Daily Life facts worth a Long Awkward Pause

As with each Saturday, I’ve made the long drive from my home in Oregon to the office of Long Awkward Pause at an undisclosed location. In fact, they won’t even tell ME where it’s at, which means I’ll keep driving until I eventually become desperate enough to ask a gas station attendant once I reach Omaha, Neb. In the meantime — and before I run out of gas — here’s this week’s Saturday Six!

1. The Toothpaste Conundrum


BrainRants: Sooo… stop brushing.  Problem solved.  You also stop wasting money on buying dinners and drinks in the distant hope of getting lucky.

Omawarisan – Pretty similar to my gas tank. 100 miles from the first 1/4 tank. 100 miles from the second 1/4. 100 miles from the last 1/2.

Ned: That’s because each of my kids immediately squeezes the tube in the middle as hard as they can the moment they open it, then move on to another tube like locust. I’m the only one using the last 10 percent for the next four months.

(To brush up on more Daily Life Facts, join me over at Long Awkward Pause by taking This Exit…)

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Ned's Blog

I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writer’s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...

13 thoughts on “Daily Life facts worth a Long Awkward Pause”

    1. Thanks, Dadicus. I have no trouble speaking in front of large groups but for some reason the phone interview for the radio made me really nervous. My voice is actually two octaves lower than that and I sound a lot like James Earl Jones…

  1. My theory…

    I am a middle squeezer and Moderate Daddy is a perfect, end of the toothpaste roller.

    One might ASSUME I am lazy but in actuality…

    I have 3 children whining… crying that they are either (a) hungry (b) annoyed (c) in need their bottom wiped that I only had time to grab the paste… squeeze it… brush brush brush and rush to my darling offspring!

    Moderate Daddy, on the other hand, gets ready is perfect peace and has the time and mental free space to perfectly roll the end of the toothpaste!!

    Just my theory 🙂

  2. My whole family uses the last dregs of the toothpaste tube for months, basically until their gums are bleeding from over brushing. Since I am responsible for toothpaste purchase in our household, I always buy the two tube pack and hide the second tube in an undisclosed location, like on the lawn mower where my son would never venture.

    Then there is the toilet paper conundrum, which means we don’t buy TP until we have used every paper restaurant napkin my wife has stuffed in her purse.

    1. We do the same with our restaurant napkins and sometimes the guilt gets to me, so every once in a while I leave a roll of toilet paper by the napkin dispenser at Arby’s.

No one is watching, I swear...

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