One of the advantages of being on the radio is there’s a certain amount of anonymity. You’re never going to be in the grocery store and have someone behind you say,”HEY! Didn’t I see you on the radio? What you said about fruitcake was a disgrace! I LOVE FRUITCAKE! I’m heading to the express line so I can meet you in the parking lot, Mr. Funny Man!”
It’s true there’s always a chance someone could recognize your voice in the grocery store. Which is why radio personalities use a special “radio voice” on air that’s different from their normal speaking voice. For example, many people don’t known it but off the air Howard Stearn sounds a lot like Elmer Fudd.
It’s true. I once heard an off-air tape of Stearn in the studio asking for some visiting strippers to take their tops off…
“Pweeze wadies, pweeze. I’m feewing wike I need to see your bweasts…”
Given that my guest appearance on “The San Francisco Jack” show was my first radio experience to last longer than a few minutes, I was too busy trying not to choke on my own spit or get tangled in my headphones to worry about using a “radio voice” for the hour-long interview on KXCR.
But I figured, “Hey, it’s not like anyone saw me, right?”
Wrong.
Part of the show was taped for a short online promo. The good news is that only my profile is visible. The bad news? My large nose makes that profile rather… distinct. So I’d like to apologize in advance to anyone who might be in line behind me at the store. I swear I’m not staring. I just don’t want to take a chance showing my profile to any fruticake lovers.
Especially if they’re in the express lane.
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(Ned Hickson is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation and a member of the writing team at Long Awkward Pause. His first book, Humor at the Speed of Life, is available from Port Hole Publications, Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble. Disclaimer: Even if you choose Ned’s book for summer reading, you should still use sunscreen.)
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And the rocket’s red glare (MY EYES!), the bombs bursting in air (AHHH! MY FINGER!), gave proof thru the night (HIC! WHAT PROOF IS THIS?) that our flag was (MY HAIR!)
I don’t want to say we were clumsy with fireworks, but we had a dog named Sparky…for all of 17 minutes!
Back when I was a kid, my favourite was the burning school house. I was 32 before I learned there was a firework called that, too.
I’m organizing a team for next year’s fireworks show here in Florence. Near the schoolhouse. You need to be on it, Randy (The team).
What, there’s still radio?
Yes, but you’ll need to switch to FM.
Yet another item on my “Problems I Hope To Have One Day” list…
I take it unsightly ear and nose hair isn’t on that list…?
Elmer Fudd and strippers. Now there’s two things I didn’t expect to see in the same sentence….
It’s a visual that’s hard to get rid of, isn’t it? There’s a support group forming.
This is the first time I’ve seen someone on radio – very impressive. You know some recreational drugs will do that too – let you see sounds and hear colors. Are you sure this is a real interview and not bad trip? Ha!
Actually Ned, your answers were excellent – you nailed that interview. Well done. You get the job – oh, wait, you already have the job – sorry. 😀
Thanks, Paul 😉
By the way, apparently bacon has the same effect on my senses as a recreational drug…
Baaaaaacon – ommmmm.
Baaacccoonnn!
I’ve heard of someone having a face for radio but never a shirt for radio. Until today.
Nicely done. Very smooth.
I wear my “I Do My Own Stunts” T-shirt when I need a confidence boost. It really helped on our honeymoon.
Oh expletive! I am dying….
Alabama has been the line which we Georgians crossed for alcohol on Sundays and fireworks, well, anytime. But times are a-changing! First it became legal to buy alcohol on Sundays (after 12:30), and then legal to buy fireworks, well, anytime. Next thing you know, the confederate flag will come down.
Oh, wait. That’s happening too. Welcome to the 20th Century Georgia!
On another note (and so you know I watched past the 30-second mark), while I was in Missouri (to prove your earlier point about MO fireworks) I was able to find, and purchased (for the adults) the original metal sparklers. Oh man! That was fun.
I’m so jealous, Melanie. About all of it!
But especially those metal sparklers 😉
We’re living the high life (if you have one of the 8 health conditions approved for medical marijuana).
Haha! Touché 😉
I’ve always said you have a face for radio, buddy…
(And I do too, of course.)
Sounds like we’re radio for our own radio show then.
You’re freakin funny. You really should have your own radio show! Have you ever thought of blog talk radio?
Thanks, Gibber. I’m actually talking with our local Public Radio station about doing a regular show. Or show on regularity. Or irregularity. Or something…
That’s awesome!!
Irregularity! Ha. Bacon will fix that period.
it could get dangerous with all that fruitcake available during the christmas season
Especially the fruitcake made by Acme Bricks.
You are just so stinkin’ funny! I can’t even breathe. Now that I work in Georgia once/week I’ll know to head over to Alabama when things get a little boring.
That happens here in Kansas – they have better fireworks and less teeth (SORRY Mizzou fans – I couldn’t resist!) I’m guessing the ‘less teeth’ is directly due to the fruitcake-producing monastery in SW Missouri – right where our friendship started 🙂
Our friendship always makes me smile, Michelle — with or without teeth 😉