One group’s quest brings them to… The Door

The Door: Cultural mecca; journalistic icon; restroom door.

The Door: Cultural mecca; journalistic icon; restroom door.

The media storm continues to swirl around us in the newsroom here at Siuslaw News, where we have denied access to all the major news outlets seeking an exclusive to The Door (of Shame, Blame and Brilliance). Obviously, this has made us a lot of enemies at ABC, CBS, NBC, FOX and The 700 Club, all of which have sent their most prestigious correspondents to secure an exclusive to what Brian Williams has called, “Equal to the Rosetta Stone in terms of journalism — You know, if The Door wasn’t already in English.”

While Morley Safer is continuing to hound us for the exclusive by faxing images of his buttocks with the words “You will crack” written on them, Barbara Walters has been talking about us on The View, hoping to manipulate the public into thinking we have something to hide. As she said during this morning’s show, “What if we cwosed the Smithswonian to the pubwic? What are they twying to hide? It’s a weal twavesty.”

The fact is, we have nothing to hide. At least, not unless someone is on the other side of The Door using the commode. Just last week I spoke at the Boys and Girls Club about journalism, and how any one of them could become a successful journalist like me! Once the laughter faded, I ended my presentation by talking about The Door.

It was clear my presentation to members of the Boys & Girls Club had them enthralled. Or was it a stray nose hair?

It was clear my presentation to members of the Boys & Girls Club had them enthralled. Or was it a stray nose hair?

Naturally, this sparked an exciting and lively dialogue. As our time came to a close, I could see in their eyes that something had been kindled. A fire that wasn’t there before, sparked by the allure of journalism. I asked if there were any last questions and, as if to underscore the powerful impact of my presentation, one young man raised his hand immediately.

“Where do babies come from?”

Realizing the importance of this question, I explained he had no reason to be embarrassed about not knowing where babies come from at his age, and that he had obviously never seen The Nature Channel. I also told him I would be happy to stay afterward and explain where babies come from or, if he felt more comfortable, he could have any one of his friends explain it to him.

“Uh… that’s ok.”

Despite the instantaneous dip in his “coolness” factor, he was the first to ask about coming to see The Door.

Now, for those who may visiting this blog for the first time, I should explain that The Door is an actual door in our newsroom where, since the 1970s, reporters have been sticking the best and worst examples of print journalism, using tape, glue, paste or, as I suspect during a particularly lean month, their own bodily fluids. Each Tuesday, I feature an entry from The Door as a way to enlighten, entertain and, more recently, really peeve the major news networks.

Speaking of which, imagine how peeved they’ll be when they see this photo of Boys and Girls Club kids granted unfettered access to The Door!

After perusing The Door, everyone agreed on a favorite clipping...

After perusing The Door, everyone agreed on a favorite clipping. Sorry parents…

For those who are regular readers of The Door, I assure you I had them follow the tradition established more than four decades ago — not counting the 70s, 80s or 90s — which includes chanting the following phrase in a monotoned voice similar to Ryan Braun apologizing for steroid use:

The Door is a beacon, drawing us into the jagged rocks of journalism.

To be honest, I didn’t realize how creepy this chant sounds until hearing it resonate through the newsroom by a group of 12- to 14-year-olds. That said, it didn’t take long for them to agree on their favorite entry on The Door, which is a 1987 clipping from the Eugene Register-Guard…

Work for Beer

I found it encouraging that the group chose this as its favorite clipping, as opposed to any of the typo clippings with things like “pubic” or “teats” which, from what I understand, Barbara Walters said she “tweeted” about.

Or did she mean “teat?”

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