Those of you who have a cat, please raise your hand…
WOW! Look at those scratch marks! But we’ll get to that in a minute.
Sadly, many of you probably noticed yesterday that I didn’t post this week’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing, which is when I share pearls of writing wisdom gained from 16 years as shucking a columnist.
*crickets*
Anyway, the reason was because our office server was down the entire day. That left me with some idle time, which I spent learning how to use a new sound recording app. For me, this is like calculating a trajectory to Mars. I’m not a technological thinker. In fact, even with those little symbols in our TV remote, I still get the batteries in backwards half the time and end up turning off our neighbor’s pacemaker.
So, what does any of this have to do with CATS, you ask? First, if you still have your hand raised, feel free to put it down now.
Secondly, just for fun, I thought I’d try something a little different by giving a short audio preview of this Monday’s upcoming column/blog post:
Just What We Need: Intoxicated Cats
Without giving away too much, the column is about a new Japanese wine made specifically for felines. In this snippet, I’m comparing the names of cat foods to dog foods as an example of how we’ve already accepted a certain level of servitude to our cats, who are already indifferent while sober…
Will I make this a regular thing? Perhaps. Or maybe more importantly, will my cat hear this and attack me in my sleep?
Both are distinct possibilities…
Ned's Blog 
LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!! I snorted coffee through my nose, which made the cats run for cover. I will definitely be back to read your post about cat wine. I heard of this a few weeks ago and, in an instant, decided my male cat doesn’t need to be any more loopy than he already is. By the way, I feed my cats Blue Wilderness. Hmmmmm…what’s your take on that?
Coffee snorting is always my comedic yardstick, so Thanks! Looking forward to seeing you monday 😉
Blue Wilderness: Because cats originally came from the wild and they’re not going back.
Reblogged this on Mary J Melange and commented:
For all of you Caturday people, this is a good one from a very funny guy.
Raising my hand, here…FOUR times! I love this post, Ned, and I really enjoyed hearing your voice! I sincerely hope you’ll have more sound bites for us in future posts…it was FUN! Reblogging on The Write Stuff, just for the heck of it, and because I think it will make make everyone smile today.
Thanks, Marcia! It was a fun experiment I’m definitely thinking about doing again.
The audio, not more cats.
If you ever change your mind, I know where you can get a couple…cheap. I won’t part with Harry Blackstone Copperfield Dresden or Sgt. Karrin Murphy, but Smelly Cat and Ancient Decrepit One would love a change of scenery. I’m sure Suislaw would be just their cup of cream. 😀
Haha! As enticing as “Ancient Decrepit One” and “Smelly Cat” sound, I think I’ll stick with the comfortable ration of animals here in the Hickson household = 1 cat, two dogs.
Even then, we’re still outnumbered by our cat.
Dang. You figured it out. You’re smarter than you look, Young Ned! Most people have to take a look at those two cats…or catch a whiff…before they run away. 😉
I get that a lot, actually… 😉
People figuring out you’re smarter than you look? Or taking one look and running away? On a side note, I once told someone who was obviously lying to me that I was smarter than I looked, and they were profusely apologetic. “Oh, I know that!” Like, “No one could be THAT dumb.” 😀
Reblogged this on The Write Stuff and commented:
Love Ned’s post today. Check it out for a good chuckle, and see what Ned sounds like, too. 🙂
It helps to remember that dogs have owners. Cats have staff.
Ha! And we are staff that can be replaced! 😉
ahahaha!
Thanks for reading — and listening! Hope to see you Monday 😉
Dude! Add some vid to that sound.
I don’t think people are ready for that kind of “Ned” experience…
Best. Title. Ever. I was afraid to read the post for fear it wouldn’t live up to the promise, but recorded sound bites of funny? You’re a techno guru!
Thanks, Peg! It’smy greatest technological achievement aside from programing our Blue Ray!
Old Yeller just about killed me this morning. Coffee hurts much less than raspberries when being shot out of my nostrils at killer velocity. Thanks for that!!
I’m so glad to hear that, Susan! I’m trying to make this a more user-friendly, less physically intrusive blog-reading experience in 2015 😉
You sure know how to unfailingly make me blow whatever liquid I’m ingesting back out through my nostrils! Youve got it down to an art, Ned! !!!! Hugs
HA! I always begin each post by asking myself: “How can I improve the nose-trajectory experience for readers?”
Thanks for the hugs 😉
I’m a former kitty owner but had to give them up because of my husband’s very serious allergy. They have a good home but I miss them terribly.
