After 50 Shades of Magic Mike, men are trying to recover their manhood

image It was a tough week for the male persuasion. However, now that the 50 Shades of dust has settled, men are emerging from the proverbial rubble a bit shellshocked and checking for survivors. Not only did we go head-to-head with the release of 50 Shades, we were also flanked by Valentine’s Day AND word of a release date for “Magic Mike XXL.”

We were out manned. Out gunned. And when compared to Christian Grey, in most cases we were probably… well, out maneuvered.

In the aftermath of this three-pronged attack on our general manhood, only the strong have survived. Plus maybe that guy too busy playing Assassin’s Creed in his mother’s basement. Whatever the case, men are now regrouping for a counter offensive. Something that will “shock and awe” the women in our lives into surrendering β€” at least in terms of the totally unrealistic expectations that have now been set for us men.

Yes, we realize trying to live up to an unrealistic standard of beauty and sexuality is a daily occurrence for women everywhere.

Yes, we know men are largely responsible for this.

But will you please stop thinking about yourselves and your own needs for one minute? Sheesh! Besides, this is totally different because, uh… we’re men. And if that isn’t enough of an explanation, consider the fact that in most cases we haven’t had to face our blatant inability to measure up since showering in high school gym class. (More at Long Awkward Pause!)

34 thoughts on “After 50 Shades of Magic Mike, men are trying to recover their manhood

  1. Aw hell… “shock and awe” coming straight for us. (for the record, Aint nobody got time for Christian Grey and his insecurities)

    • I think what we men fear is that the “shock and awe” might be more of a look of shock, then “awwwww, how cute!”

      And yeah, any guy who needs that much control in the bedroom has insecurity issues. And… drives a really small Lexus.

  2. There is nothing threatening for men in 50 Shades, believe me. I read the books a few weeks back to see what all the fuss was about, they are garbage (I ended up flicking through and only read the first few pages of the last one) and so was the movie a friend dragged me to. There’s nothing remotely appealing about a man who has to abuse to get off!

    • While I poke fun at this situation by being satirical, I honestly don’t think another movie displaying a certain level of abuse to women β€” written by a woman or not β€” is the right message. I would be curious to see if Hollywood would’ve been so eager to make it into a film if Christian Grey was “Christina Grey” instead.

  3. I feel confident that I may or may not have read or seen other books or movies that did a better job of portraying the subject matter and relationship dynamic (which should in no way be interpreted as my endorsement of such literature, subject matter, or behavior of any person, living or dead), than 50 Shades. I will wait for Netflix to confirm that.

    This is hilarious, insightful. Don’t know how I missed it. Well done.

No one is watching, I swear...

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