Real Men Are Always In Control — Of Themselves, Not Others

Brother Jon’s Page over at Stories That Must Not Die gave me the honor of running my post on domestic abuse today. With the New Year approaching, I truly hope these thoughts can inspire someone to end or leave the cycle of abuse in 2015. Tragedy is the flipside of comedy; they are entwined — and this post is my personal flipside… My best wishes to all of you in the New Year

Stories that Must Not Die

Anyone who reads my weekly newspaper column or blog posts knows I try to keep life in perspective through humor. In fact, I’d say it’s one of the reasons my children are still alive today. While I joke about that, for many years humor was also part of a coping mechanism from a childhood witnessing both verbal and physical abuse by the men in my family — specifically, my father and older brothers.

The good news is that each of them eventually turned themselves, their lives and the lives of the people they loved, around. It wasn’t until I became a father that I realized the impact that a childhood witnessing abuse had on me, and how some of those wounds — as both a witness and recipient — had never truly healed.

I know this because I occasionally saw reflections of my father and brothers in myself as I…

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10 thoughts on “Real Men Are Always In Control — Of Themselves, Not Others

  1. I’m so glad this post was re-blogged, because I think the more people that read it the better the world may be!

    Thank you for all you’ve done as a passionate and articulate voice against domestic violence. We need more guys like you, speaking out.

  2. Ned, this is a perfect reminder for both men and women. The impact of abuse also affects women… they cower or some carry it forward themselves. I have seen both sides of the equation. I congratulate you for NOT carrying abuse forward; and sadly it is ingrained in us.

    • Thanks, Gwynn. And you’re right; the momentum of abuse is carried by everyone affected by it, whether they realize it or not. Understanding that is the first step to breaking that momentum.

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