I was picked first! …for jury duty

image I just reported for jury duty a few minutes ago. My third time in two years. When I handed in my juror sheet to the registration desk, the women looked it over.

“Where did you park? We have free parking across the street.”

“I stole a car,” I replied.

“You know,” she said after giving me a long look, “if I had the power, I would totally excuse you.”

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Ned's Blog

I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writerโ€™s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...

62 thoughts on “I was picked first! …for jury duty”

  1. OK
    SO.
    First of all, I just got on. Clicked onto reader. My son must have been on and had the zoom on to 100% …..NED was BIG AND LARGE. whew.

    Second, I was picked LAST a few years ago. I thought I was outta there. It was a murder trial too. What a crock. I even felt the air between the bench and my rear before I heard….LISA JOHNSON SAWYER.

    Good luck shugg.

    1. Haha! I Know! I couldn’t believe how huge that image was. I used “thumbnail” thinking that would keep it from happening. I almost deleted the post…

      Thanks for the good wishes. I am juror No. 1, which is the first time I’ve ever been picked first for anything. So it’s bitter-sweet…

            1. I think it’s being made more complicated than it needs to be because, due to the high profile nature of the case, she is over evaluating everything. Lance Ito, where are you?

                1. You better get the coolant kind.
                  I’m thinking the cooler the better.

                  I know when I was on the jury it was hot sitting. But HER? I’d be shooting HER my EYES. and a one finger sign language under the seat.

                2. I’m sorry, I couldn’t read past:

                  “NED was BIG AND LARGE. whew.”

                  “Haha! I Know! I couldnโ€™t believe how huge…”

                  “I would HANG IT due to her.”

        1. That would be fantastic. Just bring a small harp and pluck two strings every time someone makes a point…
          “So, as you can see, the defendant wore pants that day…”

          [pluck-pluck]

          “And he’s left-handed.”

          [pluck-pluck]

          “I object!”

          [pluck-pluck]

          “Overruled.”

          [pluck-pluck]

          “But your Honor, you didn’t hear the objection!”

          [pluck-pluck]

          “I don’t care. I just like the ‘pluck-pluck'”

          [pluck-pluck]

          “See?”

                1. Hahaha!

                  “Hey Jen, what’s with the lobster bibs for everyone?”

                  [plunk-plunk]

                  “Oh yeah, I forgot. Thanks. This is a new shirt.”

  2. Nothing is more entertaining than making armpit noises or eating the crunchiest potato chips on the planet during a trial! Pick one and lemme know how it turns out. If I don’t hear back from you I’ll assume you’ve been held in contempt and are making nice with your new cellmate.

    1. Hahaha! Just to increase my chances of being dismissed or found in contempt, I’ll multi-task by crunching potato chips in my armpits and laughing uncontrollably. That should also keep my cellmate from getting too friendly.

  3. I think jury duty is like taxes or urinating while drinking beer…you’re fine until you do it that first time and then you suddenly find yourself going all of the time.

  4. I had that JD a couple months ago as well… I should have tried that one… J/k
    The thing was I had to go twice but I never got picked… The cases were very similar to my life and honestly very glad. I don’t think I could have been unbiased.

No one is watching, I swear...

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