Join hundreds of journalists who use… The Door

The Door is Oregon's equivalent to a  journalistic Smithsonian. Pretty much.
The Door is Oregon’s equivalent to a journalistic Smithsonian. Pretty much.
While it’s true The Door is a weekly feature written by a journalist, about journalism, and inspired by clippings taped to a 50-year-old door that shields real journalists from dangerous emissions from a mostly-working commode located in an actual newsroom, it is — like the commode itself — available for anyone to enjoy! That’s because The Door does not judge. It does not discriminate. It does not prejudge.

It also does not seal properly, but that’s beside the point.

As regular followers of this feature know, The Door celebrates the best and worst in journalism since the 1970s, when reporters here at the Siuslaw News taped the first erroneous clipping to The Door in an effort to highlight the “shame, blame and brilliance” of journalism, as well as cover a fist-sized hole in The Door that, while a handy pass-through for toilet paper, made decorum nearly impossible.

Think of The Door as the Oregon Coast equivalent of a journalistic Smithsonian, except without all the pompous credibility and historic distinction. Journalist or not, join us now as we travel back to 1999, when Eugene’s Register-Guard printed a report from the Associated Press that falls under the rare “brilliance” category of The Door.

However, we must first join hands and, in keeping with the ancient ritual first establish as far back as eight weeks ago, repeat the following chant in a monotoned voice similar to a guest speaker at a proctologists convention:

The Door is a beacon, drawing us into the jagged rocks of journalism

As I mentioned, this week’s edition is a rare example of “brilliance” found on The Door, and includes the headline as well as a couple of cheeky examples of word play in the actual body of the story…


If you ever needed a reason to avoid Port Angeles, Wash., the thought of a man running around in banana costume exposing himself while brandishing a shotgun could be reason enough. According to the article, he was riding around in a car with a “bunch” of friends. Among the “bunch” was an 18-year-old woman who wasn’t arrested, and was instead “allowed to split.”

I think it’s worth noting, after his arrest, the man couldn’t explain why he was in a banana costume. I can’t help but wonder if the pressures of making those Fruit of the Loom commercials finally got to the poor Banana Man…

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Ned's Blog

I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writer’s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...

24 thoughts on “Join hundreds of journalists who use… The Door”

  1. Undoubtedly the author of this article was cracking himself up. I know I would be. Oooh…. Oooh… wait. I got it: “He was going into peels of laughter.” There we go.

  2. In my old workplace – the International students’ centre at a university – we had our own version of the door. We called it the egg file – there was a story behind the name which I no longer remember but I’m pretty sure the details are in the file. It was full of the hilarious emails/notes/forms that our international students came up with.

    Things like “I cannot volunteer as I will be too stinked from visiting a pig farm.”

    Or an emergency contact form with Relationship – Boyfriend, Name – Will find later.

    I miss that egg file.

    1. That sounds fantastic. Those are the kinds of things that we can revisit and get a smile from for the rest of our lives. Kind of like whenever Justin Bieber walks into a door.

  3. The door won’t be a beacon until someone drinks charcoal lighter fluid, pees on it, then throws a match on it. Take it from someone who knows.

    Haven’t we all at one time or another wondered how we got into a banana suit?

  4. Ned, your blog is one of only a very few where I always read the comments as well as the column. You have fab, funny followers. Oh dear, I’ve fallen into alliteracy.

    1. Thanks, Judy! I have to say, one of the things I love most about pressing “publish” on a new post is the inevitable “comments” exchanges that follow. I am appreciative to you and everyone for that, especially when it elevates my post to something better. Which isn’t difficult, but I’m just saying… 😉

  5. Sounds like another one of my online dates gone bad. Next guy that meets me in a banana suit, I’ll suggest we drive separately.

  6. There was a very old commercial —probably somewhere around the 50’s that had a song to it about eating a banana a day. The last line: “Never put your banana in the refrigerator” is rather apropos, as our poor banana man gets arrested and dumped into the fridge. I bet the experience softened him up a bit. Im sure he was ripe and ready to leave after bail!

No one is watching, I swear...

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