According to an ad in the Toronto Star newspaper, the producers of “Naked News” are seeking anchors for their daily internet news program. For those of you who’ve never heard of this program, let me take just a moment to explain it:
They report the news, and they’re naked.
That’s pretty much it.
And for most men, that’s explanation enough, which is why the website now averages 6 million viewers per month.
Now, before we go on, I’d like to clarify that I happened upon this website completely by accident, while innocently searching for information about naked “gnus,” which, as you may or may not know, is the tragic plight of African wildebeests suffering from premature baldness. While painstakingly gathering this sad information, I accidentally went from reading about an entire herd of hairless antelope in Botswana, to watching as a naked weatherman pointed to three developing storms at the same time — in Seattle, Maine, and the Gulf of Mexico.
I will not explain precisely how how he did this.
However, in my haste to leave the website, I accidentally switched over to the “All-Female” broadcast team. It was at this point that my journalistic integrity kicked in, and I felt an obligation to you, the reader, to investigate until I discovered the bitter truth.
Or at least until my editor discovered what I was doing.
As a result of this investigation, I learned that, just like CNN and other major news channels, Naked News offers in-depth coverage of events from all around the world.
I also learned that I am easily distracted from this coverage.
For those of you who are wondering how you can become a reporter for this cutting-edge news organization (Or, at the very least, what organization’s dating policy is), you’ll be happy to know that, according to the audition requirements listed on the Naked News website, no broadcasting experience is necessary!
That’s right! There’s no need to let your lack of experience stop you from realizing your dream of standing buck naked in front of a TelePrompTer.
Which is why I now work for a newspaper.
This isn’t to say that any thoughts I had of becoming a part of the Naked News movement have been put on the shelf. In fact, I am actually naked right now.
Which is why I’m currenty looking for a job in radio.
(You can write to Ned at firstname.lastname@example.org, or at Siuslaw News, P.O. Box 10, Florence, Ore. 97439)