Give up coffee… What was I THINKING?!?

image As many of you know, giving up coffee was one of my New Year’s resolutions. I made this decision because I felt it was a healthy thing to do and that, by cutting down on coffee and caffeine, I would be a better, stronger and healthier person.

I was wrong.

After a week without my coffee, I was simply crankier. I missed the ritual of making the coffee, smelling the coffee and getting the perfect amount of cream and sugar as much as I missed the caffeine.

Ok, that’s not entirely true; I missed the caffeine more. How much more? Here is a sequence of photos taken this morning from our security/productivity camera in the breakroom at Siuslaw News. After seeing these, I’ve decided to no longer deny myself the simple pleasure of having my coffee. If for no other reason than to keep this from happening again…














So yes, I am back to drinking coffee. Do I consider myself a failure for giving in to my lust desire enjoyment of drinking coffee even though I know it isn’t entirely healthy for me? Of course not. It’s certainly healthier than the risk involved with swallowing dried coffee grounds.

The truth of the matter is, I love coffee and there are worse vices I could have other than a few cups each day. I’ve never smoked and am a responsible drinker, i.e., if someone has alcohol I’ll respond! Haha! Just kidding. But seriously, coffee brings me joy and has become an important part of my mornings and my writing process. Although supportive of my decision to give it up, many of you voiced your opinion that I should reconsider my resolution — and that I shouldn’t deny myself coffee if I enjoy it so much.

As my friend Ross Murray so eloquently put it: Are you nuts? Swear off coffee completely? Didn’t think about, I dunno, just cutting back? (Says the sugar addict…)

Or as Kevin at Kevin’s Blog of Worthless Advice suggested: Why would you want to give up coffee? Cut back to one cup a day and you’ll be fine. Or make that cup more exciting with various creamers that are extremely bad for you (but taste so good)…

Although I think Kim Ulmanis at Witty and Hilarious Tagline Pending said it best: You’re a writer. Drink the damn coffee. Writers do not do sissy drinks like postum or decaf tea…

I’d like to thank everyone for their comments and support. I appreciate you helping me wake up and smell the coffee.



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Ned's Blog

I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writer’s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...

106 thoughts on “Give up coffee… What was I THINKING?!?”

  1. Welcome back Ned! We, the coffee drinkers of the world, have missed you. That series of pictures has got to be the funniest thing i have seen for a long,long time. I laughed out loud. Thank You.

  2. Since technically coffee drinking reduces your risk of head and neck cancer, cardiovascular disease, and other illnesses, think of it as medicine. You’re welcome! 😉

    1. They also say caffeine raises your blood pressure but I disagree; my blood pressure was higher without caffeine. Mostly because I was cranky.

      And thanks, Victo!

      1. Nah. Any blood pressure elevation from coffee is negligible. It is the high dose energy drinks and supplements with caffeine that are the issue. AND, they don’t do jack for head and neck cancers, cardiivascular disease, etc. …

  3. OMG! Laugh out loud funny!
    Thank goodness you came to your senses…I was having a hard time keeping the sharp objects hidden.
    Those pictures….dude…my laugh brought the dogs to the office.

  4. I’m glad you are back in the high life again. Now I’m going to print those pics out in color and make a little flip book like in days of yore.

  5. The fact that you set this series of shots up speaks to how far you have fallen into despair without your caffeine fix. Seriously Dude…laughing my ass off! That is my over-sized ass, due to the amount of chocolates I consumed over the holiday season. No, I will not be submitting photos!

    1. Haha! The magic of my iPod’s new timed exposure setting. It’s opened up a whole new world of ways to embarrass myself.

      By the way, laughing burns calories. Glad I can help 😉

  6. Toasting you with my own fresh cup! I had to laugh at the “smelling the can” photo – I used to actually do that during my no-coffee phase, but thankfully I never resorted to actually eating the ground coffee. However, I have in the past eaten chocolate-covered coffee beans – delicious!

  7. As my drug of choice, I could not live without it. Also, much evidence on the medical benefits for heart and as a free radical (Not decaf. That shit will kill you) Got to drink at least three cups a day for the benefits. I choose 18 oz cups

    1. I am a member of that same club. It’s a “vice” I can live with. And apparently one I shouldn’t live without 😉

      As for writing about it, it was the only way to get through my pain 😉

  8. Going without coffee gives me diarrhea. Either that or going without artificial sweetener gives me diarrhea. Or going without cream gives me diarrhea. Heck, pretty much everything gives me diarrhea.

    Congrats. You made it longer than most.

      1. Now there is a new coffee creamer flavor….

        Eat the coffee grounds and all your coworkers will love the aroma after you visit the room behind the Door. Maybe a famous coffee purveyor will name a coffee blend after you — StarButts.

  9. I’m so happy you caved and are once again back to the land of caffeinated coffee living. I was wondering how your day was going. Apparently going a bit ape shit and masticating coffee grounds. That’s like chewing cigarette butts rather than smoking. Cringe, shudder…hork 😉

  10. I think I could give up chocolate easier than I could coffee! Yikes! I don’t just need the caffeine, I actually really enjoy a great cup of joe! With just the right amount of cream and sugar… uh huh! Mmmmmm!! Ok, now I want a cup of coffee!!!! LOL! and I gotta go to bed! Gee..thanks Ned! 😛

    1. That’s exactly how I feel. It’s not just the caffeine, but the whole ritual of making it, smelling it, wrapping my hands around the warm cup, the taste of the perfect blend of cream and sugar on my lips…

      Wow, now it sounds like coffee porn. Maybe I DO have a problem.

  11. Awesome. Coffee may have been the only thing you and I had in common, so now I can go back to being friends with you again. No more awkward silence in the room.

  12. This is hysterical. 🙂
    Really, why would you give up such a sacred ritual such as the morning coffee break. The one that truly keeps us human, and reigns us in from the Dark Side. (plus, why would you do that to your family and co-workers???) Enjoy this last bastion of human ritual that should never be challenged. Just give it a few months and the medical journals will praise the benefits of excess caffeine. They are a fickle bunch…

    1. Lol! That is so true, Mary Michelle. ALL of it!

      My grandfather wanted to make a T-shirt that said:
      “Mom’s Apple Pie Causes Cancer.”

      I will never part from coffee again. Especially with my apple pie.

      1. Amen friend! Stay strong, and keep with the things that make you strong. Funny stuff on your blog- i am really enjoying it.

  13. I’m surprised your hair still stands up without all of that coffee. I didn’t realize it was a style choice, I figured it was a really strong caffeine buzz.

  14. I decided to go on a 12-week body makeover thingy, which is not the point of the comment. Part of this challenge is no alcohol. Discussing this idea with my family I raised the concern that the most difficult part would be to give up red wine. I LOVE red wine.

    My dad replied flatly: “So do you have a problem we need to know about?”

    I flushed red, like the wine I was holding at the time.

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