For those who follow me on Twitter (and if you don’t, who can blame you), they know I was dealt a “Perfect Storm” of events yesterday, much like the movie with George Clooney, except as a really bad sequel that Clooney turned down in favor of the lead in Gigli 2.
My “Perfect Storm” scenario included the following plot twists:
1) A feverish, sneeze-inducing form of Influenza
2) An early newspaper deadline because of,
3) A mandatory hands-on firefighter skills test to take
My objectives were to arrive at work by 5 a.m. and meet a 1 p.m. deadline, then hurry to the fire station, where I would take a five-evolution skills test in full gear and breathing apparatus, all while trying not to sneeze uncontrollably into my face mask, thus obscuring my view while simultaneously resembling something from the movie Alien, thereby setting off a chain reaction of vomiting by my fellow firefighters inside their face masks.
I’m happy to say I achieved my objectives. Sadly, however, it came at the expense of yesterday’s edition of The Box.
WAIT! Even from here, with my congested nasal passages, the outcry of disappointment is tangible, wafting through the air like cheap fireworks tossed into a portable commode. What does this mean, other than my fever is spiking? It means this week The Box, much like the lining of my nose, will be making a rare, Wednesday afternoon appearance! That’s right! I’m losing the lining in my nostrils! So until then (and by “then” I mean when today’s edition of The Box is posted) thank you for your patience, which I know is nothing to sneeze at.
Ned's Blog 
Wow… I’m sorry your dog ate your mom! That’s just so sad…
You don’t ever really get over that kind of thing. I just wish Mrs. Taskmaster had been as understanding…
Wow….I hope you are feeling better today!!
Thanks, Susan 😉 I’m getting there. Waiting for my daughter at the orthodontist right now, then heading home and back to bed for a while. I think a few hours of sleep will get me back on track now that I’ve stopped sneezing!
I like the no braces picture!! Get some rest and feel better.
Me too! Four years she waited. I took her out for some messy food afterward 😉
Excellent!! I remember the day I got my braces off – I think I chewed gum for 8 straight hours!!
LOL! Me too!! Plus my tongue was raw from constantly running it over my brace-less teeth 🙂
Haha – same!!
are your dog and your mom alright ? Or are they both still half left ? Just like the inside of a breathing apparatus bilateral symmetry is nothing to sneeze at, especially when they are dogs and moms.
I’m happy to say both are OK. It was a close call. In fact, I can’t even look at one of those fake dog poops without getting emotional about how things could’ve turned out.
wait…is that a fondue pot by your head? I love fondue.
get better Ned.
Thanks, Lisa — and yes, it is a fondue pot. We actually have three of them; my oldest daughter always wants fondue for her birthday dinner. We always eat way too much cheese deep. I’m thinking about doing melted Ex-Lax next year instead of chocolate for dessert dipping.
…yeah. you let me know how that “works”. in fact…how fast it “works”. AND remind me that if you come down this way, fondue is OUT of the question with you….
hows the snots?
Fine, no fondue. but I still expect BBQ.
And things are drying up. With my nose…
How do you like yours..dry or wet ….BBQ that is?
glad to hear things are well the honker…
The only thing I like dry is my feet.
OH LAWD….not me! not me! htat can cause chafing in the ……….while………
So, you like your BBQ vinegar based? chopped fine or pulled?
Yes ma’am, and pulled, please.
The BBQ…
YES….my kinda man….
the slower you pull………the longer it gets. And then just when you think its at its longest, you hold your head way back and try to get the whole thing in your……
The BBQ…
I think I may have misunderstood why it’s called The Deep South…
Yes.
And some mistaken it for the mouth’s.
Rednecks. Whatchu gonna do?
It was an honest mistake.
Sorry, but without photos, I am not sure I can believe you…must see the vomit-imbued masks, with a 30-page analysis on the dietary habits of the indigenous fire volunteers.
Haha! I’ll just scrape the masks and let you test the samples, so there’s no chance of manipulating the evidence…
Give a whole new meaning to the question: Who had the cheese dip?
I had sympathetic diarrhea yesterday. Don’t get sick again, please.
Hahahahaooooohhhhhhhcrrrrrraaaaap…!
Sorry to hear you’re under the weather, and over-worked etc. I WAS disappointed but you get a free pass because no-one deserves to be sick. No-one. 😀
Lol! Thanks for cutting me some slack 😉
I’m all about cutting slack….
LMAO. Your commenters are so funny. Next time you’re running short on time, you ought just post some of the wacky comments you get.
I have to agree! I always look forward to the comments folks leave and am working on a way to do them as a post. And not just because I’m lazy…
i’ve used this technique before, in 6th grade, called in for myself. did not go well. get better )
I could see how that might happen…
some people have a bigger learning curve than others, have to do things hands-on and learn for themselves. i quite possibly could be one of those people. probably why i ruled out ‘criminal’ on my list of possible career options.
That’s exactly how I became a doctor. For a few months.
I’m amazed you still managed despite your illness. Well done.
Thank you.
Wait, when you say “despite your illness,” you mean the flu, right?
LOL.
Did you know that the more specific the excuse, the more likely it is false? I bet the squirrel was afraid of getting sick and you’re covering for him.
That’s the same thing my editor told me when I tried to call in sick!
Hot firefighters are forgiven Ned, so I forgive you. 😉
Lol! I’ll sleep better knowing that 😉