Ask just about any man, and he’ll tell you this past week has been a tough one thanks to the triple-threat of Valentine’s Day, the release of 50 Shades of Grey AND (What’s my safe word!) confirmation of Magic Mike XXL — which I assume means the other 29 sequels to Magic Mike must’ve gone straight to DVD?
Whatever the case, producers say Magic Mike’s plan for a major release everywhere in July is firm, and any talk of an earlier release would be premature — and only through a soft opening.
My point is, all this talk has many men a bit shellshocked from trying to measure up to the unrealistic standards set by Christian Grey and Magic Mike. Especially while trying to compete with the experience of IMAX 3D and THX Surround Sound. Sadly, this has prompted some men to try duplicating the movie experience by using a Mr. Microphone and providing their lovers with a magnifying glass.
So before this gets any more out of control, I will attempt to be the voice of treason… oops, I mean reason!… in this Monday’s upcoming post:
After 50 Shades of Magic Mike, men are trying to recover their manhood
As with every Friday, here’s an audio “sneak peak” of this Monday’s post:
https://soundcloud.com/ned-hickson/50-shades-of-magic-mike
So I hope you’ll join me here or at Long Awkward Pause on Monday for an informative look at the average man’s psyche which, as most men will confess, is exceptionally large…
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(Ned Hickson is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His first book, Humor at the Speed of Life, is available from Port Hole Publications, Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble.)
Ned's Blog 
Oh, the euphemisms were flying… love it.
Will definitely be here with you on Monday. xo
Wouldn’t miss it for the world.
Unless I’m doing laundry…
I’d wipe down that Mr. Microphone, too…
Huh? What euphemisms…?
Thanks and I’ll see you Monday 😉
Men can buy one or twelve of these and they’ll be good to go!
goo.gl/uQivpo I see another post in your future….
Haha! I’d like to think I actually perform better without the performance underwear on.
Actually, it’s a gut girdle for men. It’s the answer to spanx for women!
Actually, my 15-year-old son has a couple of pair for football. He calls them “compression shorts.” I told him he has nothing to compress unless it’s his farts…
Hahahahahahha! *inhale* Hahahahaha!
Hopefully this link works –
https://www.underarmour.com/en-us/shop-by-fit/compression?cid=PS|google|Generic|US|IP|Phrase|compression%20shirts|P1CRAocn&gclid=CjwKEAiA05unBRCymrGilanF9SwSJACqDFRmBYVyZFl916Dh61WhTl06zxUuSF46kKfcWt6JvVVX3xoCt9zw_wcB
Women surrender? Think of our own needs, hmm. I don’t have enough hands for how many times my husband has said “what about my needs? Blowjob”
Hahahaha! Maybe you shouldn’t use your hands? *cough cough*
I just spit my tea all over the computer laughing hard at this one. Wasn’t able to swallow a drop.
Let me guess: 50 Shades of Earle Grey?
Still wiping the tea off my chin.
Then I guess my work is done here 😉
lmao
Umm … Measuring up? Blowjob hands? Could the measuring up be why there’s hands involved? And btw, it’s getting kind of warm around here. Could someone open a window? 😉
I’d like to point out I’m just an innocent bystander! And kind of an instigator I suppose…
Roman numerals are larger than they appear.
Figures.
I’m Danish…
Simply being jelly-filled could also mean you’re a doughnut…don’t limit yourself!
Man, I walked right into that one!
PS I’ve been meaning to talk to you about that pastry complexion!
Be careful… I have a bear claw.
ha! Reminds me of a WWII joke about the Russians. The Americans were sending war materiel to the Russians fighting Hitler in northern Europe. It was pretty much a carte blanche as Russians soldiers were dying keeping Hitler busy while Anericans made inroads on other fronts. So, the Americans received an huge order for 15 inch condoms to be shipped to the Russians. They manufactured the condoms, packed them, stamped them “MEDIUM” and shipped them to the Russian front. Ha!
As an aside Ned, i just did a guest post over at Cordelia’s Mom. I would be honored if you had the time time to drop by for a read. http://cordeliasmomstill.com/2015/02/19/the-learning-curve-guest-post-by-paul-curran/#comments Thanks so much. 😀
HAHAHA! What a great story! If they were ribbed they might’ve been useful as tank tracks.
And thanks for the heads-up, Paul! I’m on deadline today but will definitely pop over later today or this weekend 😉
I’m not intimidated by either of these movies…both Magic Mike and 50 Shades take about 2 hours to disappoint a woman. I can do that in under 3 minutes!
They say older men make better lovers, so I guess that’s about right. Not that I’m speaking from experience —on either count.
i’ve had to wipe down my whole computer just reading this.
Wow! Usually, people only have to do that after watching… uh… nevermind.
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