For the time being, it seems major news outlets like ABC, CBS, NBC and The 700 Club have backed off in their pursuit of an exclusive on The Door (of Shame Blame and Brilliance) here in our newsroom. It’s been more than a week since Barbara Walters has called and threatened to “DESTWOY your CAWEERS!” And thanks to a case of hemorrhoids, Morley Safer has stopped faxing us images of his rear, which were starting to resemble a topographical map of civil war battle sites.
We’ve also heard nothing from Anderson Cooper, who seemed to lose interest in what he called “Possibly the most important piece of journalistic history since Chris Cuomo” once he discovered the other side of The Door had a commode instead of a closet.
So let us continue on as we do each Tuesday, and highlight an example of journalistic shame, blame or brilliance from The Door, which reporters have been contributing to for nearly 40 years in an effort to preserve history and, thanks to four decades of glue and tape, keep The Door from collapsing in on itself.
But before revealing today’s artifact, we must participate in the sacred tradition established by the the very first journalists (to smoke something other than tobacco) by joining hands and repeating the following phrase in a monotoned voice similar to any teenager on vacation with their parents:
“The Door is a beacon, drawing us into the jagged rocks of journalism.”
Today, we have an example of photo-journalism at its finest, demonstrating how a well-composed image can sometimes help illustrate what words can’t — possibly because it would be too gross. This clipping comes from our own newspaper in 2008, when a man attempted to pick up his Papa Murphy’s pizza a little quicker by making his own drive-thru. Thankfully, no one was seriously injured in the incident…
…However, upon closer inspection it appears an injury is about to occur after the incident, depending on how deep one bystander is willing to dig for answers.
Because I frequent this particular location, I’m happy to say this person doesn’t actually work there. If she does, you can forget about me ordering anything with pesto sauce…
(Note: This is the final entry in what has been a month-long retrospective of The Door, which was the very first regular feature on this blog. If closing The Door makes you sad, let me know! I could be persuaded to hold it open a little longer because, hey — I’m a gentleman!)
30 thoughts on “That time Barbara Walters couldn’t get a handle on our newsroom door”
We Need More Door! We need More Door! Surely this can’t be the last Door feature – tell me it ain’t so. ha! Funny post ned When i was driving tractor trailer amny moons ago, I happened upon an accident at about 6 am in a small town called Lynn, outside of Boston. There was a big dairy there called, naturally, Lynn Dairies. One of their big tandem delivery trucks, fully loaded had come to a “T” intersection and had been going too fast to turn. He had shot across the street, over a lawn and had driven in the front door of the house, burying the truck so deep into the living room that only the back half of of the box protruded from the building. On the back corner of the truck was written “We Do Home Deliveries” Bwahahaha!
HAHaHa! Man, what I wouldn’t have given for a photo of that!
It was during the 80’s and a picture made it onto the front page of the newspaper there.
“I WAS JUST SCRATCHING!” – girl in photo
My kids used to say the same thing.
It was clearly a pick.
I never tire of Door stories. Fling that baby open … unless the restroom happens to be occupied.
Lol! I always knock first.
THEN fling it open…
Stellar advice. Thank you.
But it’s Wednesday. Right? Right? Are you living in a different time zone? Is that why Barb can’t get through? Or maybe you’re in a dome. 😉
Fun piece, especially the gold-mining photo. 🙂
Barbara is so powerful, she can even change time!
That happens in our newspaper all the time. They catch the person with their mouth open with an awkward pose. Can’t say I’ve seen any nosepickers though….
We’re just lucky that way…
“Hold the doow…..hold the fucking doow…….for the wuve of God.” ~ Barbara Walters
HAHAHAHAHA! OK, Bawbwa!
I should have pwopewy signed that Bawbwa Wawa….. 😀
No pwobwem. I was weasonabwy shew it was the weew Bawbwa 😉
Lol….or should that be wow now?? I’m so confused.
Lol! Vanna, I’d like to buy a “w” please.
More door and no one gets hurt
More Door… isn’t that from Lord of the Rings?
Maybe Pink Floyd “How can you have more door when you ain’t ate your meat.”
Maybe pick Floyd. “How can you have more door when you haven’t eaten your meat?”
thank you for this, i was just craving a large pizza but have decided to just have a glass of water instead. i’ll consider this a public service announcement.
Always glad to help 😉
Ugh boogers! Yes leave the door open a little longer. Maybe her boogers and help it stick open!
“Barbara boogers” does have a ring to it 😉
See I’m always thinking..I’ve got your back.
Oh, that Babs…
“There are the things known… The things unknown… And in-between.. is The Door.”
(I haven’t slept.)