The reason our newspaper won’t let me do its radio ads ever again

image It was a little before 8 a.m. when I got a text from my editor, telling me she forgot to let me know I was supposed to do a radio spot for the newspaper. Our annual Rhododendron Festival is coming up this weekend (Yes, you’re all invited!) and our newspaper is a premier sponsor of the festival.

Me: [What time?]
Editor: [Be at radio station in 15 minutes]

The last time the newspaper asked me to do a radio spot was about five years ago. That’s when I introduced the slogan:

Siuslaw News: Your Source for Local News. Twice Weekly. Unless We Lose Count…

They haven’t let me near a mic since then.

Naturally, I was suprised to find out they wanted me to give it another shot. As I drove to the radio station, I began to wonder if I’d been informed at the last minute ON PURPOSE!

“Catch him off guard and he won’t have time to say something stupid or embarrassing,” I could hear my editor say.

HA! Don’t they know by now I can say something stupid at any time?

When I got to the station, KCST 106.9 FM, I was told there was no script. “Just have fun with it,” the technician told me.

So I did.

I’d like to preface this by explaining that Florence was voted the best place to retire in the U.S. by AARP about five years ago. As a result, we had a population explosion of sorts as retirees flocked here. Thankfully, there’s been a lot of “turnover,” so even though the exodus continues we have reached a point of equalibrium, i.e., we have “stabilized” (a word used often around here) with about 45 percent of the population age 55 and older. I’d also like to say the last part of this was only meant for the studio and NOT for the airwaves. It was early and I still hadn’t had my coffee yet.

Plus I got stuck behind an elderly driver all the way through town…


Needless to say, this will likely be my final radio spot for Siuslaw News. And by that, I mean because I will probably be run over by a retiree at some point during the festival.


(Ned Hickson is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation. His first book, Humor at the Speed of Life, is available from Port Hole Publications, or Barnes & Noble.)

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Ned's Blog

I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writer’s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...

37 thoughts on “The reason our newspaper won’t let me do its radio ads ever again”

  1. Huh. Well maybe you’ll get lucky and they will take liver-spotted gnarled fingers as a compliment.

  2. I kept waiting for the “what’s wrong with the spot”… and you definitely delivered πŸ™‚

    So, if I change my dating strategy to go for the Anna Nicole Smith method, I should come to where you are, it seems.

  3. I think I drove through your town back in the ’80s. Sounds like I’m about the right age to go back (loads walker, cane, rolling walker, and 18 pairs of over-the-eyeglasses shades into car).

  4. You start off giving us the image of your rummbly tummy (and goodness knows where that will lead) and you end with liver spots, something we all get to look forward to as we age. Well done!

No one is watching, I swear...

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