Knock knock. Who’s there? The Door

image When opportunity comes knocking on your door, you want to answer it. However, if that knocking happens on The Door of our newsroom, it usually means the person on the other side has run out of toilet paper.

I know what you’re asking yourself:

Isn’t there another door to the newsroom?

Of course! Otherwise, we’d have to enter through the window. Which isn’t to say we haven’t left that way sometimes, especially when Misty, our front desk girl, pages the newsroom to let us know the editor is on her way with a new assignment.

But being that this is Tuesday, we all know The Door I’m talking about is the one journalists here at the Siuslaw News have been attaching the best, worst and most curious newspaper headlines, stories and submissions to since the early 1970s, back when long hair and hot typesetting wax was abundant, and so were incidents of spontaneous hair removal.

For those who begin their Tuesday here each week, you’ve probably already joined hands in anticipation of reciting the mantra of The Door. This ritual was established long ago as a way to offer thanks to those journalists who came before, and also as a way of letting anyone using the commode know that people were standing right outside The Door, and to please exit with caution. So let us join hands and, speaking in a monotoned voice similar to a congressman apologizing for dressing as a dominatrix on Friday nights, repeat the following:

The Door is a beacon, drawing us into the jagged rocks of journalism.

Let us begin…

Being a smaller newspaper, we receive and publish a lot of submissions from the community. And while we have a website fully capable of receiving public service announcements and photos online, most of our PSAs still arrive handwritten, on things like napkins or fast food sacks, usually accompanied by a really bad photo. Today’s entry arrived through the mail slot in our front door in April 2009. It is presented to you here in its entirety, just as it was to us.


After four years, the questions remain:

1) What IS that thing?!?
2) What are we supposed to do with this information?
and perhaps most importantly,
3) Who still has uses a Polaroid camera?!?

After four years, the best and brightest minds at the Siuslaw News have been unable to answer these questions. Keep in mind, those minds are only here for 30 minutes once a year during the Girl Scout tour.

Published by

Ned's Blog

I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writer’s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...

60 thoughts on “Knock knock. Who’s there? The Door”

    1. HAHA! As you can imagine, there has been a lot of speculation over the years, everything from a freebasing Gumby to a macroscopic photo of an ovary holding an American flag. I will officially add “‘What the hell is that? Oat meal?’ β€” from Susan” to the list πŸ˜‰

    1. It’s what I do πŸ˜‰ I’m just hoping a “rosette” isn’t an internal part of the human anatomy. I’m pretty sure the only people who use Polaroids anymore are serial killers…

  1. I say it is a vignette of John Glenn, but he appears… wounded. The question is who in/on the moon took this picture? Also, Ned, I did not think you were old enough to know about hot wax for paste up, that’s more from my era HAHA!

    1. Excellent surmising, Pattie! I will submit it to the NASA museum by sliding it into their mail slot the next time I’m there. And yes, I didn’t ever do any actual wax/pasting, but I’ve heard the stories. And there are still a few green bars of wax lying around next to the hot was machine. I use it for my Brazilians…

      1. I used a bit of wax for paste up when I first entered commercial art and then switched to rubber cement. The rubber cement was not very economical though when I taught this skill as a high school teacher, the jars kept disappearing from the shelves. I was a bit naive and could not understand why the kids snickered when I said, “who would want to steal rubber cement?”

        Brazilians,HA HA you are so wonderfully funny!

    1. Something from the nasal cavity has definitely been on our short list of potential identifiers. None of us, however, has felt the desire β€” or possessed the gag reflex control β€” to investigate further.

  2. Let’s see … I was there in 2009 and I am pretty sure it is the Stay Puff Marshmallow Man holding a bag of Paul’s spicy nuts and waving a flag of surrender. But don’t quote me on that. πŸ˜‰ Karen

  3. The door is a quivering beacon, drawing us into Mick Jagger’s rock of rolling journalism. That explains why we can’t get no.. sat-is-FAC-shun.

    That is a picture of your editor’s heart. Or the one your editor used to have.

    1. It’s sort of like lying on your back and looking at clouds. Accept that this is on our door and it haunts me. Other than that, it’s just like peaceful cloud watching.

  4. i’m just saying i remember hearing fred durst from limp bizkit in an interview. (probably no the today show), and he said he was into kissing britney spears’ ‘rosette’, at one point in their lives where they intersected. and i’ll leave it at that.

  5. It’s an glob of half eaten marshmellows. Just look at the shapes. Once again, why, well, why not? Kept you all in conversational conjecture these many years. Id say it did it’s job, after all, if I did this trick, that would be my game.

    1. I see. Sort of like the “Nessie” or “Big Foot” of thee Siuslaw News. A blurry image that sparks years of controversy. Is it real? Was it staged. What the heck is it? And was it a hoax or a genuine marshmallow? Some day, we will know the truth.

  6. Reading your post, I immediately knew the comments would be hilarious. But Ned, an ovary with an American flag? Studying the photo–yuck, where do you buy those brain wipes?–I see what could possibly be construed as a flag pole, but how you came up with the flag or the ovary is beyond me and probably indicative of a need for medication.

    Your best clue is the Polaroid. Ask you local camera dealer what 4 people bought Polaroid film in 2009 and then go ask them about the rosette.

    As always, you brightened out Tuesday. Thanks Ned!

    Laura Hedgecock–

No one is watching, I swear...

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