Football Guy: (Getting tackled) “Oh sure — run the old L-42 play, THAT always works…”
Tennis Girl: “If my skirt gets any shorter, I’ll be playing Olympic volleyball…”
You get the idea.
Just about everyone remembers this folder because, like Al Sharpton’s hair gel, it has remained virtually unchanged since 1964. What has changed, however, is the growing list of items parents must provide throughout the school year. This comes in addition to rudimentary things, such as clothing, snacks and a recent urine sample. The reason is simple: The government is tired of wasteful spending, particularly in the educational system, where a special task force has discovered that schools routinely get bilked into spending thousands of dollars on paper alone.
“And, shockingly, most of this paper has turned out to be blank,” said Education Secretary Arne Duncan.
The study, code-named “Operation: Waste Storm,” was described by Duncan as “the first step in a three-pronged approach to end overspending in four areas of education.”
White House press secretary Fred Netterman later apologized on behalf of Duncan, saying his initial figures were incorrect, and that it was actually a four-pronged approach.
“The point is, he’s been promised as many prongs as it takes to get the job done — that’s how serious we are,” said Netterman, who revealed that “scissors,” “glue” and “construction paper” were other pork barrel items targeted by the study.
“Obviously, we’re approaching construction paper with a great deal of sensitivity since, in addition to money, it involves issues of color,” said Netterman.
Duncan, meanwhile, went on to explain that a less frivolous educational budget will encourage schools to do more with less, which will go further in preparing children for the real world than making paper hats and collages — items which, as Duncan pointed out, could be outsourced to children in Taiwan and imported for half the price.
“In addition to the cost savings, think of how it would bolster our relationship with the Taiwanian people,” said Duncan, who underscored his statement by pointing to a map of Japan.
So, how will all this affect our children’s education?
I honestly don’t know..
But I’m sure, eventually, everything will be just Pee-Chee.
(Ned is a syndicated humor columnist with News Media Corporation. Write to him at nedhickson@icloud.com, or at Siuslaw News, P.O. Box 10, Florence, Ore 97439)
Ned's Blog 
“issues of color” Beaut!
Sad;y, we didn’t have the Pee Chee folder up in our neck of the (Canadian) woods. Every year we had the “Campfire” notebook. Or, as Hilroy now calls it, the”Heritage” notebook. http://www.staples.ca/en/Hilroy-Heritage-Stitched-Notebook-54-Pages/product_23078_2-CA_1_20001
This is still on the majority of school supply lists and still always referred to as “Campfire” notebook. So many homework memories!
Wow, “Heritage Notebook” sounds so much more sophisticated than Pee Chee! Canadians schools just have more class. Or more classes… 😉
In other budgetary news: Asphalt to be replaced by compressed human waste, a two-pronged savings.
I wonder if we will be outsourcing for that as well?
Very well done sir!!! I loved every word of it
Also, I added you to my blog roll, I thought I had done that long ago but I guess I hadn’t.
I appreciate that 🙂 You know what they say: “Better late then never, unless you’re talking about a vasectomy.”
well that certainly puts perspective on it. I may have to use that one in the future….
Thanks, Steve!
haha cute!
Wow! I have been surely living a deprived life. I’ve never even heard of a PeeChee Folder, or even a Campfire Notebook. I was required to make, in each class, with kraft paper provided, and my own scissors, a cover for each textbook issued to me. Obviously the grocer and the bank were too cheap to print their logos on the paper. Or maybe they knew how cheap the school district was and didn’t bother to bother.
I remember those! We made out out of brown paper sacks from the grocery store. You had to turn them inside out to get rid of the logo. Then you could draw on the outside. You know, like Football Guy, Tennis Girl…
Haha. We were not so fortunate. We had to use something that my dad accused our generation of having very little, imagination. Well, I glued cutouts from magazines on the covers that looked like ransom letters. Never did receive payment for threatening to not return books…
Lol! My daughter does thee same with her notebooks. As for you, I think the statute of limitations has expired on those books, so breathe easy 😉
Faaaantastic. Just made my time spent waiting in the Apple store much more enjoyable. Thankfully, the din of people’s voices masked my maniacal laughter, and I will probably be permitted to leave of my own accord.
because, you know, our relationship with the Taiwanese is crucial to our success as a Country.
I don’t mean to flaunt my worldliness, but I believe they are called Taiwanesionians…
I stand corrected…thank you for increasing my world kanowledge.
That’s whut I’m hear four…
Word
as you know, urine samples can have quite a high cost. just ask lance armstrong.
Yeah. And it’s not like you can find coupons for urine in the Sunday paper.
Wait, you’re speaking metaphorically weren’t you…
Ar. ar. ar…. the real 3 R’s of education. Pee chee. LOL
That’s pretty much all I remember from my high school education. And probably why I skipped college…