I just reported for jury duty a few minutes ago. My third time in two years. When I handed in my juror sheet to the registration desk, the women looked it over.
“Where did you park? We have free parking across the street.”
“I stole a car,” I replied.
“You know,” she said after giving me a long look, “if I had the power, I would totally excuse you.”
I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writer’s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...
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62 thoughts on “I was picked first! …for jury duty”
You should have brought the fire truck !
Dang it! I could’ve gotten a great parking spot, too!
First of all, I just got on. Clicked onto reader. My son must have been on and had the zoom on to 100% …..NED was BIG AND LARGE. whew.
Second, I was picked LAST a few years ago. I thought I was outta there. It was a murder trial too. What a crock. I even felt the air between the bench and my rear before I heard….LISA JOHNSON SAWYER.
Good luck shugg.
Haha! I Know! I couldn’t believe how huge that image was. I used “thumbnail” thinking that would keep it from happening. I almost deleted the post…
Thanks for the good wishes. I am juror No. 1, which is the first time I’ve ever been picked first for anything. So it’s bitter-sweet…
I hope for your sake its not a Zimmerman re-do.
just a thought.
That case is actually on the television right NOW in the jury room. Crap, maybe they’re prepping us.
THAT JUDGE is anal.
If I were in THAT jury.
I would HANG IT due to her.
I think it’s being made more complicated than it needs to be because, due to the high profile nature of the case, she is over evaluating everything. Lance Ito, where are you?
Oh. And prep yourself. Thas all.
Cause SHE could be your judge.
Wouldn’t you sh**.
THAT would be door worthy for sho.
If I’m selected and she is the judge, I’ll be prepping with Preparation H.
You better get the coolant kind.
I’m thinking the cooler the better.
I know when I was on the jury it was hot sitting. But HER? I’d be shooting HER my EYES. and a one finger sign language under the seat.
I’m thinking there’s probably a law disallowing the two of us to ever serve on a jury together.
Only if its THAT judge Ned. Only THAT judge.
I’m sorry, I couldn’t read past:
“NED was BIG AND LARGE. whew.”
“Haha! I Know! I couldn’t believe how huge…”
“I would HANG IT due to her.”
Don’t forget…HE’S FIRST!!
Thanks for defending me…. wait, that’s what you were doing, right?
I did say prep yourself too.
I had to go back and read all of this.
We are a crock.
Move over Ellen. We getting our own show.
WINNER WINNER CHICKEN DINNER
Geez, when you put it THAT way…
Wait, what was your point?
Great response, it should have worked!
Next time, I’m going to wear a shirt that just says:
That should get me out of it 😉
If it does you should make a whole batch and sell them online as a tool for others to escape as well!
Heck, I’ll set up a t-shirt stand on the courthouse steps every Thursday! I’ll make a fortune! You know, before I’m arrested…
Hey who knows, after so many jury duties, it could be fun to view the judicial system from a different perspective!
As long as it doesn’t include a giant, hairy cellmate nicknamed “Packer.”
Exactly! I think I’ll take your advice and sell them online. Safer that way. Plus, I can work from home instead of a cell.
Sounds like a plan!
I have never been picked for jury duty despite the fact that I’m a lawyer. Just kidding, I just watch a lot of law & order.
If you ever do get picked, just wear a “Law & Order: SVU” t-shirt to the jury selection. That should do it.
Can I make that clang clang sound too?
That would be fantastic. Just bring a small harp and pluck two strings every time someone makes a point…
“So, as you can see, the defendant wore pants that day…”
“And he’s left-handed.”
“But your Honor, you didn’t hear the objection!”
“I don’t care. I just like the ‘pluck-pluck'”
I am going to start doing that during business meetings.
Lol! They’ll appreciate that and begin to look forward to those meetings — like Pavlov.
“Jen, we always appreciated having you here, but now you’re literally making us salivate with anticipation before meetings.”
“Hey Jen, what’s with the lobster bibs for everyone?”
“Oh yeah, I forgot. Thanks. This is a new shirt.”
I just laughed so loudly I scared my roommate. Thank you for that.
Hey, you’re welcome! You’re pretty danged funny yourself!
Nothing is more entertaining than making armpit noises or eating the crunchiest potato chips on the planet during a trial! Pick one and lemme know how it turns out. If I don’t hear back from you I’ll assume you’ve been held in contempt and are making nice with your new cellmate.
Hahaha! Just to increase my chances of being dismissed or found in contempt, I’ll multi-task by crunching potato chips in my armpits and laughing uncontrollably. That should also keep my cellmate from getting too friendly.
That’s beautiful. Nearly spit out my Sun Chip. (Or as you call them down there, “a Vegas taco,” right?) #vernacular
I can’t answer that because, as you know, what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas. Especially if it involves a dried snack food or stain.
I have nothing to say except of how proud I am of you.
That means a lot coming from you. Assuming you’re sober.
I chugged Pepto Bismol this morning. It does strange things to me.
It still means a lot. Just pinker.
I’m pickled pink.
I never get invited. The people at the courthouse must not like me.
Don’t feel bad. I’m sure you’ll have your time in the courthouse. Hopefully without a felony.
I think jury duty is like taxes or urinating while drinking beer…you’re fine until you do it that first time and then you suddenly find yourself going all of the time.
PS In Canada, we come pre-apologized, so we don’t really need a court system.
You Canadians always have to one-up us. Except with Justin Bieber…
Why do you think we sent him south
That explains why you installed turnstiles at all the boarder crossings; you know he won’t be able to get back through.
If you don’t mind, I’m going to open with that if I get to be jury Forman again.
Always welcome sir!
Hey Ned you should eat nothing all week except cabbage cheese and beer. That will show them
Another good reason for the bailiff to yell “Clear the courtroom!”
Ned, that is actually the reason that the bailiff would not have to yell that 🙂
Haha! That’s true. By then it may be too late 😉
I had that JD a couple months ago as well… I should have tried that one… J/k
The thing was I had to go twice but I never got picked… The cases were very similar to my life and honestly very glad. I don’t think I could have been unbiased.
That alone would have gotten you excused. That, and wearing a tinfoil hat.