙂

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