When opportunity comes knocking on your door, you want to answer it. However, if that knocking happens on The Door of our newsroom, it usually means the person on the other side has run out of toilet paper.
I know what you’re asking yourself:
Isn’t there another door to the newsroom?
Of course! Otherwise, we’d have to enter through the window. Which isn’t to say we haven’t left that way sometimes, especially when Misty, our front desk girl, pages the newsroom to let us know the editor is on her way with a new assignment.
But being that this is Tuesday, we all know The Door I’m talking about is the one journalists here at the Siuslaw News have been attaching the best, worst and most curious newspaper headlines, stories and submissions to since the early 1970s, back when long hair and hot typesetting wax was abundant, and so were incidents of spontaneous hair removal.
For those who begin their Tuesday here each week, you’ve probably already joined hands in anticipation of reciting the mantra of The Door. This ritual was established long ago as a way to offer thanks to those journalists who came before, and also as a way of letting anyone using the commode know that people were standing right outside The Door, and to please exit with caution. So let us join hands and, speaking in a monotoned voice similar to a congressman apologizing for dressing as a dominatrix on Friday nights, repeat the following:
The Door is a beacon, drawing us into the jagged rocks of journalism.
Let us begin…
Being a smaller newspaper, we receive and publish a lot of submissions from the community. And while we have a website fully capable of receiving public service announcements and photos online, most of our PSAs still arrive handwritten, on things like napkins or fast food sacks, usually accompanied by a really bad photo. Today’s entry arrived through the mail slot in our front door in April 2009. It is presented to you here in its entirety, just as it was to us.
After four years, the questions remain:
1) What IS that thing?!?
2) What are we supposed to do with this information?
and perhaps most importantly,
3) Who still has uses a Polaroid camera?!?
After four years, the best and brightest minds at the Siuslaw News have been unable to answer these questions. Keep in mind, those minds are only here for 30 minutes once a year during the Girl Scout tour.
60 thoughts on “Knock knock. Who’s there? The Door”
For some reason I no longer want to eat oatmeal….ever again!! (Perhaps a flashback to The Golden Child.) What the hell is that??
HAHA! As you can imagine, there has been a lot of speculation over the years, everything from a freebasing Gumby to a macroscopic photo of an ovary holding an American flag. I will officially add “‘What the hell is that? Oat meal?’ — from Susan” to the list 😉
I may have nightmares….it’s a bit creepy!
Apparently, it’s a “rosette.” So stay away from those, or anyone with that name. And probably anyone with a Polaroid camera.
Lol….thanks for the heads up!!
I’m simultaneously intrigued, baffled, concerned, and sickened. Thanks for that.
It’s what I do 😉 I’m just hoping a “rosette” isn’t an internal part of the human anatomy. I’m pretty sure the only people who use Polaroids anymore are serial killers…
I have a Polaroid app on my iPhone, but I’m very careful not to let anyone know I use it …
Smart thinking. A little scary, too — but mostly smart 😉
It’s a nostalgia thing. Don’t be scared …
I feel better already 😉
I say it is a vignette of John Glenn, but he appears… wounded. The question is who in/on the moon took this picture? Also, Ned, I did not think you were old enough to know about hot wax for paste up, that’s more from my era HAHA!
Excellent surmising, Pattie! I will submit it to the NASA museum by sliding it into their mail slot the next time I’m there. And yes, I didn’t ever do any actual wax/pasting, but I’ve heard the stories. And there are still a few green bars of wax lying around next to the hot was machine. I use it for my Brazilians…
I used a bit of wax for paste up when I first entered commercial art and then switched to rubber cement. The rubber cement was not very economical though when I taught this skill as a high school teacher, the jars kept disappearing from the shelves. I was a bit naive and could not understand why the kids snickered when I said, “who would want to steal rubber cement?”
Brazilians,HA HA you are so wonderfully funny!
I think it is probably the image of the Virgin Mary on a piece of popcorn.
That is an excellent guess. Maybe we should sell it on eBay?
Firstly … eeeuuuu!
