Don’t forget the cat when taking down your Christmas tree

imageFor our family, packing up the Christmas decorations is never easy. Not only because it means the official end of the holiday season, but also because it means it’s time to pry the cat out of the Christmas tree.

What makes this process especially difficult is sap. You see, it’s not until after spending the better part of December attached to the mid-section of our tree that our cat realizes she can no longer retract her claws.

A few years ago, this actually resulted in a front page story in the National Inquirer under the headline:

Holiday Tree sprouts CAT TUMOR!

It’s not like we haven’t tried to keep this tragedy from happening. In fact, we’ve even taken our cat to a pet psychologist, thinking that maybe she suffers from a traumatic experience that is somehow triggered by the site of Christmas trees — such as an unresolved conflict with a strand of tinsel.  Continue reading

Television for cats: just one more reason not to have cable

Cat with remote If you have a cat, I’m sure you’ve heard about the world’s first TV program specifically designed for cats. This groundbreaking show premiered — ironically — on the Oxygen Network, which demonstrates what can happen when creative minds are allowed to collaborate freely and openly in a room that is actually being deprived of oxygen. That’s the only explanation I have for some of the things I saw on this show; things like cats doing yoga. Cat haiku. And a cat that eats with chopsticks.

Yes, I said a cat that eats with chopsticks.

As you might’ve guessed, the cat I saw doing this was Siamese, which is a breed known for its intelligence. I watched in amazement as Ying-Yow (which is Cantonese for “always hungry”) demonstrated his supreme cognitive skills by using chopsticks fitted with special “booties” to eat a mixture of dry cat food and squid. As impressive as this was, he still isn’t as smart as our cat, which would have simply run away to find a new family.

But not before breaking his chopsticks in half and shoving them into the nearest “booty.” Continue reading

Just when you thought it was safe to go back into The Bat Cave

I should preface this movie trailer for my upcoming film, “The Shadow of Batman,” by assuring you there will not be any fighting with Superman.

Nor was Ben Affleck allowed anywhere near a Batsuit.

In fact, the lead role is portrayed by a relative unknown. And by “relative unknown,” I mean a family member unknown to anyone who doesn’t already follow this blog. The following trailer offers a glimpse of how we’ve returned to the more kitty gritty, mysterious caped crusader of the orgininal comic book — when the mere shadow of Batman was enough to send villains scurrying like mice…

For more on this, and a brand new music video by the multi-talented blogger Gunmetal Geisha, we have joined forces for today’s post over at Long Awkward Pause!

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This is 29 seconds neither my cat or I will ever get back

I realize many of you have to come expect very high-brow, sophisticated posts here. In fact, it is often referred to as “the thinking man’s humor blog.” Maybe not in so many words, but I know what people are getting at when they comment: “Farting is so FUNNY!”

But today’s post is a deviation (see the kind of vocabulary I’m talking about?) from the regular. It is a short exploritory video that, in fact, expresses that I have my occasional moments of irregularity.

It might also explain why our cat sometimes poops in my shoes…

Please don’t judge me.

(I actually meant the cat.)

And speaking of beer for dogs…

image By now we’ve all heard about the new Japanese wine for felines. If you haven’t, it could explain why your cat has started using your favorite shoes as a litter box. Not to point fingers, but I did write about this a few weeks ago, so you only have yourself to blame. Or at least, that’s probably what you cat would tell you.

Regardless, since then I have receieved dozens of emails about what some see as discrimination against canines for not providing them with their own special libation. As it turns out, they have. And as you might expect, I’d be the one to hear about it — which is why it will be the topic of this Monday’s upcoming post:

Cats May Have Their Own Wine, But Bowser Can Crack Open a Brewsky

As with every Friday, here is an audio preview of this Moday’s post. (Warning: For those of you with cats, I’d advise against letting them hear this)… Continue reading

Just what we need: intoxicated cats

image As if we didn’t have enough to worry about with North Korea, ISIS and the very real threat of another Justin Bieber album, now we can add “drunken cats” to our terrorist watch list. That’s right. Because it’s not like cats didn’t already have enough attitude, right?

Thanks to Japanese manufacturer B&H Lifes, cats can now get drunk and REALLY disagreeable while drinking a new wine developed specifically for the feline palette.

According to B&H Lifes, the wine is made from a combination of Cabernet grapes and catnip, two flavors cats find irresistible — and the second of which manufacturers explain “helps cats release their inhibitions.”

Apparently cat inhibition is a big problem in Japan. Continue reading

The sound and the furry (or why my cat may kill me)

imageThose of you who have a cat, please raise your hand…

WOW! Look at those scratch marks! But we’ll get to that in a minute.

Sadly, many of you probably noticed yesterday that I didn’t post this week’s Nickel’s Worth on Writing, which is when I share pearls of writing wisdom gained from 16 years as shucking a columnist.

*crickets*

Anyway, the reason was because our office server was down the entire day. That left me with some idle time, which I spent learning how to use a new sound recording app. For me, this is like calculating a trajectory to Mars. I’m not a technological thinker. In fact, even with those little symbols in our TV remote, I still get the batteries in backwards half the time and end up turning off our neighbor’s pacemaker.

So, what does any of this have to do with CATS, you ask? First, if you still have your hand raised, feel free to put it down now. Continue reading

Six reasons cats deserve a Long Awkward Pause

Hello! You’ve reached Ned Hickson at Ned’s Blog. I’m not here right now because I’m with the rest of the staff at Long Awkward Pause for The Saturday Six, commenting on six items which — like a family-run truck stop in the Ozarks — are awkward and loosely related. This week’s topic? Those annoying pictures of cats copying humans! The NERVE!

For example…

1. The Nutcracker

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Omawarisan: Both the cat and the guy display considerable skill by getting their bodies into this position. I could not do it. Perhaps what I mean by that is that I could not find a good reason to do it.

Ned: I actually performed a similar move once, when I tried running through a sprinkler while carrying an actual cat. By the time I was done getting scratched, I had about the same amount of clothing left, too.

Chris: I could get into that position easily. Getting out of it is another story.

Calahan: Ah, the infamous invisible tug o’war of 2011 between Mr. Six Pack Abby and Mr. Tabby. I lost a lot of money on that game. I had fake my own death for insurance money.

(Love cats? Hate cats? Cat got your tongue? That’s ok! Fancy Feast your eyes on five more awkward copy cats by joining me over at… LAP!)