In short, things are back to normal here at Siuslaw News.
Morley Safer has resumed the relentless faxing of his booty, threatening to continue until “YOU CRACK and I am given the EXCLUSIVE! Or my next scheduled proctology appointment, whichever comes first.” Barbara Walters is once again leaving angry phone messages, including just a few minutes ago when she whispered, “I will Bweak you, and that’s a pwomise.”
And as I mentioned, Geraldo Rivera is now after an exclusive and has been attempting to infiltrate our newsroom by using his investigative journalism skills. In one attempt, he disguised himself as a construction worker to gain access. He would’ve made it if not for “Misty,” our observant receptionist, who stopped him for an autograph when she thought he was one of the Village People. Since last Tuesday, we have thwarted no fewer than six attempts by Rivera to reach The Door — including trying to tunnel in from the sewer. Frighteningly, he made it to within only a few feet of The Door but came up short, breaking through the restroom floor while “Joe” was on the commode. Being trained journalists, we quickly surmised that two men screaming in the bathroom meant something was wrong.
Needless to say, we remain on high alert here in the newsroom as I bring you this week’s entry. For those who might be stumbling into The Door for the first time, at least in terms of finding this blog, you should know each week we feature a clipping from among those that reporters have been pasting to The Door since the 1970s. Each is an example of print journalism “Shame, Blame or Brilliance.” But mostly the first two.
As always, before we reveal this week’s clipping, we must all join hands and, in a monotoned voice similar to any member of Will Smith’s family after watching Miley Cyrus, repeat the following chant:
The Door is a beacon, drawing us into the jagged rocks of journalism.
Today, we are featuring one of the oldest clippings on The Door. It is from 1973, and is what we call a “wild photo,” which is a photo that runs with a brief description beneath it instead of a full story. In addition, it usually includes a catchy title as well. In this example, which I consider the epitome of the term “wild photo,” the title only makes things worse…
At this point, it’s probably best that I don’t offer any additional commentary.
Besides: I’m just happy to see you…
Ned's Blog 
“Morley Safer? I heard you were dead.” – Escape from The Door
Just to set aside any rumors, Morley Safer’s booty faxes have been matched by experts at Angel Soft.
Passed through “The Grimm Report’s” portal. One question, how does she do that thing with her bum?
That’s like asking what’s in a hot dog… It’s a question I know I don’t want the answer to.
Oh. My. Word.
After that photo appeared, I’m sure that kid had a very active social life in the years to come.
No pun intended.
Not to mention that if he ever goes blind, he won’t need a cane to find his way…
Or find water.
Lol! I have to say, considering the circumstances, his going blind is… uh… a distinct possibility…
I think all my best comebacks I used up this morning.
After your blind comment … I can’t think of anything to say.
❤
I’m sure there will be plenty to talk about tonight 😉 xoxoxoxo
😉
HAH! Please excuse me, I must now go back and read past door posts…
No excuses necessary… Unless you are Geraldo in disguise 😉
Make the same fisting comments to Safer and he should go away.
No comment on the picture, but what preceded the picture may just be your best Door scribbles to date.
I owe it all to Geraldo. The scribbling, I mean. Not the photo.
And thanks, Steve 😉
Holy mass.
You have uncovered early photos of Mark Wahlberg!! I knew it was true! God bless America.
I knew I was craving spotted dick pudding for a reason…
In terms of spotting, it’s pretty hard to miss.
Now that’s packing.
That’s almost illegal and in need of fun control. I meant gun control. Either way…illegal. Substance abuse.
I believe he is currently working as a mobile handrail.
I suddenly feel a need to wash my hands…brb
The Scout Motto is: BE PREPARED which means you are always in a state of readiness in mind and body to do your DUTY.
Be Prepared in Mind by having disciplined yourself to be obedient to every order, and also by having thought out beforehand any accident or situation that might occur, so that you know the right thing to do at the right moment, and are willing to do it.
Be Prepared in Body by making yourself strong and active and able to do the right thing at the right moment, and do it.
The results of my research I believe say it all – Beth
Beautifully stated.
Creepy? Sure. But stated beautifully nonetheless.
creepy is an understatement
Is that a gun in your pocket?? Oh man…this should be the Weekly Writing Challenge Photo. The expressions on all of their faces are begging for a story to be written!!
My wife and I came up with possible career scenarios he may have pursued: T-ball stand, water witch, golf instructor, mobile hand rail, coat rack… there’s no limit to his potential. It’s easy to pitch a tent with him; all you have to do is have him lay down, then throw a tarp over the top… 😉
Do they Boy Scouts know about this, er, evidence? And there a door right behind them. Couldn’t they just “get a room”?!
It’s probably not on their fliers. But apparently, they really ARE prepared for everything…
I hope that includes embarrassment. I’m sure the one on his knees endured a ribbing or two, and not the “for her pleasure” kind of ribbing either.
Hahaha! No doubt. At least none of their names were in the cutline, which was fortunate. Well, for everyone but the “endowed” scout, who may have welcomed a little recognition.
Or a lot, as it were.
He’s probably the only person Ron Jeremy will ever be jealous of.
Yes, definitely the Kryptonite to Jeremy’s… well, you know.
Oh boy. Judging by that photo, Boy Scouts weren’t as prudish in 1973 as they are now.
Apparently, the Cub Scout salute was different then, too.