It’s good you kept your husband, Lynette. And I’m glad they went to a good home, but as much as I kid about it, cats are cool 😉
Don’t tell them I said that…
They are cool, but it was no contest. Had to keep my hubby! 🙂
Amazing! Not so much your post…but that 33% of commenters have SNS
(Shooting Nostril Syndrome). We could be facing a epidemic. I’m reporting this to the ABA (American Booger Association).
I recommend others who haven’t contacted this dubious disease keep their jetty pot on full alert, and of course your hands for 20 minutes every time one sneezes. Stay healthy. – Jim H.
That’s one reason I tell people to never read this blog while at a salad bar…
You’re voice! You need to be an audio book reader. “Read by Ned Hickson.” Imagine the sale!
Thanks, Melanie 😉 I’m still working on getting James Earl Jones, though…
not sure that nacho my cat not the food, would do well on the wine, he is already a bit off, like most creatures i enjoy in the world. i think listening to yoko ono’s solos might have the same effect.
Hahaha! Yoko Ono solos and cats in heat sound disturbingly similar.
Bwavhahaaaaa!
Oops sorry there’s a misplaced V in my guffaw…
That happens to me sometimes, there’s a cream for that.
HAHA!
That happened to me once during a game of “Operation.”
I thought the “v” was actually a nice touch, Darla.
1) Cats are evil!
2) You’re one brilliant mammal, Ned Hickson.
But so cute they can get away with murder 😉
You’re too kind, Robert. I’ve actually been outsmarted by my evil cat.
A+ for annunciation! B+ for the manly deep voice for the dog food names.
B+ for manliness…. really? B+?!?
YESSSSSSSSS! *fist pumps*
That was hilarious. I never thought about the pet food names. I suspect whoever came up with Old Yeller as a name either never saw the movie and is only vaguely aware it had a dog in it, or is a cat fan.
Maybe they have repressed the memory of what happened to Old Yeller, like I have repressed any memory of Justin Bieber.
It would be really funny if you added some fart sounds in there.
Are you offering?
I’ll send you my audition tape.
No need to make it in stereo, please.
Surround sound, buddy. Surround sound. Nothing butt the best for my buddy Neddy.
I appreciate that, Steve. As long as there’s no Smell-O-Vision.
I actually heard them *crickets*! Yes, sir, I do love the power of words! And as a cat and dog lover (a rare breed in itself am I), I think those food names are apt. Dogs can be trained to do what we want them to and cats? Cats will give us ‘the look’ and let us know what we can do with the training idea.
I’ve definitely seen that look. From our cat and children.
HA! I bet you have! :p
This was awesome on so many levels. First of all, I’m glad that I can lower my hand now as the only question on my mind was “Where was NWOW? I have a book to finish, gosh darn it!”
Secondly, cats will forever provide ample content for future posts, photography and internet memes…I even accidently put one in my tomorrow’s post.
Finally…how did you get your voice to draw those squiggly line bars that resemble a Richter scale graph? I’m kind of impressed!
Thanks, Michelle! And make no mistake, a cat being in tomorrow’s post is no accident. You have been manipulated. Possibly even hypnotized. I’d start pulling the catnip from the garden.
And those squiggly bars? You should see what they do when I make fart sounds!
HIGHLarious! I’m Laughing… Because only true cat owners can relate. We just put our last kitty to sleep back in November and he was– ahem.. 19 1/2 years old! Yes you read that right! I still have my two puppy dogs but we are done with kitty kats. He was my daughter’s kitty and she went away to college in 2008, we had custody. I wouldn’t/really couldn’t let her have him at school. Never really been a cat person but we have had a couple of good cats and the first one we lost at just shy of 16 was amazing! Loved him! But no more kitties…
ps..is that really your voice?? if so, that is kind of cool!!! Got a face and now a voice to go with it! 😉
Truth be told, I’ve always had a dog and cat; never been without one of each. I have to say, though, 19 1/2 years?! That’s worth at least 18 cat lives! Amazing!
And yes, that’s my voice; raw and unplugged. Well, actually, my nose was a little plugged…
Arrggh. Sorry that last comment disappeared into the margins! Don’t know how to fix it, I’m afraid. 😦
No worries, Marcia! 😉
Mellifluous.
That’s French, right?
No, fool. It’s that movie with Angelina Jolie!
Oh right! Tomb Raider!
I like the name Kibbles & Bits! Bits of what, you may ask?
Unless it’s bacon bits, I’d rather not know…