(Today, I’m posting from the Long Awkward Pause science desk, which I believe gets its name from the fact that it’s also our lunch table — where there are globs of unidentified organisms…)
Scientists at Cornell University have created a device capable of measuring the weight of a single cell. This is big news because it moves us beyond the limits of sub-gram measurements “nano,” “pico” and “femto,” and into an exciting new realm of measurements known as “zeppo,” “harpo” and “groucho.” This could eventually lead to the smallest and least-known unit of measure, “chico.”
Many of you are probably wondering how useful this information really is when it seems most things — cars, houses, Americans in general — are actually getting bigger. Personally, I see no benefit in being able to describe my weight as “a little over 70 trillion harpo-grams.”
Nor do I want to be around when my wife discovers, after eating that extra helping of potato salad this July Fourth, that she not only gained back the 17 trillion zeppo-grams she’d lost, but also put on an extra two billion grouchos. It doesn’t matter that all of this adds up to less than a single uncooked lima bean. What matters is that I make the potato salad, and will therefore be held responsible. (More at LAP)
i never want to weigh a trillion anything. . . you are scaring people, ned.
😉
Just call me the “Stephen King” of microbial humor.
i would like to describe my weight as a google-plex of happy and chubby cells.
I hear you. I’m hoping to slim down to a duplex by summer.
Initially, I read “globs of unidentied orgasms” and so I’m not sure if I shouldn’t backtrack and try to start the day over. But nevertheless, I believe in the Nedkins diet. You know what they say – ya gotta start small before you get big. Did I just say that? I think I do need to start the day over … 😉
Very funny as always. And full Marx for the “zeppo,” “harpo” and “groucho” gags.
Thanks, Anthony! Sadly, I that joke is about one generation removed from anyone actually getting it 😉
Unidentified organisms?
Maybe you’ll get superpowers, Ned.
Or not.
I’m pretty sure I wouldn’t want any of the “superpowers” associated with what’s on that table.