Since last week’s posting of The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance), I have received hundreds of emails from concerned readers asking if we followed up on the tip about a potential murderer staying at a local hotel, which was brought in by a woman who said she heard “murdering noises” from the room above her — and as our office girl Misty noted: “I think she was hearing them again while standing in our office lobby.”
As it turns out, all 358 emails were from NBC Dateline’s Keith Morrison who, like countless other television correspondents, is seeking an exclusive to The Door in our newsroom. It was actually Misty who made the realization that Morrison was behind all the emails when, while checking our general voicemail box, she heard the message: Just checking to see if you got all the eeeemails I sent. This is an anonymous call by the wayyyyy.
“Hey,” said Misty, “isn’t that the creepy guy from Dateline Mysteries?”
We interrupt our month-long retrospect of The Door in our newsroom to bring you this breaking news: At this moment, a new piece of journalistic history is being added to our newsroom door with the kind of fanfare you’d expect when someone is using Scotch tape. That’s right, for only the 112th time in the 40-year history of our door (ask Brian Willaims, he was there), we are inducting a new exhibit piece to what Barbara Walters has called “A journawistic tweasure.”
For those who aren’t familiar with the historic relevancy of The Door, it is home to a collection of newspaper faux pas that have been pasted, glued, taped, licked-and-stuck, or otherwise adhered there by reporters at Siuslaw News since the 1970s. It is a shrine, of sorts, celebrating the kind of journalistic shame, blame and brilliance that can only arise through a well-timed typo, missplelledmispleled a word spelled wrong or, in some cases, chosen specifically for its double entendre.
That brings us to today’s historic addition to The Door, which I’m pretty sure was simply the result of unintentional double entendre thanks to poor word choice. Or possibly a drunken proof reader. Whatever the reason, we are thankful and happy to include it on The Door for posterity — which is especially fitting when you consider there is a commode on the other side. Continue reading This just in: New headline failure inducted on our newsroom door
There’s no need to rub your eyes or splash cold water on your face! And you, the one banging your head with a ream of copy paper: Stop that.
What you’re seeing is REAL.
That truly is The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance), which is the most important door in our two-door newsroom. Not just because it leads to the commode, but also because it displays the best and worst examples of print journalism clipped and taped there by reporters at Siuslaw News since the 1970s. We like to think of The Door as the Smithsonian of journalistic history, except with the occasional sound of flushing. As I mentioned a couple of months ago when I closed The Door after it’s year-long run as a weekly feature here, I would re-open it under the following conditions:
1) A new example of print journalism Shame, Blame or Brilliance has been deemed worthy of inclusion
2) Our delivery guy, “Joe,” hasn’t used the commode in at least two days
As you’ve probably guessed by now, each of these incredibly strict criteria has been met! (And if you haven’t guessed that by now, a position in Walmart security is waiting for you.) What this means is that we will be participating in an extremely rare induction ceremony for The Door, which hasn’t occurred since running out of glue sticks and adhesives in the mid 1980s. Continue reading Hold on to that knob! It’s time to revisit The Door in our newsroom
Do NOT adjust your screen! There is nothing wrong with your computer! Unless, like mine, you’ve actually seen it in a 1980s movie, where it represented the era’s most advanced computer technology as part of a high-tech military defense system that becomes self aware. But assuming you’re looking at a screen smaller than an industrial sized microwave oven, then yes — you really are seeing an image of The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance) in our newsroom.
As I mentioned when I closed The Door a few weeks ago, it would be re-opened as the situation warranted. And today, my friends, we have a SITUATION.
For those of you just joining us, or those unfamiliar with The Door for personal reasons, I should explain that it is the most important door in our two-door newsroom. Not just because it leads to the commode, but also because it displays the best and worst examples of print journalism clipped and taped there by reporters at Siuslaw News since the 1970s. We like to think of The Door as the Smithsonian of journalistic history, except with the occasional sound of flushing. As iconic anchorman Dan Rather recently said, “It is unquestionably our most important relic representing modern journalistic history — or my name isn’t, uh… Barbara Walters?” Continue reading Excuse me, but I really need to get… The Door
It’s been almost a year since I opened The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance) in our newsroom to readers, and together we have shared 38 pieces of newspaper faux pas that Siuslaw News reporters have pasted, taped and otherwise adhered to The Door by any means possible since the 1970s. In that time, we have witnessed inventive photo cutlines such as “Shoppers shopping at shops” and entirely too many references to “probes and probing.” We’ve been informed of the obvious, such as how “wearing more clothing can help keep you warmer,” and how easily one wrong letter can lead to senior citizens “crapping themselves in a blanket.”
It’s no wonder The Door has become a journalistic Mecca, capturing the attention of well-known reporters like Barbara Walters (“The Door offers a pureness to journalism I haven’t seen since Anderson Cooper’s booty”), Morley Safer (“Do people still use ditto machines?”), Keith Morrison (“No one knows what seeeeecrets hide behind The Dooooor, especially if someone has flushhhhed”), Geraldo Rivera (“My sources have confirmed Al Capone once used The Door.”), and Anderson Cooper (“Unless it’s a closet door, I’m not interested — and can someone please tell Barbara Walters to stop looking at my butt?”) Continue reading It’s time to close… The Door. So let’s open… The Box!
