As we all know, a door has two sides. Every Tuesday, we explore the newsroom side of The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance) here at the Siuslaw News. Not only because the other side has a commode, but also because, on the newsroom side, journalists since the 1970s have been attaching the best and worst headlines, photos, news stories and cutlines with glue, paste, tape and, in one case, a glob of a hardened substance with a wiry hair in it.
As always, we begin our visit to The Door by repeating those very words uttered by the first person to pass beyond The Door to the other side. However, since those words were drowned out by a flushing sound, we have done our best to re-create them here. So join hands and, while speaking in a monotone voice similar to someone beginning to realize their explanation in traffic court is super lame, repeat after me:
The Door is a beacon, drawing us into the jagged rocks of journalism.
Again, no one has actually ever said those words. But as any journalist will tell you, adding quote marks changes all that.
Let us begin.
This week’s artifact comes from May 1995, when the Coquille Valley Sentinel printed the following headline in a font size generally reserved for a declaration of war, national emergency or announcing the latest American Idol winner. In this case, it seems the headline is a little overkill for what appears to be a job opening within the police department.
From what I understand, despite a record number of applications, the position was filled from within.
Ned's Blog 
Haha….I know several people who would be well suited for that position!!
I only know a few positions, and that’s not one of them.
Haha….that just left an image I probably shouldn’t have!!
I applied for that job and apparently wasn’t perverted enough. I even rubbed the chief’s inner thigh.
Oh, the Siren that door is, luring us to uncontrollable laughter 🙂 I wonder what exact qualifications they were looking for…
Let me know if you need a reference; I read your blog, remember? 😉
LOL!! I will definitely keep that in mind 🙂
Oh laughing too hard to write…
Always better than writing too hard to laugh 😉
Isn’t that so true…That was great though…still chuckling…
Thanks, Tammy!
….can my feet and I just stand at your door, i just wanna read the crap up there. I promise to leave the hair…and as for the po-po…i swear there was such an article yesterday in our paper. they got him ned. in our own precinct.
I’m so glad you said “my feet and I” and not just “my feet,” which would have been creepy. Lisa, you are welcome to make a pilgrimage to The Door, and even to the other side if necessary. If you do, please make sure to flush. By the way, it’s good to hear they filled the position at your police station. Wouldn’t want that kind of person running around lose without a badge and gun.
….first and foremost..
The po-po…was not only a po-po, he was also a reverend and a journalist. Believe it or not. I can’t make this crap up. Only in NC. But, it made for some good front page into second page news. I’m sure tomorrow’s as well.
Secondly, my feet and I, is only correct grammar. Hehe.
Thirdly, I always flush…with my foot. I may not always leave the seat down though.
Wow, that guy was the tri-fecta of weird job combinations. “After receiving confessions, he would then arrest members of his church and write about it for the newspaper.”
Wow.
Oh, and thanks for exercising good grammar on this blog, which is noted by scholars as THE place for literary clarification, especially when it involves perverts, journalists and the po-po.
And thanks, also, for having the dexterity to flush with your feet.
Ain’t i just the mostest? (Insert the worst grammar smile).
Actually this po-po (my phone wants so badly to write poop-imagine that) was acquitted 2 years ago by a jury for sexual offenses. Two.
This time he has been detained for an offense to a child under 15.
I truly would hate to be one of the jurors from two years ago. The feelings they must be feeling.
Guilt has a long history.
As for the flushing with the feet…there is NO WAY IN HELL I’m touching anything in a public restroom. No way. Including and excluding the seat, throne, potty, commode, etc. period.
I think your phone’s insistence on referring to him as “poop” instead of “po-po” is probably more accurate 😉 And as for the toilet flushing with one foot, I’ll be even more impressed if that’s true after a couple of margaritas.
Lime and salt Ned…lime and salt.
Don’t make me show you.
I’m always impressed by the depths to which your threads sink (not an allusion to fully-clothed bathing). I imagine the conversation continues to the right of the margin. Here’s a smiley face to indicate I mean well 🙂
Haha! Thanks, Mikels 🙂
“The Door is a bacon, drawing us into the sizzling jagged rocks of delicious journalism.”
I said that, including the quotation marks.
Perversion is overrated.
I hadn’t put them together before, you know, bacon and perversion. I thank you for that image. And so does the pork industry.
Ned Beatty also thanks you.
That made me snort.
Lol! That made me squeal!
Btw, have I ever mentioned you have a pretty mouth?
I hear dead banjos.
(or as Dan Quayle would spell it — banjoes)
OK, my turn to call UNCLE! Man, thanks for giving me another reason to look forward to Tuesdays.
LOL — any time. I needed the diversion.
I notice there was no mention of sobriety. I’m sure I could have demonstrated at least a few of the skills necessary for that job. It probably has generous benefits and a pension. Alas, all the good jobs are taken.
It probably went to a carnie who couldn’t pass the rigorous demands of the elephant ear booth.
hahahahaha! Dry and wonderful- your response, that is.
I figured you didn’t mean the elephant ear 😉
interesting, it seems that in the hiring process, the carnies have higher standards than the cops. i knew it!
Maybe we should start arming the carnies?
seems very reasonable ned )
At least the ones over age 18 who have to be sober.
I’m free