As many of you know, last week I went to the printer at work, which I often do, and expected to find a copy of my potential Pulitzer-winning column on the dangers of battery-operated toilet plungers. Instead, I found a nearly blank piece of paper with the following three words:
trust and obey.
Yeah, pretty creepy.
Being a person grounded in hard journalistic reality and not prone to wild speculation, I quickly deduced it was a message from Lawrence Fishburn, trying to reach me from somewhere within the Matrix. And because many of you are also realists, the consensus was that I should prepare for my surroundings to dissolve into a series of green number codes at any moment.
That moment never happened of course! Hahahhaha!
The laughter stopped just a few minutes ago when I received the email above, forwarded to me on behalf of my editor, who — as you can see at the top — naturally assumed it was for me. That is a standard procedure here at the Siuslaw News.
“What’s that?”
“I dunno. Looks weird.”
“Get it to Ned right away.”
So once again, I’ll be waiting for the newsroom to dissolve into green numbers code…
Ned's Blog 
RUN, RUN, and don’t look back hahahaha 🙂 We just talked about the men in glasses… creepy.
I KNOW! I wish I’d worn running shoes instead of hiking boots today!!
Try singing the email to the tune of ‘Hungry Like The Wolf’. It’s the Duran Duran enigma code.
Sorry for the delay. I just woke up after being knocked unconscious by our large newsroom dictionary, which someone hurled at me for attempting to sing. Oh, and I never plan to compete against you in a game of Don’t Forget the Lyrics.
I have NO IDEA why I find this so incredibly amusing. You are indeed on an epic adventure, dude. Grab the plunger by the toilet and write SOMETHING back!! Do it before you are proweled upon.
You don’t have to tell ME twice. I have my plunger at the ready. I’ll be damned if I’ll get proweled upon… whatever that means. I just know it doesn’t sound good.
Ned, you need to upgrade your Matrix. If you ever see green number codes, it means you’re still using the ’96 version. That old version could be the reason for those random printouts.
Lol! That makes sense, considering the age of the equipment we have in our newsroom. The computer at my desk still has Pong on it.
i’ll miss you, ned.
I’ll find you. Just keep a phone handy…
The Oracle said this would happen!
LOL! The question is, should I take the red pill or the blue pill? Or just stick with Good n’ Plenty?
GnP. I unplugged my fax.
If your microwave rings, it’s me…
hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha! Up for air, hahahahaha! Good one!
you have fallen down the rabbit hole
Sort of but not really related: Someone at my work wrote, ‘The truth is coming,’ on the side of a table in permanent marker. Creeps me out!
Maybe it already came and went?
They’ve found you. There’s no more time. Activate Red team 2 and implement alternative protocol CZ-3.
Is that anything like XYZ your zipper?
Test out your powers! Jump off something very high! It’s all illusion!
OK so I followed you advice. I wish my hospital bill was an illusion…
Ha! 🙂