As you may be aware, our son recently became the first of our four teenagers to get his driver’s permit. That leaves three more of our teens who will likely be entering the roadways over the next few years.
I’m sorry about that.
In fact, I’d like to apologize in advance for any mailboxes, trash cans or backyard swimminng pools that may be damaged in the future. And that’s just for my son. Once our other three get their permits, no one is going to be safe. At least once they dislodge themselves and the car from our garage door.
For those of you who might be facing a similar situation, or who are now reconsidering having children at all, I’d like to offer this short video sharing a few tips with parents on how to survive having a teen driver. It’s less than two minutes but it could save your life.
Especially if you’re driving anywhere near our neighborhood…
Ned's Blog 
I would suggest NOT buying him a “Bitchin Camaro” (If you are unfamiliar with The Dead Milkmen, I recommend it’s “Googlin’ Time.”
If anyone’s getting a bitchin’ Camaro, it’s ME!
Good answer!
This is hilarious. Loved it.
Four kids to teach how to drive? I’m one down and one to go, and that seems bad enough. May the force be with you.
Thanks, Carrie! I figure I’ll be a pro at this by the time it’s all over. Assuming I’m still alive.
I want a T-shirt that says “I had a teenage driver – and survived!” – and I did it 3 times. Yay for me!
I’m sending my teens to your house… with four more T-shirts of course…
Oh, oh. Time to move.
Whew. You poor bastard – 4 teens? Even your home life must be riddled with hormonally fired emotional tsunamis. I seem to recall when you moved that you mentioned the garage was going to be your private getaway – I hope that is working out, you’ll need it to scream out frustration, to cry in defeat or to organize your thoughts. And all that just around driver training.
I noticed in the video that there are some large rocks ahead of your cars in the driveway – you should consider covering them with shock absorbing foam in case of the wrong gear being chosen or an overshoot on high speed driveway entry. Ha!
May the force be with you Ned.
So far the garage is only a sanctuary for all the boxes we still haven’t unpacked. But some day… some day…
Until then, I’ll have to rely on all those boxes to absorb the impact if any of my kids drive through the wall.
Funny video, Ned. I live in Oregon. Mind posting a warning before you head out? Seriously, stay safe and avoid Portland’s crazy traffic patterns.
I lived in Portand for four years (Burnside area), and I’d rather rive there then anywhere my kids are… 😉
It’s a great town, but tough to drive in until you get used to the random stop signs, street cars, bicycles, pedestrians, one ways… Good luck with driving lessons. 🙂
I’m not sure if I should have sympathy for you. After all it was your wife’s choice and yours to have four kids. Right? Am I right? What were you thinking?
PS: I want a bitchin’ Camaro too.
YOU know what we were thinking… 😉
I feel your pain–I’ve got 16 year old twins. Forget collateral damage, my insurance went up 65% the minute they passed their tests.
I already told my son he had to get his own insurance.
And car.
And lawyer.
I had a really good laugh watching the video. Thank you for that.
I’ve been told I’m not the best driver, so I don’t know how much judgement I can pass. I’m not a BAD driver, I’m considered…an aggressive drive.
I didn’t learn to drive until I was an adult. Living in New York City. That should tell you how I drive.
Always my pleasure to give a laugh — intentionally or otherwise 😉
And as far as your driving, if we were in a zombie apocalypse it sounds like I’d want you behind the wheel.
You want me behind that wheel.
You NEED me behind that wheel.
YOU’RE GOD DAMNED RIGHT I DO!
I am surviving my now 16 year old son driving. However, I had him pull over the other day. It was time to teach him how to bind and gag his mother, then toss her in the trunk.
Did you say he was learning to drive or be a marriage counselor?
He is learning to be an Uber counselor.
Good choice; he’ll always find work.
I have October 2016 in the “When will Ned completely losing his mind?” pool. You are not going to survive four. No way.
I have October 2016 in the “When will Ned completely lose his mind?” pool. You are not going to survive four. No way. I’m pulling for you, brother, at least until October of next year.
Double or nothing?
If I win, I will donate half of my winnings to your auto insurance fund.
I think I may cry…
It’s just a silly phase you’re going through.
I didn’t think it was possible to truly survive having a teen driver…
“Surviving” may be too strong a word.
“In a world gone mad, a world overrun by hormone-powered vehicles, one man stands alone…mostly because the family has buggered off to the mall with his car…”
I’m putting that on the back of the movie jacket.
i somehow survived three. that seems to be a lucky number for us.
Yeah, I never gamble on fours at the casino.
he he he he! 😉
The day my daughter passed her test we were heading out for a drive.
She got in the drivers seat, I in the passenger seat and then she looked at me and sweetly said ” Which one is the gas pedal and which is the brake again?” I sweetly ( not really) told her to get the hell out of the car, and have not gotten behind the wheel with her again.
She turned 30 this year.
Stay safe out there!
LOL! Probably why you’re both still around to talk about it.