After 50 Shades of Magic Mike, men are trying to recover their manhood

image It was a tough week for the male persuasion. However, now that the 50 Shades of dust has settled, men are emerging from the proverbial rubble a bit shellshocked and checking for survivors. Not only did we go head-to-head with the release of 50 Shades, we were also flanked by Valentine’s Day AND word of a release date for “Magic Mike XXL.”

We were out manned. Out gunned. And when compared to Christian Grey, in most cases we were probably… well, out maneuvered.

In the aftermath of this three-pronged attack on our general manhood, only the strong have survived. Plus maybe that guy too busy playing Assassin’s Creed in his mother’s basement. Whatever the case, men are now regrouping for a counter offensive. Something that will “shock and awe” the women in our lives into surrendering — at least in terms of the totally unrealistic expectations that have now been set for us men.

Yes, we realize trying to live up to an unrealistic standard of beauty and sexuality is a daily occurrence for women everywhere.

Yes, we know men are largely responsible for this.

But will you please stop thinking about yourselves and your own needs for one minute? Sheesh! Besides, this is totally different because, uh… we’re men. And if that isn’t enough of an explanation, consider the fact that in most cases we haven’t had to face our blatant inability to measure up since showering in high school gym class. (More at Long Awkward Pause!)

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Ned's Blog

I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writer’s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...

34 thoughts on “After 50 Shades of Magic Mike, men are trying to recover their manhood”

  1. Aw hell… “shock and awe” coming straight for us. (for the record, Aint nobody got time for Christian Grey and his insecurities)

    1. I think what we men fear is that the “shock and awe” might be more of a look of shock, then “awwwww, how cute!”

      And yeah, any guy who needs that much control in the bedroom has insecurity issues. And… drives a really small Lexus.

    1. Fortunately for me, my wife is among them. At least I think that’s what she meant when she said “Why would I pay $8 to see something I can see at home?”

      She might’ve meant waiting until it comes on Netflix…

  2. There is nothing threatening for men in 50 Shades, believe me. I read the books a few weeks back to see what all the fuss was about, they are garbage (I ended up flicking through and only read the first few pages of the last one) and so was the movie a friend dragged me to. There’s nothing remotely appealing about a man who has to abuse to get off!

    1. While I poke fun at this situation by being satirical, I honestly don’t think another movie displaying a certain level of abuse to women — written by a woman or not — is the right message. I would be curious to see if Hollywood would’ve been so eager to make it into a film if Christian Grey was “Christina Grey” instead.

      1. Well, it’s hard not to poke fun is it?! And that is exactly what I have been saying, if it had been written by a man and the woman was the dominant it would be seen as just sick. It’s funny because I have heard several times on the news that hardware stores are experiencing a huge swell of “hardware” sales – this from a poor story line, poor writing style and bullshit!

        1. At the risk of sounding like a prudish woman, let me say that I HATED FSOG – the book and the movie. Ugh.
          Christian Grey ain’t got nothing on either of you guys. At first, I was simply jealous that such poor writing could make millions. (You know how catty us women are).
          In the end, the movie didn’t speak to me either. Whips and chains and spankings…booooooring!
          Coming home to a hot husband with twinkly blue eyes and devilish smile on his face (I was gone 5 days this week)…now, THAT’S hot.
          I have sneaking suspicion that your wives would agree 😉

                1. Hey…if it makes you feel any better – us chicks don’t have it any easier. For 27 straight years, my Valentine’s Day gift to Mr. Terry has always been the Sports Illustrated Swimsuit edition. Funny how that always comes our right before V-day!

  3. I feel confident that I may or may not have read or seen other books or movies that did a better job of portraying the subject matter and relationship dynamic (which should in no way be interpreted as my endorsement of such literature, subject matter, or behavior of any person, living or dead), than 50 Shades. I will wait for Netflix to confirm that.

    This is hilarious, insightful. Don’t know how I missed it. Well done.

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