Another example of why I will eventually get fired

imageEvery press release that comes here to Siuslaw News crosses my desk and computer monitor at some point. That’s because, among my duties as a humor columnist is typing up things like obituaries, ambulance reports and other things that fall under the “humor umbrella.” At least, that’s how it’s been explained to me. This also includes public service announcements, which sometimes arrive as a hand-written note on a stained cocktail napkin.

When I asked why this is considered part of the coverage area under the “humor umbrella,” my editor explained it’s because my having to figure out someone’s scrawl on an ink-bled napkin “IS FUNNY!”

So, from time to time, I attempt to demonstrate why it would be better to take this duty away from me. Sometimes it’s something subtle like this obituary I put together…


Other times, like with a press release that arrived today about a citizens’ preparedness program in nearby Dunes City, my approach is a little less subtle. Admittedly, I didn’t actually let it slip into the paper; but the knowledge that it could have is something I’m pretty sure keeps my editor up nights…


This is for you, Twindaddy!

(Ned Hickson is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His first book, Humor at the Speed of Life, is available from Port Hole Publications, or Barnes & Noble.)

Published by

Ned's Blog

I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writer’s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...

41 thoughts on “Another example of why I will eventually get fired”

  1. This is fun! I LOVE that pic! And OMG, wouldn’t it be great to see that obit page in the news? Yep, you are fab!

      1. Star Wars fan in this house too! Am thinking a whole series of those sorts of pix is the way to go…….

  2. Oh my word. I would die myself if I saw that in the paper. There are some funnies in our local paper from time to time, but I’m pretty sure they are not on-purpose funny.

  3. Bwahaha! that is hilarious Ned! Honestly the picture fits well with the federal gov’ts tongue-in-cheek program of being ready for a Zombie Apocalypse. I have to admit that the photo interested me so much that I read the whole article. Also love the Obit – “Nobody” Ha! You must give your editor fits sometimes – knowing what you’re capable of and always waiting for you to slip something by her.

  4. Love it. They should do a paper one day that does actually read what you said in the obits. I’d love to see peoples faces when they read it…Classic!
    As for the picture, well that’s just brilliant.

  5. My father, now 71, has always read the newspaper practically cover-to-cover and tracks baseball box scores compulsively. He has begun to do the same with obituaries, which I guess means he’s given up on seeing his friends’ names on the society pages but clings to the hope that at least they’ll show up in print somewhere. The Nobody obituary is to the death pages what Who’s On First is to baseball.

  6. I have always been amazed by the spread of Roman citizens as I can’t count the times I have seen published photo captions written in Greeked in text.

    And how many times I have berated my old history teachers and professors for lying to me all those years, because obviously the ancient Greeks spoke and wrote in Latin gibberish (or Laterish), not Greek.

  7. I backed up a couple days to get a much needed Diet Dew Spew. As per usual, you did not disappoint. You sure Dune’s City is next to you? I thought for sure I saw those dudes in my neighborhood.

      1. If you see Fr. Robert dropping by your house on his way to mine, then you know for sure!

        OMG! Speaking of Fr. Robert! I just found out that my co-worker’s farm borders the Ava, MO monastery. Kid you not…he KNOWS Fr. Robert!!!

No one is watching, I swear...

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s