(Think of this week’s Flashback Sunday as my own version of “Looper,” where we encounter a younger version of myself from a mind-bending span of… two weeks ago. That’s when part one of this post, “Shooting a Music Video? Avoid the Black-eyed Four-Step” first materialized from 2004 in our Sunday flashback. As you may recall, depending on how you spent last night, I was invited to the making of Adam Marshall’s country music video “Cowboy Hat,” which I quickly took him up on — and he just as quickly regretted. So now, as we do each week, let’s go back in time, back to when the only followers I had were promised free Sea Monkeys — and when I thought Freshly Pressed was a magazine for snooty French coffee drinkers…)
As I mentioned several weeks ago, I was invited to participate in a music video by country singer Adam Marshall during the filming of his music video for “Cowboy Hat.” Though I haven’t actually seen the finished video yet, I can tell you the music is great, that everyone in it is attractive, and they can all dance really well. Which is why I can say, with some certainty, I am not in the final cut.
Yes, I was wearing a cowboy hat and boots.
Yes, I met Adam Marshall.
And no, I didn’t realize “Coyote Ugly” was a euphemism for someone at a singles bar who is highly attractive; at least not until I met my dance partner and politely introduced myself as “Wowwy.”
That was pretty much the extent of our small talk, which there is a lot of during a video shoot. That’s because for every minute the cameras were rolling, there was at least an hour of preparation time for things like make-up, lighting, sound checks, and administering first-aid to my dance partner. However, the majority of our preparation time was spent on “blocking,” which is when the director decides where the “talent” will be in each shot. As it turned out, the director involved me in this crucial decision-making process several times, often by suggesting, “Someone please move Ned, he’s blocking the Talent again.”
On the second day of shooting, after recognizing my inability to dance, act or form a complete sentence once the cameras were rolling, Adam took me aside. We discussed how I could contribute to his video in ways more suited to my particular talents. After a long discussion, we determined this would be by holding his soda between takes. I excelled at this and quickly became known to crew members as “Adam’s Soda Guy.” This was much better than my previous titles, “Who Is This Guy,” “She Won’t Dance With This Guy,” and “Someone Please Hog-Tie This Guy.”
In addition to the instant prestige I gained, there were also a lot of perks in being Adam’s personal “soda wrangler.” For example, using my authority to skip to the front of the beverage line whenever I said, “Adam needs a soda.” This worked even after they took my bull horn away, and I was forced to make my announcement through a rolled-up issue of Country Weekly. I also insisted on wearing a walkie-talkie so that if we were separated, I could still meet Adam’s beverage consumption needs by contacting him on a regular basis. This turned out to be a good idea since, coincidentally, we were separated more and more as the day went on. In fact, there was a frightening two-hour period where we had no contact at all.
Fortunately, everything was OK and, according to his producer, Adam had simply misplaced his walkie-talkie after throwing it into a nearby lake. Adam later explained to me that it had nothing to do with being annoyed, and that he was simply demonstrating to a crew member how, as a Marine, he had been taught to lob a grenade.
After two days of watching Adam serenade the camera with his song “Cowboy Hat,” I suddenly realized there’s really only one thing keeping my own dream of being a country music star from coming true:
A complete lack of talent.
Which isn’t to say my dream of country stardom is completely out of reach. Who knows? There’s always a chance I could make it to the stage of the Grand Ole Opry.
Even if it is just to bring Adam a soda; I’ll keep my walkie-talkie handy, just in case.
(I’d like to thank Adam Marshall and his producer, Steven Rotan, for being such gracious hosts and good sports.)
63 thoughts on “Behind every country music star is a great soda wrangler”
Well, at least you’ll have something to fall back on in case the writing thing goes south!
If you’re refering to my dancing, the only thing I can fall back on is my booty 😉
I will not be impressed unless you also were a soda wrangler for Billy Ray Cyrus during the Achy Breaky Heart video.
I was his soda wrangler and kept dropping his Mountain Dew. It eventually broke his heart.
It broke his dancing ability also.
I’m not sure there was anything there to break; take it from someone who knows really bad dancing.
Take it from someone who used to think lap dancing was something they did in Finland.
