I’ve been called a lot of things in my life, many of which I can’t say here because of this blog’s questionable G-rating.
However, until a few weeks ago, I’d never been called “Elfis,” which is the name of an Elvis-obsessed elf I’m playing in our community theater’s production of “Ho-Ho-Hollywood.”
In fact, being involved in this show has introduced me to a lot of firsts in my life. For example, wearing a bell-bottomed jumpsuit with a teddy bear embroidered on the cape.
Also, I’ve never stuffed mini Christmas lights down my pants so that I can “light up” when necessary — something that caused one theater goer to ask another, “I wonder what Ned has in his pants?”
Yes, for those in the front row, I can hear you.
While we’re at it, having someone wonder what’s in my pants is also a new experience for me.
We began rehearsals not long after I became editor at Siuslaw News. So, between being the editor-in-chief of our community newspaper by day, and stuffing mini lights down my pants at night (for the show), things have been pretty hectic as I try to find a balance between my new responsibilities at the newspaper, my continuing ones as a columnist and author, and life in general as a husband and father. Plus, I’m discovering that turning 50 has put a crimp in my ability to get by on just four or five hours of sleep.
In fact, we had a terrible and unintended re-creation of Elvis’ tragic death one night when someone found me asleep on the commode in my sequined jumpsuit.
Fortunately, the show wraps up this weekend, which means the end of late-night rehearsals (and Taco Bell). At the same time, our transition in the newsroom has been terrific and I couldn’t be happier — or more proud of — the team of journalists I get to work with each day. The response from readers and the community has been terrific and truly inspiring.
I have to say, not being able to respond as quickly to people’s comments here, or being able to post as regularly as I have in the past, has left me feeling guilty at times. I don’t want any of you to feel that I take your visits, comments and support for granted. For that reason, I wanted to take a moment to fill you in on things, even if it meant sharing an image like this…
Thanks so much for your patience these last couple of months.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some pants to stuff…
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Ned Hickson is a nationally syndicated humor columnist with News Media Corporation and the editor of Siuslaw News. He is also the author of Humor at the Speed of Life, a collection of more than a decade of humor columns; and Pearls of Writing Wisdom: From 16 shucking years as a columnist, a writer’s survival guide. Both are available from Port Hole Publishing.
Ned's Blog 
My wife is the ultimate Elvis fan.
You will never be meeting my wife, Ned Hickson…
Hahaha! I would surely ruin it for her.
Or you’d ruin things for me…
OMG. Now you’ve done it. I never consider my holiday complete unless I’ve listened to Elvis’s Christmas album at least 16 times. A day. NOW, I’ll be picturing Elfis every time I hear “Ah-ull have a blue, bluuuue Chri’mas, withoutchoo.” It’s not so much that I mind YOU in the fancy white suit. It’s those HUGE GREEN ELF SHOES that will freak me out!! So, to you, Ned Hickson, spoiler of my tree-trimming parties forevermore, I say this: Thank you. Thankyouverymuch.
*goes off still singing to self, “Ah-ull be so bal-luuuuuuuue, just thinkin’ aboutchoo.”*
Hahaha! Sorry to scar you with that image, Marcia! But you know what they say about elves with big shoes… Or at least I hope that’s what they’re saying.
Merry Christmas! I’ll be sending you a peanut butter and ‘nanner sandwich instead of fruitcake.
Peanut butter, ‘nanner, and BACON. Don’t forget the bacon. Burnt, I hear, was his favorite. See. It was fated that you play Elfish, what with the whole bacon thing going on.
Merry Christmas back atcha. And for your present this year, I WON’T be sending you a fruitcake. You can thank me later. 😀
Now, I have to get back to the pictures I downloaded of you in your probably (as soon as pigs fly) award-winning role. I’m busy cutting out all the green elf shoes. 😯
Truly ROTFLMAO!!!! Wish you had some video to share of your singing. That would be precious. How awesome that you and your sweetie both share a love of stage performance.
We have had so much fun doing this together. Then again, we always have fun doing things together — but it’s not usually with 200 people watching.
Lol. Wink.
i think we all know that elvis is a very busy man
Sitings have been frequent lately, that’s for sure 😉
From one thespian to another… I bet you do a bang up job!!! Would love to see that show!! Break a leg! 😀
Thank you, Courtney, Thankyouverymuch.
Well at least there were no red thongs involved. All you need was a shelf..
We decided early on that in order to pack the house, the thong was out of the question.
For good?
Or possibly for evil.
So not for good then..Gah!
At least you’re not a Christmas oaf. 😉
I’m only an oaf the rest of the year… 😉
Wow, you really kept this enterprise… under wraps.
Based on your videography history, I expect you were excellent.
As for replying to comments, it’s easy as Elfis: thankyouverymuch.
Just for that, I’m sending you a peanut butter and ‘nanner sandwich.
Like I said, It’s the shoes that make the outfit. I haven’t seen the lights, so unless you have video…
I’m hoping someone is taping it. If not, I’ll see what I can do about getting a picture of me lit up (with lights, I mean.)
lol! cracking me up as always. Don’t stress your blog family too much, there are times of transition in everyone’s lives…we just have to hold tight until you reach your balance again. 😉
So glad to hear that. Thanks for holding tight, tiny dancer! 😉
Still LOLing here! BTW you make a fantastic Elvis Ned! And as for stuffing lights down your pants . . .be grateful you weren’t wearing the red thong! (Yes, I will never let you live that down) LOL Merry Christmas! 🙂
Hahaha! Well, if I had been wearing the thong, mini lights would definitely have been the way to go! Merry Christmas to as well, Deb!
Lmao Ned. Thanks for the laughter as always. 🙂
Such a perfect role for you, Ned. From chef, to writer, to fireman, to editor, to Elfis.. what’s next?
I’m afraid to take a guess, actually…