Then, are you sure the word is ‘rosette’ and not ‘nosette’ … whatever that might be.
Something from the nasal cavity has definitely been on our short list of potential identifiers. None of us, however, has felt the desire — or possessed the gag reflex control — to investigate further.
Let’s see … I was there in 2009 and I am pretty sure it is the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man holding a bag of Paul’s spicy nuts and waving a flag of surrender. But don’t quote me on that. 😉 Karen
It could just be a nut sack, although I can’t confirm they are Paul’s. Nor do I want to.
i resent your reference to dodging the editor ….
Haha! … crap…
indeed. consider your window locked.
Would you believe this is Ryan Cronk writing under a pen name…?
The door is a quivering beacon, drawing us into Mick Jagger’s rock of rolling journalism. That explains why we can’t get no.. sat-is-FAC-shun.
That is a picture of your editor’s heart. Or the one your editor used to have.
You had me at “quivering.”
You ate that jello in the back of your refrigerator, didn’t you?
“You had me at Jell-O…?” Nicely played.
Cosby would be proud.
Definitely a piece of ass.
Or possibly from one..?
Naw. Definitely ass.
Now I feel like I need to cover it.
Or wipe it.
Or better yet, have my brain wiped.
Naw. DON’T TOUCH IT.
Who ever have it to you. If hey still own a Polaroid camera…they are the hole.
Ain’t no telling what’s on that picture. No telling.
It’s an alien baby with an American flag!! LOL! But seriously it looks like something from HBO’s game of thrones… the dragon eggs. 😀
Okay, so now I need to watch that show just to compare the two. Then wash my eyes with peroxide 🙂
You should! lol. It is a great show, or atleast I think so when I have my glass of wine while watching it 🙂
Everything is better with wine! Except peanut butter.
OOOOooooo.. Good call! 😀
Lol! That just the way my mind works 🙂
True randomness at its finest.
It’s sort of like lying on your back and looking at clouds. Accept that this is on our door and it haunts me. Other than that, it’s just like peaceful cloud watching.
Has a large shipment of glue gone missing???
It does kind of look like an Elmer’s Glue ball, doesn’t it?! I think I’ll start with a shipment of missing horses and go from there…
i’m just saying i remember hearing fred durst from limp bizkit in an interview. (probably no the today show), and he said he was into kissing britney spears’ ‘rosette’, at one point in their lives where they intersected. and i’ll leave it at that.
Hmmm. I wonder if I could sell it to Star Magazine if I told them it was Britney Spears’ “rosette?”
It’s an glob of half eaten marshmellows. Just look at the shapes. Once again, why, well, why not? Kept you all in conversational conjecture these many years. Id say it did it’s job, after all, if I did this trick, that would be my game.
I see. Sort of like the “Nessie” or “Big Foot” of thee Siuslaw News. A blurry image that sparks years of controversy. Is it real? Was it staged. What the heck is it? And was it a hoax or a genuine marshmallow? Some day, we will know the truth.
Wouldn’t you love a penny for every word spent on dissecting this little sucker?
I could retire! To a third-world country maybe…
Reading your post, I immediately knew the comments would be hilarious. But Ned, an ovary with an American flag? Studying the photo–yuck, where do you buy those brain wipes?–I see what could possibly be construed as a flag pole, but how you came up with the flag or the ovary is beyond me and probably indicative of a need for medication.
Your best clue is the Polaroid. Ask you local camera dealer what 4 people bought Polaroid film in 2009 and then go ask them about the rosette.
As always, you brightened out Tuesday. Thanks Ned!
Anyone can see, it’s Jimmy Hoffa. Rosette is a code word used by Hoffa associates meaning ear or belly button, I can’t recall which.
I’m happy to say I’ve never found anything in either orifice that looked like that.
I think it’s the perimeter of the orifice, looking a lot better than I would have expected after all this time.
That’s definitely something to be proud of 😉
I wonder if he used Pond’s Cold cream, Oil of Olay, or a Lancome product…
I was thinking more like cream cheese.
hahahahahahaha! Ewwwwww. hahahahaha!
ha ha very good