Admittedly, ‘Margarita Monday’ at the office may have been a mistake

Office nap time is going well this week.
Office nap time is going well this week.
Before our newspaper publisher and editor left for the week, they put me in charge.

It’s OK, I was shocked too.

Especially since they didn’t require me to wear a live-feed Go-Pro camera at all times. Maybe it’s because, after turning 49 last month, they feel I’ve grown and matured. And they might be right.

Looking back on my first day of being in charge yesterday, I’m thinking “Margarita Monday” might’ve been a mistake.

Things actually started out fine. When our front office girl, Kate, said the noise from the margarita machine was making it difficult to hear the phone, I took charge of the situation.

“Just let everything go to voice mail,” I said. “That’s what we have it for, right?”

She could check messages between margarita machine refills!

Problem solved.

Of course, I had no idea our office manager, Kathleen, was such a lightweight. After three margaritas she was re-recording all our phone greetings with a really sloppy Scotish accent that sounded more like Shrek intoxicated and talking with a mouthful of oatmeal.

Then, the 11 a.m. nap time I instituted was only supposed to last 30 minutes. Fortunately, the margarita machine woke us up at 2 p.m. when the drum started grinding after the ice melted. Otherwise, we’d have slept right through our snack break at 2:30, when our 10 pizzas were going to be delivered. In the meantime, we worked a solid 30 minutes, giving Kate enough time to check all the phone messages.

“Weird,” she said. “There were 30 calls and everyone hung up.”
“Must’ve been wrong numbers,” I said.
“I’m shuuuur yuuuur right, LADDIE!” said Kathleen, who then fell back asleep in the storage room.

After locking the doors at 3 p.m. as part of our new office hours, I thought about my first day of being in charge and how I could improve my performance for day two.

I may have to re-think Top Shelf Tuesday…



(Ned Hickson is a syndicated columnist with News Media Corporation and a member of the writing team at Long Awkward Pause. His first book, Humor at the Speed of Life, is available from Port Hole Publications, or Barnes & Noble.)

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Ned's Blog

I was a journalist, humor columnist, writer and editor at Siuslaw News for 23 years. The next chapter in my own writer’s journey is helping other writers prepare their manuscript for the road ahead. I'm married to the perfect woman, have four great kids, and a tenuous grip on my sanity...

51 thoughts on “Admittedly, ‘Margarita Monday’ at the office may have been a mistake”

  1. Bwahaha. Now THAT is an office I want to work at every day. Well, for a grand total of 30 minutes. Then the rest of the day I’ll be at my desk either napping or sipping more margaritas. Deadlines? Pfft. Whatevs.

  2. Ha! What an awesome boss. The wielding of such power; the huge responsibilities that rest upon your broad shoulders; I can feel the face of the human experience shifting beneath my feet from the brilliant work product that you and your team are assuredly publishing. Then of course, ya’ll will sober up but for now it is magnificent.

    Too funny Ned, I’m sure you’ll do just fine.

  3. Just stay away from the single malts. And cigars. Cigars go with scotch, don’t they? I’ve been binge-watching Mad Men and I think I would’ve loved working in that office. Well, except for the womanizing. And the brassieres. And the rotary phones. But all that cocktailing all day long? Awesome.

      1. Yep, that was I, before I lurched towards the door, stumbled down to the shore and caught the first boat to Australia. I have to be home soon to go to a medical appointment. You lot really know how to throw a party . . . is it still going? I might just come back. Save some tequila for me.

      1. I wanted to spell touché but then I thought any reference to tush might be inconsiderate. Then I thought what the hell and posted it anyway…Then I took a sip of my seventh Martini.

No one is watching, I swear...

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