This post proves even God likes to use… The Door

The Door, which spellcheck instinctively keeps suggesting I call The Odor.
The Door which spellcheck appropriately enough keeps suggesting I call The Odor.
Some of you may remember the request from Barbara Walters last week for an interview about what she described as The Door’s “Journa-wistic and histowical impowtance,” and how, after denying her request for an interview, she told me to “DWOP DEAD!” Then you can imagine my surprise when, early this morning, the sleepy-eyed Brit Hume called just long enough to introduce himself before promptly falling asleep on the other end of the line. For any of you who have tried calling me this morning only to get a busy signal for the last two hours, it’s because the line is still open, with Hume snoring on the other end. Hopefully, someone will wake him for hair and make-up soon.

In the meantime, for those of you who may be new to The Door because, for example, you stumbled onto this post looking for home improvement tips, I’ll tell you it is a weekly feature that spotlights the best and worst in journalism that reporters here at Siuslaw News have been clipping and gluing to our newsroom door since the 1970s, back when journalists were looking for any excuse to open a tube of glue. Each Tuesday, we spotlight an entry from our newsroom door which, in addition to being the equivalent to a journalistic Smithsonian here on the Oregon coast, is also a time capsule of sorts, sealing up a different kind of journalistic history once the commode is flushed on the other side.

That said, because we here at Siuslaw News are not above making mistakes, particularly when it’s the holiday season and Peggy brings in rum balls so laden with liquor that the slightest spark could turn the break room into the ninth circle of hell, we will be featuring a controversial entry from 2008 in which a weekly syndicated religion column we run appeared to have been written by Dr. Joyce Brothers instead of Joyce Meyers.

However, as regular readers already know, before we get to this week’s feature we must first observe a sacred tradition established many moons ago, at least in terms of loose-fitting pants. So please join hands and repeat the following chant in a monotoned voice similar to an NBA player reading a statement denying his paternity:

The Door is a beacon, drawing us into the jagged rocks of journalism.

Now, let us begin.

As I mentioned, the following entry comes to us as a syndicated feature on our “Religion” page, where we also list local church events and news. Because this feature comes to us “ready to format,” we generally didn’t proof it. At least, not before 2008…


This week’s advice was about not letting guilt get in the way of being all you can be in God’s Army, and that forgiving yourself goes hand-in-hand with being forgiven by Him. All of which made this particular type-o all the more… uh, inappropriately relevant…


I consider myself a fairly religious person who also believes God has a sense of humor. If He didn’t, He wouldn’t have given us Auto Correct.

That said, judging from his snoring on speaker phone, Brit Hume has entered REM sleep and I really need to make a few calls. Hopefully, this air horn will do the trick…

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Ned's Blog

I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writer’s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...

89 thoughts on “This post proves even God likes to use… The Door”

          1. I always want to believe that parties aren’t what they used to be too. Sadly, I had lunch with the descendants, who are now 20somethings, and I was disillusioned to learn the little niwits and their friends are engaging in the same very naughty behaviors my generation did. Evolution is an urban myth; we’re regressing, soon to be apes!

  1. Hahaha. I love it. But I love the image of Brit Hume (whom I truly enjoy, but who definitely has a sleepy basset hound thing going on) snoozing on your telephone. Too funny for words! Man, I need to find time to catch up around here! Soon.

    1. Thanks, Marcia! Yeah, Brit Hume reminds me of the cartoon character “Droopy.”

      Oh… wait, I think he’s waking up! I’ll have to get back to you… πŸ˜‰

            1. Hey, thanks. If you don’t mind, I’m going to use that as my defense when Joyce Meyerrs takes me to court. I may need to call upon you as a character witness…

                1. Hahahahahahahahaha! One of my favorite shows when I was a kid. Sometimes I have my wife dress like Holly…

                  H.R. Humpin’ Stuff

                2. HAHAHA! Where does Jimmy fit in? Never mind. I think I know the answer to that. I wish I didn’t…

                  By the way, I can’t β€” and don’t want to β€” top that one. Like Jimmy’s butt cheeks, I want to leave that last entry unblemished. So…

                  UNCLE HENRY!!

  2. LMAO seems like an inappropriate response to your comment. I should probably skate around it.

    I did have to snicker inappropriately when I checked the Suislaw directory and found “PC of Suislaw” listed.

  3. Like the line above it too: “He just did what He came to do”.

    Might “what” be a typo for “who”? It would definitely fit more tightly with the next line.

No one is watching, I swear...

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