I heard the Russian lap dances were disappointing.
Let’s take a pole.
We should probably include the Nether regions as well.
My elementary school music teacher let me play the Nether in a concert once. It was fun hitting it with that little hammer.
I didn’t realize there was an M.C. Hammer Elementary.
My music teacher was C. Ant Touchthiss
♫ Can’t stop ’til I get enough ♫
There you go flaunting your fancy music symbols again. Tease….
I can’t remember the keyboard symbol for grabbing my crotch.
I think it’s this one 🙂
♫ Hoo Hoo ♫
Not yet. My banana costume is at the cleaners.
If you wore underwear, you wouldn’t have to clean it as much.
Oh crap, you’re right.
Hey, at least it’s easy to get rid of.
The banana suit I mean, not the stains…
Well, speaking of talentless hacks. . . .he did have a killer mullet though!! 😉
Didn’t we all.
I had what would be termed a “she-mullet”. . .with a perm!! Long live ’80’s hair!!
Wow, the rarely-sighted women’s Perma-Mullet! I’m glad you began that sentence with “I had…” 😉
I am a progressive woman, and always try to keep up with the times! lol
I kind of figured that, and am very glad those of us west of the Colorado Mountains have progressed beyond the mullet, not counting pockets of Idaho…
I am lucky enough to still get to see a sweet mullet every now and then. 😉 The guys that still sport them are usually rocking a Pink Floyd, or a NASCAR t-shirt.
I’m still on the look-out for a vintage Billy Ray Cyrus t-shirt without 10-40W Quaker State stains on it… 😉
I like to thrift, so I will keep my eye out for you. You never know when a redneck might decide to clean out the closet! 😉
Anytime I see something in good condition in the men’s section at St. Vinny’s, I always wonder if it was donated before or after the guy died. Not that it matters…
If someone’s name is written in it, there’s a good chance it was after!! hahaha I usually avoid those items.
I saw a shirt with MY name on it once, and for a brief second I thought, “Oh @#$%, I died! Now I’m wandering St. Vinny’s as a ghost!”
Then I realized it was probably brought in by my ex-wife years ago without me knowing it.
In a moment of evilness, I thought about buying it and giving it to my son, who liked the shirt. Thought he could wear it when he goes to visit! He liked the idea, but I decided against firing that cannon across the bow 😉
Hmmm. . .sounds like something I would do!! hahaha
I knew I liked the way you think.
I had the perm. A later version of my mullet is enshrined on my company’s “Wall of Shame”, my picture displayed in all it’s glory and one of the things I am recognized for by all employees.
I want to see that picture!! lol
Our “Wall of Shame” is currently under repair. Ned danced through.
All I remember is waking up in a banana suit.
I heard the policeman reading you your Carmen Miranda rights.
That reminds me, thanks for the fruit basket you sent me in jail. The bananas were great for bartering.
Did you find the file I hid in the bananas?
No, but heard someone did. It waasn’t pleasant.
I can only imagine. Your nails must have been horrible.
It was. And they don’t allow any kind of remover.
You know what they say about guys who can’t dance. . . .
That’s what She said.
No, seriously — it wasn’t me this time.
Why do I have a certain lyric from “Safety Dance” in my head now?
I have to wear that shirt whenever I’m on the dance floor.
UH… I’m pleading insanity.
Well, thank you very much, now I have that annoying tune stuck in my head!!!
Grace Jones had a killer flat top, too, but that didn’t make it right… 😉
Head to nashville ASAP, every surface you can stand on is a stage. Ps – wondering if you we’re trusted with both bottles and cans or was it too risky to involve you firsthand with glass?
Getting into the Glass Soda Bottle Carrier’s Union is extremely tough, so I settled for plastic.
I saw the video! haha, it was great!! I don’t know what I would do if I had a walkie-talkie and had the opportunity to talk to a famous person… I would probably get thrown in the lake lol. 🙂
He’s actually a really nice guy, and so is his producer. It was a lot of fun hanging out with them. His horse in the video didn’t like him, so that took a while to shoot. If he had been anywhere near a lake, I think the horse would have thrown him in! 🙂