It’s OK, I was shocked too.
Especially since they didn’t require me to wear a live-feed Go-Pro camera at all times. Maybe it’s because, after turning 49 last month, they feel I’ve grown and matured. And they might be right.
Looking back on my first day of being in charge yesterday, I’m thinking “Margarita Monday” might’ve been a mistake.
Things actually started out fine. When our front office girl, Kate, said the noise from the margarita machine was making it difficult to hear the phone, I took charge of the situation.
“Just let everything go to voice mail,” I said. “That’s what we have it for, right?”
She could check messages between margarita machine refills!
Of course, I had no idea our office manager, Kathleen, was such a lightweight. After three margaritas she was re-recording all our phone greetings with a really sloppy Scotish accent that sounded more like Shrek intoxicated and talking with a mouthful of oatmeal.
Then, the 11 a.m. nap time I instituted was only supposed to last 30 minutes. Fortunately, the margarita machine woke us up at 2 p.m. when the drum started grinding after the ice melted. Otherwise, we’d have slept right through our snack break at 2:30, when our 10 pizzas were going to be delivered. In the meantime, we worked a solid 30 minutes, giving Kate enough time to check all the phone messages.
“Weird,” she said. “There were 30 calls and everyone hung up.”
“Must’ve been wrong numbers,” I said.
“I’m shuuuur yuuuur right, LADDIE!” said Kathleen, who then fell back asleep in the storage room.
After locking the doors at 3 p.m. as part of our new office hours, I thought about my first day of being in charge and how I could improve my performance for day two.
I may have to re-think Top Shelf Tuesday…
(Ned Hickson is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation and a member of the writing team at Long Awkward Pause. His first book, Humor at the Speed of Life, is available from Port Hole Publications, Amazon.com or Barnes & Noble.)