For the moment, the government shutdown has offered a reprieve from the constant media attention The Door in our newsroom has been receiving. The fax machine is silent, which we assume is because Morley Safer has been re-assigned to the capitol instead of faxing threatening images of his rear with the words “You Will, Crack!” scrawled across the top. Likewise, it’s been 24 hours since Keith Morrison or Geraldo Rivera have made an attempt to enter the building in disguise — the last of which was actually done together, when they pretended to be Russian circus clowns seeking asylum in our newsroom. Once again our front office girl, Misty, blew their cover, growing suspicious when “Geraldy the Clown” kept asking her if she wanted to “see Al Capone’s vault some time.”
While things are quiet here at Siuslaw News for now, it’s only a matter of time before the governmental play date between the democrats and republicans ends, and media interest in The Door resumes. First-time readers of this weekly feature are probably asking, “What IS The Door?” and “Why would there be so much interest in it?” and perhaps the most frequently asked question: “How did I even get ON this site?” Continue reading Suffering from postal identity crisis on… The Door
As expected, the lull in attention from major news outlets seeking an exclusive on The Door didn’t last. Morley Safer has resumed faxing images of his rear, which were mistaken for amateur photos of the moon’s surface until Misty, our front office person, noted that the moon doesn’t have trees. And now that his back has recovered from lifting a Sparkletts water bottle while disguised as delivery man in order to gain access to our newsroom, Keith Morrison has returned to his old tricks; today, he dressed as a meter reader for the local power company and blew the main breaker when his hidden camera fell into the power box.
Because of this kind of intense pressure, I was forced to leave the newsroom and post this week’s edition of The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance) after business hours and away from the office at an undisclosed bar location.
Why the sudden resurgence in media attention? I mean in addition to the fact that The Door is home to the best and worst examples of journalism since reporters at Siuslaw News began taping clippings to The Door nearly four decades ago in an effort to preserve journalistic history while simultaneously insulating the bathroom door?
It appears Keith Morrison has given up pursuing an exclusive on The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance) here in our newsroom. There were no creepy messages from him on my voicemail this morning and, after throwing his back out lifting a water jug, he is no longer posing as an Arrowhead Springs water delivery guy in order to gain access. In addition, we’ve stopped jumping whenever the fax machine goes off now that Morley Safer has stopped sending booty faxes with the warning You Will Crack! written on them.
Yes, things are quiet here; the calm before the storm.
I say that because today’s post will likely put me in the crosshairs of one of the most powerful men this country has ever purposely been made to forget about. In fact, his systematic disappearance after leaving the White House was so complete that I can’t even remember where I was going with this…
Wait! I remember, thanks to this newspaper clipping, which illustrates the importance of The Door, and why journalistic icon Geraldo Rivera has called it “The Al Capone’s Vault of journalistic treasures. No really, I MEAN it this time!” and why rearviewed… oops, I mean revered… journalist Anderson Cooper has referred to The Door as “A revealing look at journalism, depending on who comes out of the commode.” Continue reading After today, Dick Cheney will probably blow up… The Door
Since last week’s posting of The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance), I have received hundreds of emails from concerned readers asking if we followed up on the tip, which was about a potential murderer staying at a local hotel, brought to us by a woman who said she heard “murdering noises” from the room above her, and that, as our office girl Misty noted: “I think she was hearing them again while standing in our office lobby.”
And as it turns out, all 358 emails were from NBC Dateline’s Keith Morrison who, like countless other television correspondents, is seeking an exclusive to The Door in our newsroom. It was actually Misty who made the realization that Morrison was behind all the emails when, while checking our general voicemail box, she heard the message: Just checking to see if you got all the eeeemails I sent. This is an anonymous call by the wayyyyy.
“Hey,” said Misty, “isn’t that the creepy guy from Dateline Mysteries?”
It seems as though ABC reporters Barbara Walters, Morley Safer and John Quinones have finally given up on gaining an exclusive to The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance). It’s been nearly a week since Safer has faxed any threatening images of his booty, which we began handing out for a new children’s coloring contest. Interestingly, there seems to be a 50/50 split between children who believe it is the image of a dense forest surrounding an abandoned well, and those who are think it is the Death Star exploding.
In addition, Walters is no longer leaving angry messages such as “Your CAWEER is HISTOWY!” on my voice mail, and Quinones has stopped Tweeting “@Ned Hickson: What would YOU do? Give me an exclusive before you become a Dateline Mystery!”
Which brings us to this week’s entry from The Door, and the latest reporter to begin hounding us for an exclusive to what Anderson Cooper has called “A journalistic milestone of unparalleled significance, not counting my decision to wear Dockers that were a size too small during broadcasts.” Continue reading Keith Morrison latest reporter to knock on… The Door