I won’t graze before my meal,
I refuse to overeat, doggone it;
I swear to stop feeding my face
at some point before I vomit.
I had repeated this mantra to myself in preparation for the Christmas holiday meal, hoping to curb my normal routine of eating so much that I’m forced to change my breathing pattern to something that sounds like a cheetah in heat.
In the past, I’ve simply given in and accepted my fate, preparing for it by wearing one of those long sweaters which hides the fact that, once my pants are unbuttoned, the only thing holding them up is a small strip of packaging tape on each hip — a technique which allows my new center of gravity to shift, and therefore keep me from toppling into the gravy boat when leaning across the dinner table.
It was while standing in line at the hardware store with a roll of double-sided, maximum-hold packaging tape that I had an epiphany — a life-changing moment sparked by two important realizations:
• First, I was setting myself up for failure by purchasing the tape.
And second,
• I’d forgotten my wallet at home. Continue reading Portion control probably won’t be one of my New Year’s resolutions
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